[Greg Quinn]

HOMEGIRL:professional and have your daughter talk to one. Maybe something has happened to her she is not sharing with you

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I couldn't agree more with that sentence.

[Alty]

michelemediapro;
As you are learning there are PLENTY of people on this website who believe their opinion is the ONLY correct thing to do and they LIVE to tell you how wrong you are in every aspect in your life and how it's all your fault. And they think all children are innocent (I guess even the ones that kill other children).

Just ignore them.

Don't let her run your life, it's YOURS!!!

Isn't this a bit like the pot calling the kettle black? Squeaks I've read some of your other posts, you have a tendency to start arguments, this post is a prime example of that. You have a right to state your opinion, you have a right to disagree, you do not have a right to lambaste others, that's not what this site is about. Please be more respectful in the future.

OP, I know that it's hard to hear people give you advice that you don't necessarily want to hear. You are the one who came here asking for advice, read what others have written and then choose what you wish to do. None of us can force you to take our advice, it was offered because you asked. There are allot of great suggestions here, surely you can look past the bad and focus on the good, otherwise you won't be able to get through this rough time with your daughter.

Good luck.

[Greg Quinn]

There are a lot of great suggestions here, surely you can look past the bad and focus on the good, otherwise you won't be able to get through this rough time with your daughter.

Good luck.

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Exactly. But it is so easy to get defensive after you put it all out there. Some suggestions you need to take with a grain of salt. Its not about on-line feelings or it being too personal, its about your daughter getting better. I'm 32 and have to get my prostate checked out! That's personal... I'm anti-prostate check man! But, I have to go through it to make sure I'll be around for my daughters future. I'm so scared! LOL

[Alty]

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Exactly. But it is so easy to get defencive after you put it all out there. Some suggestions you need to take with a grain of salt. Its not about on-line feelings or it being too personal, its about your daughter getting better. I'm 32 and have to get my prostate checked out!! Thats personal... I'm anti-prostate check man! But, I have to go through it to make sure I'll be around for my daughters future. I'm so scared!! LOL

You are so right.

OP, The thing to remember, none of us have to go face to face with each other, that's what makes this site great. Ask your question, be honest, get advice, some good, some bad, some rude, some polite, and then decide what you want to do with that advice. And always heed my signature quotes, they speak the truth.

It's hard not to lash back sometimes, I'm guilty of it too, but what's the point of it? Getting upset or defensive isn't going to change anything. We all have the power to change unpleasant things in our life, for you that would be the relationship with your daughter. Read the responses with an open mind, the answer to your problem just might be in there.

Greg, get to the doctor and get it done, if you need someone to hold your hand, call me. No wait, call my hubby. ;)

[squeaks77]

Jesus, I was trying to give her some ADVICE since she is new and may FEEL attacked!

[NowWhat]

I don't have a teenager - even though she acts like one sometimes. I think girls are way more dramatic than boys. I think they over think things a lot - social things.
I remember when I was 15 - if someone looked at me crosseyed, I would get all flustered trying to figure out why.

Now, if I had ever hit my mom or even disrespected her - she would handle it and then my dad would. There are something's you just don't do. You and your husband need to be united on this.

If this just started - I would have to find out what has changed. Talk to her school counselor. Find out what is happening at school. There could be someone bullying her there and she may feel she can't do anything about it. So she acts out at home where she is safe.

There is a girl at our middle school bullying other girls. From the stories I have heard, she is relentless. So far, nothing is being done because it can't be proved. (Bullies are slick) It is getting to a point where something is about to break. Some of my friends (the victims parents) have told me their daughters don't want to go to school, they are moody and quiet. They are starting to see negative changes.
Could this be happening to your daughter?
Find out! Be proactive. I remember when I was in 11th grade, I got called down to my counselors office only to find my parents sitting there. I was so mad - but I wasn't talking to them at home and was just angry all the time. They had to do something. Today, I couldn't tell you WHY I was angry all the time - but I remember walking into that room and seeing my parents. They reached out to me in such an unexpected way. They stuck together and tried to figure out the problem and then fix it.

Good Luck

[michelemediapro]

Thank you so much, you can really read between the lines of peoples words, it is amazing to me to see the extreme difference is opinions. I can hear empathy in some and the most outragious, self rightiousness in others (I am sure they are never wrong) who think they know everything, and I bet a million, you know exactly who they are! This has been a very eye opening experience, more so on this web site, than with my daughter, I have choices to make, and just like her, there is a price to pay for every single one. When I read some of this, I can see the judgemental personalities, those who fill in the blanks, without even asking for more info.
You know, when some kid goes into a school and starts shooting, doesn't that make you sad? Or do you want to fry the bastard? What was going on in his head, and the suicide rate in teens is huge. Life is not just black and white, there are many gray areas. When I said that "if she bumps into me in the kitchen", and turns around and says "don't push me", does that not give you some idea of the exagereations or (LIES)? That's like calling a teacher a pervert. I am trying to teach her that not only physical violent hurts, but words and lies like that can ruin people's lives.
If anyone assumes that after I cooled off, I didn't go have a talk with her, they are mistaken, even the sheriff said "kids are a pain in the at this age". I am a small woman, and my daughter is bigger than me, for anyone, including my child who thinks it's OK to push around your elders, than you need to look in the mirror. Might not like who's looking back, so, I send out my prayers, especially to those who think their opinion is the only one. God keep us safe from them, I didn't realize this is like the Roe vs Wade or the death penalty. I see how passionate some of you are, and I have to go to work now, so have a nice day and I will check in later!
Bye for now... Michele

[NowWhat]

I would like to hear about what your daughter was like 6 months ago. Can you think of anything that happened or anything she said that could now be seen as a red flag? Did she try out for something and didn't get it? Break up with a boyfriend? Have a fight with a friend? Anything like that?

My daughter started acting out - I know exactly why. Her dad changed jobs and his hours changed. That meant less time with her. She became overly emotional. Sometime rude, etc. It was showing at school. Now, my daughter is only 7 - but it was like she turned 13 over night. I half way expected her to be getting her period anyday by her mood swings. The point is, I can tell you when and why this happened. There are days it doesn't make it any easier. My husband was able to rearrange his schedule to bring some normalicy back to her and it has helped. But being able to pin point the "Why" of the situation does help.

[startover22]

Here are some tips I do with my kids. This doesn't mean they will work for you but things go pretty smooth here if I am consistent with it! If you have already tried some of these, that's OK, I know there will be more tips heading your way from other members;)
I have four kids, but will concentrate on things I do with my 14 year old.
We started this year on making him be responsible for waking himself up, an alarm clock... we had to get the one that you can set twice for the same day so he would have wake up insurance.(lol) With him, (now)he does great getting up and getting ready in the morning... when he gets home he has a snack, does his homework, and cleans his room..
He doesn't get to do anything like puter or games until it is done!
And if he decides to go to the puter, he knows he has to start the timer for 45 minutes or an hour. If he forgets to start the timer, I tell him he just lost his privileges to the puter that day. If he gripes when I tell him his timer went off, he doesn't get a chance to get on the next. THIS truly works. I thought about it, but never had to do it, putting a sign in screen to even enter the puter, then put a password to get on, that way he wouldn't be able to, but I wanted him to earn his trust on the computer from me so I didn't. YOu could though, that may stop some arguments with her.
If she talks back, tell her... "I understand you are upset about my decision but if you keep talking to me like that our discussion will be over and you will be in your room" Calm as ever, and she may be surprised when you say it but if she is snappy send her, and then turn on the timer for 15 minutes, then go get her in fifteen minutes and ask her to come out of her room and talk! If you feel your decision is set, then don't talk about it anymore, you can say, "that discussion is over". Stay calm, show her that her being upset is not going to ruin your day! Show her that her actions are wrong!
It takes some will and it takes time to get things right... you are still going to have ups and downs.
When she is polite, encourage her... If she does what she is supposed to a few times, tell her you really appreciate it! Then give her a hug and tell her to keep up the good work. You can even tell her to mark it on a calendar, (she is not too old for this) and every 5 marks with no bad in between, five her a dollar for each one. (I am saying money instead of anything else because she is a girl and 15, that is what she likes)
If she hits you or is at all physical with you, there will be no puter time, no phone, no cell phone, she will be on restriction in her room for 48 hours, she can come out to pee and eat... that is it. I haven't had the problem with any physical abuse from my kids, but I do know that I would use this to discipline them.
There are so many good things you can show your daughter, how about going to volunteer once a week or even once a month in something she enjoys doing...
How about you guys go and get a pedicure and then some lunch to just talk and be girls together.
I don't want to over do this, so I am going to quit... I would love to hear what you have done to help this situation and I am not sure if I saw if she was an only child or not.
And others have also asked what Dad's roll in this is? That is very important. Hugs, and get back to us;)

[AKaeTrue]

Sometimes there is no "reason" other than teenage hormones, growing up, and what not.
Michelemediapro, I fully understand your concept of not wanting to go back on your word, otherwise you will just be tossing around endless threats with no consequences.
Come up with a plan of action for how you will handle the situation next time there is an incident with your daughter.
I would suggest you have in mind the calm attitude you will keep, what you are going to say, and the discipline approach you will take next time your daughter steps out of line.
It's very helpful to know these things before the incident takes place so that you can set a good example for how to handle the situation by staying calm and not accidentally losing your temper and saying things you don't mean.
Have a nice chat with your daughter and let her know what the consequences are if she steps out of line again, this way she'll know as well.

In my household, it helps when the punishment is strict and short.
No friends, TV, phone, computer, etc for 24 hours - this way she can be good long enough to earn the privileges back.

Good luck to you and your daughter, teenage years are tough.