[nonconformity]

My man Had a bad experience and becomes obsessed with it and the people Concerning it. He says he loves me and I believe him Loving him as well. I have been There for him for about 2months now, Trying to work out and understand what's going on. But he isn't ready for a relationship and gets depressed about the whole concept and Says he's sorry for doing this to me. I knew that he drunk to Ease the pain' But I recently found out he was doing drugs. It made me so angry because I have seen so many people go downhill from it. I know that I'm putting myself up to be hurt. But I can't help it. He makes me happy as much as he makes me hurt. What should I do? I really want to help him. How should I approach the prob of drugs with out pushing him away? Its Really complicated and If you understand or have the slightest idea can you help.

[letmeno]

You have been with him for only two months now, and he's hurting you already? I know that he has this drug problem but if he does not get help ASAP your hurt is going to last a lot longer,and become a lot stronger. This is in no way a healthy situation for either one of you. I don't think that after just two months of dating someone I would want to stick around them if I found out they had a drug problem, not to mention a whole lot more baggage that they can't seem to get rid of, but that is me. If you want to do him a favor, get him some help. Your relationship is still new, so if you don't want to get in there and get your hands dirty, and stick in there for the long haul, don't waste your time or his 'cause this ain't going to be a cake walk by any means.
Good Luck.

[fredg]

Hi,
Two months isn't very long. But, if he is doing drugs and drinking, you are much, much better off finding yourself someone else.
Depending on how bad he is with the drugs, you can't help him.
He is the one who has to see that it is affecting his life. He has to admit he has a problem, if he does. He won't listen to most anything you say.
If you are going to stay with him, the best thing you can do is to look in your local phone book for an NA meeting. (Narcotics Anonymous). They are free, last an hour. Even though you don't have a problem, just going and listening to others who do have a problem will help you understand there is absolutely nothing you can do for him. Please go to a meeting.

[Chery]

My man Had a bad experience and becomes obsessed with it and the people Concerning it. He says he loves me and i belive him Loving him as well. I have been There for him for about 2months now, Trying to work out and understand whats going on. But he isnt ready for a relationship and gets depressed about the whole concept and Says hes sorry for doing this to me. I knew that he drunk to Ease the pain' But i recently found out he was doing drugs. it made me so angry coz i have seen so many people go downhill from it. I know that im putting my self up to be hurt. But i can't help it. he makes me happy as much as he makes me hurt. What should i do? I really want to help him. How should i approach the prob of drugs with out pushing him away? Its Really complicated and If you understand or have the slightest idea can you help.

Dear, drugs, just like alcohol, are an addiction that need to be admitted by the individual 'hooked'. Then and only then, can he/she be helped, and not by YOU - but professionals. Until he's ready to admit his problem, he will probably hide his use and only minimize it in from on you - lie to you- and promise you the world, and undying love, and that's he'll straighten out all by himeself - with your help, since 'you are more important' to him. That's another lie - unless he's totally clean, the drug will be his primary love and you cannot compete with it.
Take it from a dry alcoholic, there are lies out there that you've not heard yet, and promises he'll never keep, unless he does something about it on his own. Until then, all you are doing is making exucses for him and feeling sorry is the worst thing in the world... You need to set an ultimatum and if he does not go for therapy on his own, you'll know where you stand.

Wishing you all the best, and please keep us posted.