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Bjerke · May 19, 2008, 04:00 PM

I have been having sex for 7 months now and we do it like 4 times a week, at least, but it still hurts so incredibly bad!! I've been to my obgyn, and nothing is wrong with me. We have read all of the articles on painful sex. We do sufficient foreplay and my husband has tried everything and is very paitient. I was told it might be psychological, but still? I either have extreme pain or at best feel nothing at all. On rare occasions I might feel good, but that only lasts for seconds, literally seconds! I have never even had an orgasm and am trying so hard not to get frustrated, but what can I do. HELP!! PLEASE!

plonak · May 19, 2008, 04:19 PM

Do you have enough lubrication? You could also be extra small, or he can be extra big, were you ever molested or raped? If so, then it definitely could be psycholgical.. Did you lose your virginity to him? If so you're new to this, 7 months isn't that long.. every person is different.. you just need to work out your body and get used to it... I really suggest you try some lube.. if he's too big, try doggie style it's a position where he goes in very shallow.. good luck, maybe you should think about seeing a sex therapist?

Synnen · May 19, 2008, 05:52 PM

Are you using lube? Sometimes lube can be the cause of it--I know certain types make me feel like I'm on fire inside.

The thing is... for women, sex is 90% mental. Even if you THINK you're ready for sex, you could be jumping the gun.

Have him do NOTHING but foreplay for a good long time--make it all about the journey, and not the destination. That may mean that you have to go back to NOT having sex for a while... you need to be completely comfortable mentally, and that means NO pressure--not from him, and especially not from yourself.

Can you orgasm from self-stimulation? If not, why not? Have you tried learning your own body?

Worst case scenario, you may need to talk to a sex therapist, who may be able to help you determine where, mentally, you are taking a wrong turn.

kp2171 · May 19, 2008, 06:25 PM

I agree with syn...

Can you reach orgasm with self stim? Can you get there with oral? Can you explain where the pain is anatomically?

SJB1701E · May 20, 2008, 02:20 AM

My girlfriend had problems when we started having a sexual relationship. It took 5 months of patience on both our parts before I could penetrate her without pain. It was psychological in her case. She had a hard time relaxing. It didn't help that she was anticipating pain after the first few times trying. Almost like since she expected it to hurt she tensed up more. I'm not sure if maybe she wasn't entirely ready mentally and emotionally, or what, but I new the problem lied with her being tense and unable to relax. The first time it happened without pain, it wa a romantic setting, candlelit bedroom, deep back massage, gentle kisses all over her body, caressing her, being really gentle. Most of it is mental. Starting you have to be very relaxed, you have to be comfortable with your partner, the mood has to be right, lots of foreplay, and take things slow. 90% of a woman's erogenous zones are between her ears. If you aren't relaxed and ready, its going to hurt.

Choux · May 20, 2008, 12:11 PM

Let me make sure I understand... your hymen is broken, and regular intercourse is giving you a lot of problems with pain and dissatisfaction.

OK, you're in big trouble with your sexuality and have to go to a physician to get a referral to a good therapist.

Sexual relations with orgasmic bliss is a great pleasure in life, tension releasing, female asserting, confidence building, and not to mention husband pleasing!! If sex is misery, get help before the problems causing your dissatisfaction become hopelessly entrenched.

Really, really best wishes for a new you!

kp2171 · May 20, 2008, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

OK, you're in big trouble with your sexuality and have to go to a physician to get a referral to a good therapist.

Sexual relations with orgasmic bliss is a great pleasure in life, tension releasing, female asserting, confidence building, and not to mention husband pleasing!!!! If sex is misery, get help before the problems causing your dissatisfaction become hopelessly entrenched.

Gee... making the person feel like crap about seeking out therapy, and then telling them to get help??

Great job saying "sucks to be as screwed up as you are"... a lousy post.

Choux · May 20, 2008, 12:28 PM

I think you misunderstood as usual.

Therapy is a great asset to all people if they are serious about it, and I frequently recommend it.

As I ALWAYS RECOMMENT having a great orgasmic sex life. :)

kp2171 · May 20, 2008, 12:33 PM

You commonly tell people to get the heck out of relationships when mental issues present themselves concerning sex.

Choux · May 20, 2008, 12:35 PM

Your generalization is incorrect.

Synnen · May 20, 2008, 01:09 PM

Argue about it in PMs, please.

And CC me... it's good drama.

However--stop hijacking the OP's thread.

kp2171 · May 20, 2008, 02:01 PM

Well I started it!

Wait... bad defense. Not a good debate defense at all. Dum dum dum.

At least I'm cute.

*back to the OP*

Synnen · May 20, 2008, 02:04 PM

Kp... ybabbngtmr!

maiwest · May 20, 2008, 04:11 PM

Yes I agree with everybody... I think you have to try self-stimulation and oral sex to see if you can climax in this manner. Maybe there's not enough foreplay when you have sex or you don't have enough lubricant.

Maybe it's psychological as well. Your boyfriend has to be patient and walk you through this... because if you persist with having sex despite the pain, the psychological situation will get worse for you as you will associate the sex with pain more than pleasure.