[parent25]

My child's father is literally homeless and stays in a shelter downtown. There is no way he can pay child support. There is also no reason why he is living in a shelter. He does not have drug or alcohol addiction. He is not "mental" or anything that is keeping him from getting a job and living well. He is an able 28yr old male.

My son is 3mo now. I have never had one penny from the father. He was at the hospital and did sign the paternity paper and his name is on the birth certificate.

Shortly after he was born he borrowed money and vanished...

I filed child support but because he is "homeless" he does not have an address besides the shelter.

What can I do to terminate his rights? Will the judge agree to this if the father is volunteering?

I don't think the dad will "volunteer" but I think I could lay it out for him and in the end he may agree.

He has recently called and said he did receive the child support notice but what is that going to do?

Because he is homeless and never keeps a job longer than 3mo, will I ever see any money?

What do I do?? Ive done it all by myself since the day I found out I was pregnant.. oh and before you people judge me, I did not get pregnant because I was being irresponsible and having unprotected sex..

I am only 25 and never wanted to get pregnant so soon but I was deceived and had no clue he was not using protection. I had already gone to the doctor to get the pill (when our relationship began) and had my rx ready to take and he knew that for only a few more days we would have to use condoms.. He knew I was a "careful" person and if I ever did get pregnant I would not have an abortion, I wouldn't have to since I was taking all precautions... right?. well He didn't care, he lied and pretended to use them.. The day I finally caught him was too late. Two days later I found out I was 2wks pregnant. That was only a month into our "relationship".. I also never knew he was homeless.

Im sooo confused about this.. There is nothing he can teach my son. Me and him are two completely different people. His life is all about a scam and what he can get by lying and manipulations..

So, OK sorry about the venting...

What steps do I take.

By the way, I live in state of Texas..

[tawnynkids]

I seriously doubt a judge will terminate his rights. Sorry.

Without a court order he has no "rights" for visitation. But that isn't to say he has no rights either. With his name on the birth certificate he has the right to your child every bit as much as you do. However, he has no rights enforceable by a court. What you do need to do is file an OSC with the court to establish custody/visitation rights. The court will then consider all the facts and decide if any visitation at this time is appropriate. As far as getting child support, you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. Courts are very hesitant to issue an order without an income from the father to establish the amount. It can be done however. It can be done on a minimum wage earnings basis or an ability to earn basis. But even if it is ordered, it doesn't guarantee you will see it if he isn't employed. The court can order him to provide proof to the court that he is actively seeking employment though.

First order of business... get to a lawyer and they can tell you what needs to be done, can be done based on the specific facts of your case.

Good luck!

[NowWhat]

I don't know if this will help - but last year my husband and I were looking at divorce. When he found out how much child support would be he said he would just quit his job. I had an attorney and told him of this threat. He said that that was not an excuse. That just because he wasn't working didn't mean he COULDN'T work. So the court would base child support on his earning POTENTIAL. Now, I don't know how that works, but an attorney will. I don't know if an order is put in place and the person isn't able to pay he would have to pay back child support when he does get a job? I don't know.

And even if he does terminate his rights to the child - (I think) child support would still be expected unless you had someone who wants to adopt your child.

I would get an attorney and see what your options are. I can't imagine a judge allowing unsupervised visitation to someone who doesn't live in a stable environment.

[tawnynkids]

NowWhat, there are two potential ways that I know of to get an order based "Ability to Earn". One is to submit to a vocational evaluation. They assess your marketable employment skills, research the job market in your area and provide the court with a report stating the amount they believe you are capable of reasonably making. The report can be fought/objected to in court be either attorney. So, it doesn't always end up being used anyway. Second, is the judge can use your previous job history and tax returns to reach an income for you.

Once an order for a specific amount is determined by the court, then yes the amounts starts to just add up and become arrears that they must pay off (usually at a rate of $50 extra per month) on top you're the monthly obligation amount once they do get a job.

[parent25]

Good point Nowwhat.. Thanks to you also tawnynkids..

I am just worried that because of his "unstable life", he will be a bad influence on my child.. like I said, me and him come from two completely different worlds... so you are thinking a judge probably wouldn't allow that because he is homeless?

I wouldn't mind if he had an apt, or vehicle, or somewhere.. but he doesn't, he rides the bus.. I would hope a judge would not say it was OK for him to take my 3mo old son on the bus for visitation.. where would they go? The shelter?

Its like he doesn't care he lives in a shelter.. Any money he gets he spends on brand name clothes and expensive electronics... that is not a smart person! UGH it makes me so angry that there are people out there like this..

Still confused...

[tawnynkids]

Not to scare you but only so that you don't wind up shocked... we can't say for absolute sure one way or another what any judge would rule... but I want you to be prepared that judges have awarded visitation to homeless parents. They take their children to parks and such for the few hours they are given. And yes, public transportation is an acceptable way by the courts to take a child somewhere. It is usually not a big chunk of time, usually like 2-4 hours and no overnights. I am not saying it will happen but it can, just so you know.

[parent25]

2 - 4 hours.. that I wouldn't mind.. it usually takes someone 2hrs to get anywhere on public transportation anyway, and plus we do not live near any stops too close.. im sure he would get tired and opt NOT to try and take a 3mo old in the Texas heat on a bus.

I just don't see how that is safe?

What is the difference from signing rights away and not have financial obligation to child? I thought it was the same thing? So if you sign your rights away your still liable? How do you terminate financial obligation then?

[tawnynkids]

Terminating right allows the state to remove a parents right to be involved in their child's life or make any decisions for the child's life, but it doesn't allow the parent to stop being financially responsible unless someone else is willing to take that persons place, as in adoption. (There are exceptions, and there are a few states who do not require adoption to remove financial obligation.) Most states will not allow a parent to terminate their financial responsibility.

[Fr_Chuck]

The court should or will set an amount of child support due, most states will put a non paying parent in jail. So see if sitting some months in jail may help make him want to work. With that said, men like him make we wish we did have work camps for dead beat dads.

[thepurpose]

My childs father is literally homeless and stays in a shelter downtown. There is no way he can pay child support. There is also no reason why he is living in a shelter. He does not have drug or alcohol addiction. He is not "mental" or anything that is keeping him from getting a job and living well. he is an able 28yr old male.

My son is 3mo now. i have never had one penny from the father. He was at the hospital and did sign the paternity paper and his name is on the birth certificate.

Shortly after he was born he borrowed money and vanished ...

I filed child support but because he is "homeless" he does not have an address besides the shelter.

What can i do to terminate his rights? Will the judge agree to this if the father is volunteering?

I dont think the dad will "volunteer" but i think i could lay it out for him and in the end he may agree.

He has recently called and said he did receive the child support notice but what is that going to do??

Because he is homeless and never keeps a job longer than 3mo, will i ever see any money??

What do i do???? Ive done it all by myself since the day i found out i was pregnant..oh and before you people judge me, I did not get pregnant because i was being irresponsible and having unprotected sex..

I am only 25 and never wanted to get pregnant so soon but i was deceived and had no clue he was not using protection. I had already gone to the doctor to get the pill (when our relationship began) and had my rx ready to take and he knew that for only a few more days we would have to use condoms..He knew I was a "careful" person and if I ever did get pregnant I would not have an abortion, I wouldnt have to since I was taking all precautions...right???...well He didnt care, he lied and pretended to use them..The day I finally caught him was too late. Two days later I found out i was 2wks pregnant. That was only a month into our "relationship"..I also never knew he was homeless.

Im sooo confused about this..There is nothing he can teach my son. Me and him are two completely different people. His life is all about a scam and what he can get by lying and manipulations..

So, ok sorry bout the venting...

What steps do I take.

btw, I live in state of texas..

Hello and wow!
I do not judge your post so I ask you to read and understand mine. I have a daughter and in every way an obstacle was put in place by her mother for me not to continue to talk to her, to ever see her, and for her new knight in shining armor to become dad, to defend everything she had ever done wrong.
I found out in the middle of my military term on deployment about her. Within a year of getting out of the military I was homeless and sometimes lived in my car which a percentage of vets do become homeless. Not for lack of ambition, nor lack of trying my hardest and applying myself in any way I could. It was the interest that came with child support, lack of work in a skimming economy, lack of family, lack of decent wages or full time work and lack of skills and school. After the military a person's life is set back more than just four years.
I tried and tried and nothing ever went right. I talked to my girl until her mother and her guy made my daughter feel so bad and embarrassed for talking to me that she didn't want to anymore. This was the mother's agenda from day one. Now homeless and have no money, the engine in my car was blown, got laid off a minimum wage job, no cell phone, no family, no contact with my daughter anymore, I truly lost any hope in the next day, in myself, and in my life.
When you are existing homeless nobody really cares. Nobody understands but criticizes. Self worth and self esteem is shot. In this situation I can tell you that any negativity will compound his problems and will eventually contribute to more problems for you. When you were young did you ever say to yourself I want to be homeless? Or when you were older? He is at the bottom of society with no external positive influences, no role model. If you desire to relinquish his rights, that speaks volumes of the mentality of entitlement and vicious emotional games.
Homelessness is a thing that happens. To get out of it you need help from many generous and caring people. I always helped the homeless whether I was or not. I was there for them for what they felt or what they needed even as a teenager. A friend of mine in Seattle was a 60 year old homeless guy that I would see at the library everyday. He tried to get it together but couldn't figure it out how to. In the shelter they aren't discussing how many points the DOW gained today or the finer points of post graduate eduction. The oppressed mentality keeps them dehumanized. So if you want to see a difference, if you want to see a change for the better in him which eventually brings better things for you, be there for him. If that is not possible then really try hard to bring out the caring , understanding, intelligent person in you and refrain from negativity. Since when did something positive take place from doing something negative?
I met my true friends during the sans home period that re-instilled some hope in me and since I remembered at that time what hope was, I fought and fought hard to make something out of absolutely nothing.
Because I had a few people there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, I in turn made many successes since the days of being homeless. Not that this defines me or is meant to impress anyone but in less than five years since the days of darkness and hell, I now make a six figure income.
Keep the faith.

[parent25]

Hi Purpose, thanks for your response and I enjoyed hearing your story and I think that is wonderful.

I have been there for him. I took him to and from work everyday, I let him stay with me for months while I was pregnant. I provided food and entertainment.

I never criticized his situation or made him feel bad about it. Still to this day we have never gotten into a big ugly fight. We have always just talked about the situation. I tried to explain to him how a bank account and savings work. I gave him suggestions about where he could find a job. He shot them down saying "im not going to work at that place" or "im not going to work for $8/hr".. I tried explaining to him that $8 is better than $0.

Unfortunately, I don't think he wants to change.

Even though I took him to work and picked him up occasionally he still couldn't keep a job. He didn't want to work. He would get one paycheck, go shopping for new clothes or electronics and then he was broke again. He would call into work for whatver reason or he would just stop going. He never saved anything. I didn't nag him about that either because I didn't want to tell a grown man what to do with his own money earned but I did let him know I would not take care of him forever by sending him on his way after a few months of seeing no changes in him at all.

Finally when I was 6mo pregnant, he came over, stole my credit card number, left, and I didn't hear from him. I was wondering what the heck? We didn't argue or have a fight? We were just watching a movie enjoying our Sunday.. why hadn't he called? Is he OK? You can imagine how I felt.

Well two weeks later I saw the charges on my credit card. I was devistated, angry, and hurt all at the same time. I knew now what happened and why he hadn't called.

That was the last time I heard from him until it was two weeks before my due date. He called and said he just couldn't face me and that he was sorry and blah blah blah. Still no arguments. I listened, he listened, I said how I felt and so on. Two weeks later I gave birth and at the hospital was the first time I saw him since he had stolen from me.

6wks later he stole again. This time from a family member of mine.

That was it for me. Screw me once, shame on him, screw me twice, shame on me. I will not let this happen again anymore.

He is NOT a good person. He has had tons of help. We live in a city that practically caters to the homeless. He has things going for him but he has no ambition. He has no heart... youll never get anywhere without drive. I don't know how much more supportive I could have been but why is it my responsibility to take care of a grown man with the ability to care for himself? Like I said before, he has no drug or alcohol addictions, no handicap, nothing to keep him from being a man.

He has burned all his bridges, not even his own family excepts him anymore.. he would always just tell me they were bad people but now I know the truth. He probably did to them what he has done to me.

Same with his friends.. he doesn't have any anymore. Burned bridges.. its a sad thing, but I don't see why I should feel bad for him anymore.

Im so over it. I just want to go on my merry way.

Its not because he is homeless that I want him to relinquish rights, its because of his lack of character. And that is the honest truth.

[thepurpose]

Hey there,

Good to hear back. It seems that you have bent over backwards and now staring at the sidewalk. I suppose this is the way he wants to live and let him live it, let him figure out how to be a man on his own since that is the only way it can be done.
As I mentioned a few posts ago I used to be homeless, not by choice and I also hated every second of it. It was demeaning, dehumanizing and I did whatever it took to get off the street or living in a car. One year ago I started a for the first time, financially rewarding and awesome job. I never thought I would make it. For the years before I had nothing and nothing to give to my daughter. To go to court owing past support when I was on the skids, was not smart and not an option especially without ability to afford proper representation in a court. I have 2 friends that are family-law lawyers in different states. Almost every story is the same in that the ladies are guaranteed at the minimum, children and 30% of gross before taxes. I fear being homeless again if they adjust my wages. Support is invisible, tax and men get zero tax credit being in the highest tax bracket. It was also said if you go alone or with a lousy public defender, the court could take full advantage of someone without the full and current knowledge of the law.
Your writing tells me about your emotional anguish and stress of the future and I can definitely understand that. If you haven't attended school, give it everything and finish it. If you are forced to succeed single-handedly, you will have proved you are the most mentally and emotionally stable person a guy in the shelter ever let go. I hope the best for you I really really do.
It will be all right, God is watching over your life. Only in the future will you have realized it. Peace. The purpose