[ally_atnip]

Ever since I had a boyfriend my parents make it hard on me.They think that all my attention goes on him and not my school work.Now he's my fionce and my parents think that we are getting married so I can move in with him.Well it's not true.I love him and he loves me.We have been friends since freshman year and now we are together and we are Juniors.I am 17 years old and I would like to get married and be with him.We have so much fun together.My boyfriend and I are basically going through the same thing.When me and my boyfriend are together we act totally different.I need a solution to what we should do.Is there a way that we could be together without our parents knowing we are living togethere and married?My bf's parents want us to get married.They love the fact of it all. PLEASE HELP ME.

[CaptainForest]

Once you turn 18, you can do whatever you want.

That being said, why then hide it? If you can't be honest with your parents that you are married, then you are too young and too immature to get married!

Most marriages at 18yrs old do not work out. My advice is to wait before you get married. Perhaps live with him once you are 18, but wait until after college to get married.

And ask yourself this. Do your parents have an actual/real reason to not be comfortable with this? Are you neglecting your school work for him?

[kp42484]

I agree with CaptainForest. I know you are tired of hearing "you're too young" but we tell you this because we've been there! :) I know when I was 17 and dating my boyfriend (now my husband), we were so in love, my family protested, my attitude was "what do you all know about love?! and I moved in with him when I was 18. I was just out of high school, starting college and living with a man was overwhelming! It still is, and I am almost done with college and living with the same man!

No offense to the men on the forum, but going to school, having jobs, taking care of a household, and taking care of a husband is A LOT of work! You'll be overwhelmed, trust me! I ended up moving out of my b/f's place and maturing; evaluating our relationship further and deciding if my family was right. Your family just worries that you are being rash (yes) and if you are truly in love. Now, I am not against true love and all; I used to be in the same boat as you, but I waited and realized that after living with him, I wasn't ready to be a wife and take that responsibility. Enjoy your youth first! If he loves you, he'll wait until you both can more deeply explore your future together. As people get older, they change a bit, and not to scare you, but you may realize that it's not all it seems to be right now. The excitement, lust, and rebelliousness against the 'rents may just be fueling your rush to marry right now.

By all means, if you are doing well in school, will be able to handle college life while taking care of the hubby (college is much harder than h/s, trust me!), then sanctify your relationship. Marriage is a huge step though, so please listen to your parents; they love you and don't want you to neglect school.

Hope this helps!

[phillysteakandcheese]

Being a parent of teenagers, I can tell you that I would be looking for.

First - I'd want to see that your school work really isn't suffering. Show them your assignments, your work, your grade point averages. Let them know you are keeping the work up.

Second - I'd want to see a mature attitude. If you feel you are ready for marrige, you should be mature enough to tell your parents your honest feelings and listen to their concerns. Lies are not a sign of maturity.

Third - I'd want to see indications that you have a handle on where your life is going. Do you have a plan for after high school - beyond just getting married? Are you going to pursue secondary education? Do you have a career plan? Do you have a friend you can go into business with?

And lastly - I want to know that your boyfriend is "treating you right". Has he been over for dinner? Do your parents know him? Does he have a respectful attitude to your parents? Does he have a respectful attitude towards you?


If I was okay with these, I would be happy to allow you to pursue your life with this person. If I was concerned, I'd bring them up with you - and watch your reaction.

When you are 18, you could simply leave home and do what you wish, but leaving on bad terms will cause everyone more pain than is needed.

One thing I have learned is that young adults need to learn their own life lessons. I can't preach it into them. And things I see as a mistake now (as a parent), are similar to things I did when I was younger, so I would accept your choices even if they are different than what I would want for you.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will address this along the same line that pillysteak did.

If you think you are old enough to be engaged, ( ps that means you have a plan and normally a date to get married) it is not merely a stage of going steady.

1. you will realise that you will need not only a high school but a trade school or a college educatoin and you will have a plan to afford to do thisl.
Not some vague plan on graduating, working at McDonald and being in love. You will be keeping your grades up and not letting a relationship make your grades fall.

2. as he said, a mature attiude, if you want to be treated like a grown up, you have to act like a grown up. If you are scared and afraid to talkl to your parents about adult issues with adult results, you are not adult enough to be talking marriage and/or living together

3. At 17 your parents are still legally liable for what you do, it's the law if you like it or not. In some states like Georgia, at 17 you can move out, but most states still have 18. And honestly, a relatonship is hard enough, and you need to be out of high school to be able to finish.

Now I had a 17 year old personally that I let move out, he answered and had all of this plans made. Of course he found out life was not what he thought, he girlfriend now has 2 kids, he is sitting in jail for not paying child support and she is living in the projects on welfare. But he did have a plan and thought he was ready, I would let him go again if I had it to do over, since he was convinced he knew, Now he is paying that price as a adult.

[fredg]

Hi,
At 17, you can't do anything now without your parents' consent.
Are you going to finigh High School? College? Get a job? Does he have a job?
Have you thought about all this? Getting married doesn't mean you can live on love... it's takes money.
Why would your boyfriends' parents want you to get married? Do you have a lot of money?
Are you going to live with his parents, if you get married?
There are just too many questions you haven't mentioned yet. Many times, when two people get married, then say they are going on to further their education, they never do.
Think about it. I'm with your parents. You need to finish School, go on to college, if available, or start looking for a job, find out about life some. Over half the marriages in America end in divorce... and it's higher than that if you marry young.
I do wish you the best.