[KMC6296]

:confused: My daughter is 9 and in 3rd grade. While we have really struggled in the past with friendships, I am happy to say that she now has made a good solid friend. However, I am stopped at least 3 days per week by her teacher to discuss how she is alienating the other girls. I know it's happening. Today for example I ate lunch with her at school and I see the problem first hand. She is VERY outspoken and opinionated. She has something to say about everything. I don't think her intention is to hurt anyone's feelings, but that is exactly what she does. And she is the Queen Bee Gossiper. She has been sent to the principals' office twice in the last 3 months for gossiping. I watched her today and she talks as though she is just too cool. She is the same way at home with the neighbor kids and with me and my husband. She has no filter. Everything just come out her mouth with no thought of how it will affect her or anyone else. It's very tiring and worrisome. We talk to her about it ALL the time. I'm tired of hearing my own voice!

We are constantly telling her that she does not need to comment about things going on around her. Not everything is her business. But I think in her mind, anything she hears IS her business.

How can we get through to her? I see the other girls sit quietly and patiently in class. I volunteer 2 days per week in the class and most of the others don't seem to have consistent issues. She is constantly having problems with this girl or that girl. My daughter is repeatedly getting warning in class for being in others business.

Any advice??

[Sonador101]

Wow this is like day ja foo for me, when I was nine and still now at thirteen my filter is not quite up to snuff. Though in 4th grade I remember a book, I think it was called honesty but I'm not sure.
It was about this girl, who lied to her mother, her mother scolded her and told her the importance of honesty. The next day at school, she tells the whole class everything, like a kid didn't bring lunch money, her best friends parents got divorced etc. at the end of the day no one would talk to her, she told her mom she didn't why no one would talk to her if she was being honest, an dthe mother said "being honest does not mean saying everything, for that hurts and you see what has happend to you because of this"
Personally I think you should tell your duaghter how gossiping will hurt HER, she sounds a little self focused at the moment, so tell her how gossiping has got her in trouble and how she is not cool. Then if that doesn't work, tell her that you told a friend a secret and the next day the told the whole school, and tell her That's how She's acting towards everyone.but also tell her that it is good to have oppions but she needs to learn where and when to say them.
I hope this helps but don't forget she doesn't mean to be mean she just is a little oblivious right npow, trust me this is first hand xp HERE.

[Fr_Chuck]

And what punishments are being given at home ?

[MIRIAMANDLU]

:confused: My daughter is 9 and in 3rd grade. While we have really struggled in the past with friendships, I am happy to say that she now has made a good solid friend. However, I am stopped at least 3 days per week by her teacher to discuss how she is alienating the other girls. I know it's happening. Today for example I ate lunch with her at school and I see the problem first hand. She is VERY outspoken and opinionated. She has something to say about everything. I don't think her intention is to hurt anyones feelings, but that is exactly what she does. And she is the Queen Bee Gossiper. She has been sent to the principals' office twice in the last 3 months for gossiping. I watched her today and she talks as though she is just too cool. She is the same way at home with the neighbor kids and with me and my husband. She has no filter. Everything just come out her mouth with no thought of how it will affect her or anyone else. It's very tiring and worrisome. We talk to her about it ALL the time. I'm tired of hearing my own voice!

We are constantly telling her that she does not need to comment about things going on around her. Not everything is her business. But I think in her mind, anything she hears IS her business.

How can we get through to her? I see the other girls sit quietly and patiently in class. I volunteer 2 days per week in the class and most of the others don't seem to have consistent issues. She is constantly having problems with this girl or that girl. My daughter is repeatedly getting warning in class for being in others business.

Any advice????

I have a niece around that age that has caused a lot of problems as well for opening her mouth... the best thing to do is sit her down and talk to her about it... how this can affect others and herself and if it continues then the best thing to do is punish her by taking out activities that are fun for her.

[KMC6296]

Right now we are punishing her by taking away privlidges. She cannot play with the kids after school and she has lost her iPod and computer time. I really don't think she is trying to be mean on purpose. I think she gets excited and wants to be part of the conversations around her. As for the gossiping, that I just don't know about. My husband and I have talked to her about the gossiping and the nonstop talking. When we ask her why, she says she doesn't know. When we ask if she understands how she looks to others like she is unkind, she seem to understand, And she understands that what she's doing and saying is hurtful to others. She tells us that it just comes out and after, she kows she shouldn't do it, but now it's too late.

I have tried giving her a journal and having her write down the things that bother her or things she wants to talk about but are not big things that she needs to say immediately. This kind of worked. The problem is that I won't let her keep the journal at school because I don't want it to turn into a problem. It works OK at home when she can immediately write down things she wants to talk about. We save the journal for right before bed time and then discuss the things she has writtem about.

I think our obstacle is that she just blurts out whatever comes to mind. I think if we could get a handle on that, the gossiping and big personality would simmer down.