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sally20 · May 16, 2008, 01:11 PM

I have been married for 5 years with my husband and we have a 3 year old daughter and when it comes to sex we love it in fact we have it all the time but when my husband comes home from work the first thing he does is touch me all over my body in all those areas that don't need to be explained and all day from when he get home until we go to bed he only touches me there what can I do to make my husband realize that there is more to me that boobs and? :( :(

Choux · May 16, 2008, 01:18 PM

You probably don't want to hear this, but his touching games are somewhat hostile.

Doesn't it irritate you? Don't you think he is "marking his territory", not being loving?

Synnen · May 16, 2008, 01:39 PM

How about just asking him to touch you other places? TALKING about it would probably help a lot.

De Maria · May 16, 2008, 06:54 PM

Is marriage all about sex?

No.

Originally Posted by sally20

I have been married for 5 years with my husband and we have a 3 year old daughter and when it comes to sex we love it in fact we have it all the time but when my husband comes home from work the first thing he does is touch me all over my body in all those areas that dont need to be explained and all day from when he get home until we go to bed he only touches me there what can i do to make my husband realize that there is more to me that boobs and ??:( :(

1. Been there, done that.
2. He probably doesn't realize that by constantly touching you in those places he is only satisfying his lust. He isn't thinking about you. If I'm right, when you ask him to stop, he'll be insulted and mad.

So how do you get him to stop?

I don't know. I only stopped doing that to my wife when I converted to Christianity and learned the Christian meaning of marriage. Of course, my wife also converted about the same time and she suddenly started dressing more modestly. That may have helped.

How do you dress at home? If your clothes is very revealing, that will only make things worse.

Sincerely,

De Maria

Fr_Chuck · May 16, 2008, 07:15 PM

There is a old joke if you want a Priest to really not have sex, let him be married for 10 years.

But no marriage is so much more than sex, sex is a part but not really the major part.

If you want your husband to act and do things differently guide him, talk to him tell him what you want and how you like it.

simoneaugie · May 16, 2008, 11:04 PM

Many men zero in on the three main points of (their) interest. It can get boring. That's like liking chocolate ice cream and refusing to eat much else. He is behaving like a little boy. If you enjoy the sex, great and there are rituals that comfort a couple. Talk to him about it. Women are so much more than something to grab at. Getting grabbed in the same places every day can make a woman feel like a piece of meat, albeit a desired one.

JBeaucaire · May 16, 2008, 11:40 PM

I know others may say his aggression is selfish and unacceptable. I understand them saying that, but it's not marital thinking. You are IT for this man. Make sure it stays that way. You are THE outlet for this man's sexual urges. His are strong. If you stifle them in any way, you cannot predict the result, but you can imagine the possibilities.

Sheesh, of ALL the things that you could have wrong in your marriage, "My husband objectifies me sexually...but the sex is great!"... is a unbelievably nuts.

If he's a little single-minded in his approach, then coach him! Don't use the internet, use your relationship with him. Teach him HOW to grab you flirtatiously in ways that you can enjoy, too. Don't teach him not to grab at all, that's a losing lesson. Trust me. But it is your body.

And you can participate, even initiate some of this "greeting groping" you know he loves so much. It may not feel like a compliment, but to him it is. After 23 years of marriage I've learned not to do this too much, but I still WANT to grab on my wife all the time. And when I do it now, I know the parts of her she likes grabbed and squeezed... (not the boobs, always the butt... TMI?)

Greg Quinn · May 17, 2008, 12:24 AM

I think this borderlines sexual addiction. People actually seek help for this disorder. I think her enquiry is passive at most.
Sex can be great at the right times, but its not really good if you are doing it to the point it unsettles the normal life you are trying to lead.
I'm not sure if the OP was exaggerating, but there is no way a person could have a three yr old child and have that much sexuality around, in many ways that couldn't be a healthy thing.
I may be a very busy person, but I just can't imagine working around my child's important routine with that kind of disruption. Don't get me wrong, I have my weekends and days. There have been months where I felt like a hyena during mating season, but if it got a little carried away I would hope my partner would tell me... Nicely.

trying4babykirk · May 17, 2008, 12:30 AM

Hi.. well I would give anything for my hubby to come home and desire me... although I can see your point how it would be annoying! Honestly he probably thinks you enjoy it just as much as he does if you haven't said anything about it! You should probably tell him, you know men aren't good at reading minds, let me rephrase that they are good at reading our minds RIGHT! Lol... but talk to him and tell him, like I said he probably doesn't have any idea that it bothers you! UPDATE US! Good luck!

talaniman · May 17, 2008, 06:49 AM

Brings back memories of long ago, and my wife was teaching me how, and where, and when, she wanted what she wanted. Don't be shy with your husband, but charming, seductive, and INFORMATIVE, about your wants and needs. Be darn if after 30 years, I'm still eating out of her hand.

bushg · May 17, 2008, 06:53 AM

I tried talking and when that didn't work I used the pan I was cooking dinner with. A few swats with that and he cut that out real quick.

Alty · May 17, 2008, 07:06 AM

Okay, I have a different approach. He grabs you, you grab him, and non to gently either, after a while he'll get the hint. (kidding, a little bit) :)

Just talk to him about it, tell him that you love having sex with him and you love that he shows his love for you, but that it's getting to be a bit too much for you to be constantly manhandled by him.

Good luck.

JBeaucaire · May 17, 2008, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by bushg

I tried talking and when that didn't work I used the pan I was cooking dinner with. A few swats with that and he cut that out real quick.

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Okay, I have a different approach. He grabs you, you grab him, and non to gently either, after a while he'll get the hint. (kidding, a little bit)

See, although I UNDERSTAND these suggestions, I have to repeat - You can win this battle and LOSE the WAR.

Just make sure what you want to do is teach this man to suppress his urges towards you. I wouldn't recommend that. I would suggest you teach him more appropriate ways to DO what he wants, and you even participate. That wins the battle AND the war.

But it's your choice what is most important to you.

Choux · May 17, 2008, 11:15 AM

You totally miss the point, rocket man... it's not about sex or love... she should forbid it and show him how to kiss her gently on the lips and say "I love you". ":)

JBeaucaire · May 17, 2008, 05:39 PM

Feel free to forbid it. And feel free to accept the consequences.

I am not trying to preach a dogma here, I'm trying to shake up some awareness here that being married isn't about being right, it's not about defining boundaries, it's not about respectfulness. It's about ALL THOSE THINGS PLUS a huge helping of "I get what my mate really needs and will go to the ends of the earth to try and give it to them."

They both need to be this way. But she can only take care of her half. From where I sit, allowing it and participating in it and guiding it into a version she can live with and eventually appreciate is a road to marital success.

All I want is for her to acknowledge what I'm saying, even if she decides not to follow it, and my belief is most people won't. Being selfless is hard work.

So, feel free to forbid it completely and teach him to kiss you gently and say "I love you." It's totally the same thing for him, right?

liz28 · May 17, 2008, 06:20 PM

Marriage is about communtion so just let him know how you feel about this issue because its not base on sex and if he think so then couseloring is needed.

I thought it funny whoever posted about hitting him with a pan, that's something you would see in comedy.lol. I would keep that advice in case it needed in the future.

talaniman · May 17, 2008, 06:48 PM

There is always a right way to express yourself in a marriage, and we all have our own way of doing that. Knowing yourself, and knowing your partner well enough to know what he reacts best, to is the whole key. Some of us guys need a frying pan to get our attention. Some of us can take a dirty look as a warning. When smoke comes out of my wife's ears, then I know to pay attention. We all have our way.

Alty · May 17, 2008, 07:24 PM

Eek Tal, I accidentally hit enter before I finished writing. I wanted to say that you shouldn't be forced to accept something that you don't like, period.

Handyman2007 · May 17, 2008, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by Choux

You probably don't want to hear this, but his touching games are somewhat hostile.

Doesn't it irritate you? Don't you think he is "marking his territory", not being loving?

HOSTILE?? Immature maybe but certainly not hostile. I think you sjould just be honest with the guy(be kind) and let him know that you like to be touched but not all of the time.

Synnen · May 17, 2008, 09:27 PM

The whole thing is... has she TOLD him she doesn't like it?

I mean, how can he be being mean and hostile and immature and whatever if he thinks she likes it too?

Seriously--this is about communication, not about disrespect or cruelty or whatever.

ASKING him to stop, or asking him to do something different that's still win-win would probably work better than just fuming about it, or hitting him with a frying pan, or being a nag about it or whatever.

Just say "honey, I know that you're just expressing your desire for me (which is GREAT! I love that you want me!), but it's really getting to the point where it's somewhat annoying thatyou ONLY touch my naughty bits, and not the rest of me. Could we work on that together? I mean, instead of groping me, could you kiss the back of my neck first thing, and work UP to groping?"