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pixiepeel · May 14, 2008, 04:47 PM

I will try to keep this short.

Basically me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years and then a few months ago we broke up. It was more his decision as on many occasions I tried to get back together but he said he couldn't go back and just didn't want to be in a relationship. Things wernt working between us, we just kept arguing.

On a whole we were speperared for a month and due to my heartbreak all I did was go out clubbing with friends, one week after breaking up I kissed another guy. And stupidly enough I rubbed it in my exes face. I too saw this guy a few more times and it only led to foreplay. My ex only knew I had kissed a guy, and he said he was upset I was going out and getiing on with my life. It was a messed up month when we were together it was great, we still kept having sex, but in a way we wernt in a relationship. A part of me was missing.

Then one day we got on so well, I cried and said I wanted to get back with him. He said we needed to 'talk' about some things and met up the next day. That day I found out he had kissed this girl he works with (she has been after him for about a year, and would intentionally flirt with him, she's a ) only later to find out they had sex!

I was so hurt as sex to me is a very important thing. Note: me and him lost out virginity to one another (were both 18) and I haven't had sex with anyone else. He confessed and he cried so much. He told me how much he needed me, how much of a mistake she was, how he didn't want to hurt me, how much he loved me.

After having some days apart I thought things over and we decided to give it another go... since then he has told her to go away deleted her off his Facebook told her we are back together, and at work they try to ignore each other as much as possible. In a way I do trust him however the pain of it kills me inside.

So my question is, is there any way it could have just been a silly mistake, can that just happen? Or will he never change? (this has never happened before) Will he still have some attraction towards her? A part of me will never understand but a part of me understands that maybe she was just "there" to fill the whole where I was gone. He is great to me at the moment and floods me in love...

Please any opinions, and not just one liners, I would like true opinions from people who may have felt my pain before. Thank You

talaniman · May 14, 2008, 06:33 PM

we still kept having sex, but in a way we wernt in a relationship.

First timers with no experience often have a hard time dealing with their emotions and coping with their feelings. Sex is very confusing to you both as it intensifies all those already strong urges and attractions. Time away would have at least given the emotional dust time to settle, but now you both will probably play this thing out until you mature more and understand yourselves better. Until then, it will be one learning curve, with pain and confusion, but try to enjoy the youth, and learning each other.

alwaystrue · May 15, 2008, 02:25 PM

Did he have sex with his co-worker while you was together or apart? Even way I can see why your uncomfortable about it since they work together and you will always question him about her. Maybe he should look for another job, but the flipside of that is what happens when someone from there comes on to him?

bigbird213 · May 15, 2008, 02:32 PM

You ask if he will ever change or if it will happen again. The truth is: "it" is nothing. You guys weren't together so you had no claim to him. Furthermore, you are upset with him for having sex while you were broken up but you had an encounter of your own (and it seems you have no intentions of telling him about it).

Hard as it is to hear, I don't see this turning out well. I think you need to learn to be less reliant on others and happier with yourself. It seems as though you both had to be with each other in order to be happy - very unhealthy.

plonak · May 15, 2008, 02:38 PM

I agree that he should look for another job if his job is a replacable one, like if it's just retail and he could easily work somewhere else.. he needs to learn to resist. You guys were broken up and he didn't cheat on you, but I wonder if he broke up with you to sleep with her.. hope I didn't raise new quesitons or suspisions. I would try to get over it, if you guys are good together, work on forgiving and forgetting. Just don't be naïve about anything.

Tashinha · May 15, 2008, 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by pixiepeel

I will try to keep this short.

Basically me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years and then a few months ago we broke up. It was more his decision as on many occasions i tried to get back together but he said he couldnt go back and just didnt want to be in a relationship. things wernt working between us, we just kept arguing.

On a whole we were speperared for a month and due to my heartbreak all i did was go out clubbing with friends, one week after breaking up i kissed another guy. And stupidly enough i rubbed it in my exes face. I too saw this guy a few more times and it only led to foreplay. My ex only knew i had kissed a guy, and he said he was upset i was going out and getiing on with my life. It was a messed up month when we were together it was great, we stil kept having sex, but in a way we wernt in a relationship. A part of me was missing.

Then one day we got on so well, i cried and said i wanted to get back with him. he said we needed to 'talk' about some things and met up the next day. that day i found out he had kissed this girl he works with (she has been after him for about a year, and would intentionally flirt with him, shes a ) only later to find out they had sex!

I was so hurt as sex to me is a very important thing. Note: me and him lost out virginity to one another (were both 18) and i havnt had sex with anyone else. He confessed and he cried so much. he told me how much he needed me, how much of a mistake she was, how he didnt want to hurt me, how much he loved me.

After having some days apart i thought things over and we decided to give it another go...since then he has told her to go away deleted her off his facebook told her we are back together, and at work they try to ignore each other as much as possible. In a way i do trust him however the pain of it kills me inside.

So my question is, is there any way it could have just been a silly mistake, can that just happen? Or will he never change? (this has never happened before) Will he still have some attraction towards her? A part of me will never understand but a part of me understands that maybe she was just "there" to fill the whole where i was gone. He is great to me at the moment and floods me in love....

please any opinions, and not just one liners, i would like true opinions from people who may have felt my pain before. Thank You

I say go for him but... I also say he should talk to the boss about her and tell her to stop.