[27w08xx]

Recently, our 2 youngest children B & G share with me that their grandma (my husband ex-mother-in-law) has been talking bad behind me and my older boy A. She tells them not to trust us. She even says I'm bad, I'm not their mum and their mum is dead. I feel the pain she had for her daughter's death as my 2 kids had shared with me their mum's death and how their grandma had cried. I feel really sorry for her therefore had never hold grudge against her even though she accused my older boy of stealing from B & G. I see she loves her grandchildren so much that she's only trying to protect them. She calls everyday to check our 2 kids, visit whenever she likes, and our door always open for her, I've always welcome her. I feel it's our children blessing they are love by their grandma and aunties. They treated our 2 kids like their own, buy gifts and gave money to them very often whenever they meet which I didn't think is necessarily good for them. I worry they'll spoil them, our children said their grandma tells them that they must always bring more money with them to school at all time. I noticed our children behave differently whenever they visit grandma, they come home angry and hot-tempered, often they are irritated and rude to grandma. To date, our children told me they treated her this way because she never say nice things about me and A.
Grandma acts nice in front of me and I never thought she would talk behind me like this. My husband warned me before, he said they wanted to take his kids away from him and he want no contact with them. I thought it was a misunderstanding and asked him to move on and reconcile with her as she is still our kids' grandma. I am so naïve. I'm very hurt and angry at what she does. I really do not know what to do with her. I cant' stop her from seeing our children cause this will not please them. I address her Grandma too but I feel to stop addressing her grandma now but Mrs xxx, I also feel to tell her straight on her face that she is mean and what she does is not only bad for our new family (about 2 years marriage) but also our children, bringing resentful & rebellious kids. Obviously, also breaking the bond between us. My husband is upset too. Please advise.

[sweet jane]

You are your children's first and, often, only line of defense. You are the person who is supposed to protect and nurture them at all costs. While I respect that your ex mil is nice and loves the 2 children, she clearly doesn't treat the other one or you very well at all. You will need to weigh what to do in this situation... but I would want all of my children treated equally. I would also demand respect when it comes to my marriage and my personal being. If she cannot respect those boundaries and constantly is interfering in your children's lives with negativity, I wouldn't think that would be a loving thing to do. She is being emotionally abusive--from what you have stated. I wouldn't deal with it any longer. I would simply tell her asap in a nice way that there will be no more discussion of your family in any negative way. If she cannot respect that, I wouldn't have much contact with her any more. It is only hurting your children and you marriage to have toxic people in your lives.

[pluckyflamingo]

Your family needs to come first and you need to protect it. Coming from a home where my husband was the grandson that was ignored, with forgotten birthdays, no presents and pretty much swept under the rug. My husband still has issues/grudges for what he went through as a kid, don't let it happen to yours. You need to have a talk with her about how this needs to stop or things are going to change. Because if she can't respect you she cannot respect your kids. If she continues then I am afraid you need to cut the cord and if she wants to see them she will have to visit with your supervision. There is nothing worse then a vain woman who is trying to brainwash your kids into thinking you are horrible. Don't put up with this any longer because what does it show your children that you allow this to happen.

[talaniman]

My husband warned me before, he said they wanted to take his kids away from him and he want no contact with them.

Maybe you should have listened to your husband!