[prosty]

Threads merged

Ive been seeing this girl for 3yrs. Always been there for her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable (she's a student and I'm a worker) and one day she told me the parents are against the relationship so we should stop seeing each other. I tried convincing her but she wouldn't listen not knowing she's found a new man. She told me I can't force her to marry me and all those stuff. In fact I was shartered and couldn't think straight. I acted like a typical wussbag, begging her to come back, telling how hurt I'm how much I love her, how life will not be the same without her.

I really love and care deeply for her, then I decided to let her go no matter how painful. A few days later she called me and said she missed me and always thinking about me and that she doesn't love the other guy and wants 2 come back. I said OK then she called again and said she can't forget about me but can't leave the other guy also (I think she's confused herself about who to choose). Now I've found someone in her school who I think I really like and wanted to start seeing. They're at the same dorm and same class. Do you guys think it's advisable to start seeing the new girl? If my ex comes back I'll not be able to turn my back to her. Please advise. Thanks

[Jac]

Start anew. Best medicine. Ever.

[fredg]

Hi,
Sometimes, it's easier to make up an "excuse" to have some space from a relationship, than just to say it. Your old girlfriend of 3 years, needed some space for awhile. Relationships change, find new ones, and one sometimes never knows what's happening!
Since you have found a new girl you like, stay with her. Find out if you might have a good relationship with her. Eventually, your old girlfriend will let you know how she really feels.
I wouldn't try to start up a "friend" relationship with her. It's going to be hard getting over her, and talking with new girls will help. I suggest keeping on with this new girl, and see what happens.
I do wish you the best of luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would be interested in knowing the ages of the people here, what level in school and the such. But in general you can not make anyone love you and often while it is hard, you must move on with your life.

[CaptainForest]

Start dating this new girl, move on... your ex has.

[prosty]

Fr. Church,
I'm 31 and she's 20 and a college girl. She told me age is no prob because the new man is around my age and even a year or two older. Thanks for your wonderful advice. It has really helped me to forget about her temporary. She even called me last night but I didn't pick it. Before your advice, I'd have immediately picked her call or call her back.

[jeffatl]

Congratz bud. It is hard, I know. I was with my ex for 5 years, 2 months after we split BAM engaged!! It gets better, trust me. That was about 5 months ago, and its been nothing but smooth sailing. Just keep your head up and don't do anything foolish like jump into another relationship as well. Take some time for you, and HAVE SOME FUN! Don't talk to her for at least a month. Good luck on "the process". If I made it, so can you.

[Chery]

prosty vbmenu_register("postmenu_94253", true);
New Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2



gf found another man after 3 yrs
Ive been seeing this girl for 3yrs. Always been there 4 her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable (she's a student and I'm a worker) and one day she told me the parents are against the relationship so we should stop seeing each other. I tried convincing her but she wouldn't listen not knowing she's found a new man. She told me i can't force her to marry me and all those stuff. In fact I was shartered and couldn't think straight. I acted like a typical wussbag, begging her to come back, telling how hurt I'm how much i love her, how life will not be the same without her.

I really love and care deeply for her, then I decided to let her go no matter how painful. A few days later she called me and said she missed me and always thinking abt me and that she doesn't love the other guy and wants 2 come back. I said ok then she called again and said she can't forget abt me but can't leave the other guy also (I think she's confused herself abt who to choose). Now I've found someone in her school who I think I really like and wanted to start seeing. They're at the same dorm and same class. Do you guys think it's advisable to start seeing the new girl? If my ex comes back I'll not be able to turn my back to her. Please advise. Thanks

Since you posted this in two different places, I intend on answering to this one.

Sorry about your dilema, but you belong to a club of millions, so you're not alone.

Life does not always show you it's best side in a relationship, but it helps you learn from it and gives you the opportunity to grow stronger. Take advantage of this by just putting it in your 'experience drawer' and go on with your life - stay away from her as she is not certain of what she wants either. You need and deserve someone who will grow with you and respect you for the person you are and one who will not play games.

Take a break, get to learn new people, and get over the pain of this loss. It might take a while, but believe me, it will pass and you will find the right person to share your future with and she's NOT it.

Good luck, and keep us posted.





Life it too short to waste the energy to try and understand what is going on in her mind, and you need to collect yourself and start with someone new. All the best!

[fredg]

HI,
At 20 yrs old and a college girl, she probably doesn't know who or what she wants right now. Normally, it will be another 2 yrs before she graduates, and starts looking for a job.
Give her some time, and maybe it will work out later. Don't call her or communicate with her for a month or two, see what developes, if anything. I do wish you the best.

[Chery]

Welcome to the forum. Be aware that you are not the only one in the world going through this and it will most likely not be the first or last time. But, the good news is that nobody has every died of a broken heart in your age-group. It's just that making choices when not having had the chance to try new things, learn to know new people, and just plain planning what to do with your life is difficult for anyone, especially those of you who are still in school.

I am 55 now, have a daughter and going to have a grandchild soon, who will go through the same strifes in life as you are now, and honestly, I am already getting prepared to try and help that young thing get through life as best as it can.

If you feel you can't talk to your parents or grandparents about your issues or they are too busy to bother with you to give you advice, stay on with us and we will try and help you as much as we can. Remember, you are not alone. Your girlfriend is going through a difficult growing stage too and is probably just as mixed up as you are.

The nice thing about this also is that if you understand each other, and can grow up together, even if not dating anymore, you'll have a good friend and that counts for something too. Be courteous and caring towards each other and help each other out as much as possible and you'll do just fine.

Check the following sites that were suggested by a fellow forum member and see for yourselves that you are not alone and that you'll get help going through this part of your life.

Go to www.askmen.com and read every dating article... every article - including Doc Love.
www.sosuave.com - read everything!!
www.lovetactics.com - read all the free articles.
www.relationships.blog-city.com - read about how women really are.


Good luck, and keep us posted.

[phillysteakandcheese]

Most people are under the impression that there is “only one soul mate” for them in this world. I think that is wrong. I think there are many soul mates for every person in this world, and it's much more a case of you choosing which one you want to spend your life with.

In this case - You are young. You have a future ahead of you. Your ex was great for three years. Now it's time to venture into the world and meet other people you can be close with and maybe even share your life with.

Perhaps you will cross paths with your ex in the future, and maybe at that time you can see what there is between you. For right now – the world is in front of you.

[Wildcat21]

Listen to Chery...

That "I want you back call" was a TEST - you were a WUSS again... you should have said no. You really should have never picked up the call. I t was a test because ALL she wanted to do was see if she still had you for her OWN FREAKING EGO. She had no intentions of getting back together. She wanted to see if you were still a Wuss.

"Always been there 4 her, do everything 2 make her happy and comfortable" - there was your 100% problem. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh YUCK!!

[prosty]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. It's been very helpful and I think I'm gradually getting over her (though not easy). I've stopped calling her for the past 1 week (not even flashing/buzzing her cell phone). For the past few days, she's been calling me like 5 time a day but I never answered her calls. 2 days ago, she sent a txt message asking if I have travelled and have forgotten about her. Again I didn't reply, she sent another one saying she'll be coming to work place later this week to see me. I want to take some days off so that she won't come and meet me in the office. Any more help from you good people?

[scaredgal]

Well I agree with the other posters here it is just a test. A lot of people like to do that for some reason. Maybe just to have you on the back burner in case the other guy doesn't work out so she won't have to be single if he turns out to be jerk. It is not because she loves you. If she loves you then she wouldn't have done this to you, she wouldn't have been seeing someone else. Would have never occurred to her to leave you.. after all you wouldn't have done that to her because you loved her.

I am sure she cares but it is not the love or respect you deserve. Good job on not answering the phone or text messages. If she stops by your work then I would tell her calm and as brief as possible that it is not cool to come by there. Something like " I don't want to hurt your feelings but this is my place of work so it is unprofessional of me to have personal visitors, I don't mean to be harsh but please leave"

Then the most important is WALK AWAY after that don't let her stand there and continue to charm you.

Best of luck to you I am sure you will make it through this and find someone who deserves the devotion you offer to a girl. Date around in the meantime and just enjoy getting to know new people.

[Wildcat21]

Avaoid her for a long time. GOOD FOR YOU for not answering the phone. I know it's hard... but she doesn't deserve your presence after all this.

She is playing massive amounts of games.

[kp2171]

Move on.

I dated a girl I was certain I'd marry for 6 years. 4 years in she did the same crap and then reversed. Was never the same after... we just wasted two more years figuring out that it was already over. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Her loss. Too bad. Walk away. Run.

My only issue is your saying if your ex comes back you cannot turn her away. Well then don't go dating this other girl cause all you are doing is using someone who's done nothing to hurt you or let her know up front it isn't a serious thing and you don't want to get attached right away. The fact they know each other is a constant reminder for your ex. She'll not make life easy for the new girl. If the new girl is cool with that, fine.

I'm not saying don't date the new girl. I'm saying don't screw with her head. You KNOW she's going to get noise from your ex. And if you don't have it in you to back her up, then leave her alone. You need to figure out how to turn your back on your ex.

Again, its not fun. But if its really over, bury it. You'll just waste time and energy for something that is gone.

[Chery]

move on.

i dated a girl i was certain i'd marry for 6 years. 4 years in she did the same crap and then reversed. was never the same after... we just wasted two more years figuring out that it was already over. stupid. stupid. stupid.

her loss. too bad. walk away. run.

my only issue is your saying if your ex comes back you cannot turn her away. well then don't go dating this other girl cause all you are doing is using someone who's done nothing to hurt you or let her know up front it isn't a serious thing and you don't want to get attached right away. the fact they know each other is a constant reminder for your ex. she'll not make life easy for the new girl. if the new girl is cool with that, fine.

i'm not saying dont date the new girl. i'm saying don't screw with her head. you KNOW she's going to get noise from your ex. and if you dont have it in you to back her up, then leave her alone. you need to figure out how to turn your back on your ex.

again, its not fun. but if its really over, bury it. you'll just waste time and energy for something that is gone.

EXCELLENT ADVICE AND INSIGHT! I wholeheartedly agree. Don't waste any more time and energy. Or, instead of taking a few days off from work, message and/or tell her point-blank that your workplace if off-base and that's that.

[talaniman]

:cool: You've done a brilliant job so far and you should tell her straight -up not to bother you at work,the only thing I can add is beware break-up relationships as they can lead to you hurting someone else's feeling and I don't think that would be right, so go slow but go.:)

[blueiman]

She left you because she did not think she wanted you. So, now she is with another and thinks she likes you better. She did this once she will do again. Go out with whoever you want to. Its your life so go for it! I would not take her back once she went to another. Dating OK. But, she left you for another. Not good in my opinion... good luck... lmf

[prosty]

Hey guys
I've done something I think I shouldn't have done. As I told you earlier, I stopped calling/taking her calls for nearly 2 weeks, then on 5th March (my birthday) thus Sunday, she sent me a birthday message via SMS. I didn't reply then on Mondy her elder sister called me on phone and told me my ex has been seriously taking ill and has gone home from school. I called my ex on the phone and asked how she was faring. She said she was OK but accused me of abandoning her and stopped calling and that I'm wicked and hurting her. I couldn't stand those words so hung up on her. Since then I've not called her neither has she called me but I think I've done something terribly stupid by calling her in the first place.

With the new girl in her school, I've seen her on some few occasions and we talked on the phone most of the time but I've not taken a step further than being a friend to her for now. Your opinion is very much welcome and thanks.