[bfig23]

OK hey! It's bfig... look me and my girlfriend have been dating for 5 months... we were happy and really had no problems. One day she told me that she needed to talk. When we talked that night she told me she was starting to feel confused about our relationship. I then became scared and ask probably the dumbest question you can ask your spouse... I asked if she wanted to end it? She then told me why? Do you want to end it? Right then I knew she was pissed and I think that made her drift even more to wanting a break and being confused. So I tried to calm her down, when I finally did everything seemed normal again. Come to find out she was still pissed and the next time we had a conversation she said that nothing has changed and that I just don't get how she feels. So she ended our relationship just a couple days ago and she says she still loves me but she is just not ready yet... now my question is... how can I get her back without nagging her or making it seem like I'm trying to force her back into a relationship? :(

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Firstly, just because YOU were happy and SAW no problems doesn't mean that's how the relationship really was. Obviously. She was unhappy (for some reason that you need to find out) and there were problems otherwise she wouldn't want to end it.

Talk to her. That is the best way to solve anything. Talk talk talk. Ask her what went wrong. What YOU can do to fix it. That she means the world to you, and you'll do anything to fix your relationship.

[sandra6]

Hi the question is do you love her? I would say give her a bit more time don't pressure her then she will come to you. Be a friend as well as a partner. Let her do the talking and try to reassure her things will be fine if you talk. Did she say why she was confused about the relationship? It not really the dumbest question really I still ask my partner that after 4 years. Try and find out what she really wants from the relationship. Don't get too worried she might be as scared as you. I hope this make sense and helps you. Let me know how you get on will you? Sandra6

[nickshehe]

I don't like giving reds but I'm partly disagreeing with you chihuaha : [
I doubt a girl you are with for 5 months could mean the world to you - and that sort of statement would probably scare her even more..

Yes your girlfriend was unhappy. You dated for 5 months. If she claims she "still loves you" after your 5 month relationship then you should ask yourself how someone can claim they love you but within less than 5 months of that "love" they want out?
If she honestly loves you and she isn't talking about it - which is the way things are SUPPOSED to work. Then this should hint towards something , however you manage to get her back she is going to run out on you again. I got the feeling that she's playing a game.
She gets pissed off. You work it out. She's still pissed off. She dumps you but claims she still loves you but "shes not ready yet".
Why would you want her back after she's treating you like this?
She got pissed off because you asked her if she wanted to end it? Because you were honest with her and you felt that this was where it was going? And then she ends it..
She did you a favour man.
You deserve better.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Disagreement isn't a valid reason to give a reddie, those are reserved for the factually incorrect answers.

See, I disagree with you as well. I don't think that deserves a reddie at all, just a statement. I KNOW that someone that you have been with for only five months can mean the world to you. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he's my world. I felt as strongly for him after 5 months, even less, as I do now. As he feels for me. And we let each other know it. Not every relationship has to go as a designated speed.

If you feel something for her, let her know. If it scares her then it wasn't meant to be. I do however agree with nickshehe, that she has been treating you badly, if you still want to be with her after this, you are taken by love. Doesn't necessarily mean that's a good thing. It depends on how she feels. And that's something that you need to find out.

If she's done, then move on. If she still wants something with you, let her know that there needs to be open communication. Because if you are thinking things are going well, and she just pops this on you. Obviously she was harboring those feelings, and not communicating them to you. That can be detrimental to a relationship.

Let us know how things work out.

[nickshehe]

I didn't give you a reddie, I just disagree'd.
There's no right or wrong advice really. :)
Any who.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I didn't give you a reddie, I just disagree'd.
Theres no right or wrong advice really. :)
any who.

I never said that you did.

[talaniman]

now my question is... how can I get her back without nagging her or making it seem like I'm trying to force her back into a relationship? :(

There is nothing you can do, but be happy without her. Not what you wanted to hear, but factually, its all up to her. Leave her alone.

[Tribune17]

Hi mate, may I suggest you put on an act - don't call her bascally NC - if she calls tell her you are going out with some friends even if you are not create the impression you are busy, if she asked you to come round say no you cannot you are committed to going out - sound serious don't sound down or upset, but be polite. Tell her you want to enjoy yourself, and not be miserable. Keep the conversation light and quick and end the conversation first. I guarantee you she will be thinking of you and will want to see you again, if you act needy she will keep away, if you don't she will come to you, trust me it works, though some women will deny it. Don't call her it is important to create the illusion remember this is all to ge her back - and to be honest you don't have her now so what have you got to lose.

[Romefalls19]

After 5 months she's telling you she loves you then needs to "talk". Do you really want to be with this nut case who doesn't know what she wants? No offense, but I think she's using that as a cover and she knows what she wants and it isn't you, sorry to be blunt.

NC is the way to go, not to get her back but to heal yourself and get your manhood back. Everyone turns into the love sick puppy dog after a break up. Lose all contact with her and move on.

[talaniman]

I guarantee you she will be thinking of you and will want to see you again, if you act needy she will keep away, if you don't she will come to you, trust me it works, though some women will deny it. Don't call her it is important to create the illusion remember this is all to ge her back

While I agree with the steps you take, the motives behind them are clearly about manipulating someone's feelings, and seldom works out in the long run, and leads to false hope, either way you look at it its not fair, to either partners, nor healthy.

[Chery]

Putting on and act or creating illusions is what probably got you where you are in the first place, and I highly recommend that nobody should play games when it comes to looking for a partner and planning a future.

I know it's easier said than done to stress that communication is the key, as most people are scared of saying the wrong things and being rejected - but if you don't communicate who you really are and how you feel about things as important as a partnership - then keeping silent and hoping that you are reading each other's minds will lead to a bitter end.

During a 5 month period, learning things about each other, sharing likes and dislikes, honesty and growth are important - not just how good in bed - but throughout the daily life and other things in common. So if you both failed to express these for fear of loss, then this was not right to begin with. Taking things for granted will lead you right against a brick wall.

So, please go on with your life as if you are not expecting her back - start your healing process and think of what you'll do better next time you start a relationship. Be yourself and stop acting as if on stage.

Good luck, and keep us posted.