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Coolkriete · Feb 21, 2006, 08:32 PM

The last month I have had some very upsetting blows. I applied for this firefighting position that I really really wanted. I needed to be an EMT though so I had to test also. Well I had the job and lost it because I had failed my test. Anyway I had been very stressed about all this and I kind of took all my stress out on her. I treated her unfair and was very selfish. Well I should first tell you me and her are virgins and had planned to wait till marriage. But I was listening being very horny and was starting to take things to far. Anyway now were up to speed. She had tried telling me what I was doing to her but I guess I wasn't listening. So About 3 weeks ago she broke up with me. She said she didn't like the way I treated her and felt like I was taking thing to far. Did I mention we work at the same place. Anyway now that she is gone I can see what a jerk I was. Ive tried to tell her Im sorry and I've changed but she is afraid to believe me. Another thing I forogt to mention is that she is now seeing someone else. He was just there for her when I was being a jerk. I know the guy and he is a very nice guy but he is 3 years younger then her and is still in high school, he also works at the same place as us. I had planned on marrying her in about a year. I was just getting ready to propose. I don't know what to do. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I would wait for her to decide what she wants. I know she still cares about me because she still has all my pictures up and sleeps with the bear I gave her. I don't want her to remember me for the jerk I was last month and feel like that's how she remembers me. I told her I wanted to be friends today. But I'm afraid of getting in the friend zone what should I do?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 21, 2006, 08:51 PM

3 weeks after a break up, the "new couple" is not that serious yet and she is certainly not, this is merely a relationshiop of opportunity. But it can grow. The age is not an issue if they don't care.

I would tell her everything you have told us. Ok, don't stalk, but do the flowers, notes, write her a letter, send her a card.
Let her know that you know you were a jerk, that you are sorry and want to make it up to her.

And to be honest a couple has to learn to work thought these types of things, both of you if you wre married will be jerks at diffent points in your life.

All you can do is try, she may come back but you don' know.

fredg · Feb 22, 2006, 05:53 AM

Hi,
As the other answer said, all you can do is keep in touch with her, tell her you are sorry, and see what happens.
She will never forget what you did, what you said, but maybe she can put it behind her. Many years from now, you probably won't forget it all either.
Hang in there, and maybe things will work out. I do wish you the best of luck.

Coolkriete · Feb 22, 2006, 02:15 PM

Well I should tell you more about what is going on. For the first week of our breakup I kind of freaked and was constantly trying to talk to her and kind of pushed her away. Everyone around her was afraid I was stalking her. Anyway I got over the having to talk to her everyday. She told me she wants time but I'm afraid time will only push her away because I'm affrad shell only remember me the way I had been acting. I also have wrote her letter apologizing say I want her to be happy. So I told her it was OK with mer to see this guy because I want her to be happy. So do I give her time or try to win my way back into her heart.

Wildcat21 · Feb 22, 2006, 02:55 PM

I'd leave her lone. Period. The flowers, appoligizing, cards carp will only push her away - trust me.

This needs a lot of time. She saw WHAT you could become.

You DID NOT respect her... respect is so important and you blew that.

Give her the respect now and leave her alone. I would not even tal kwith her at work unless it is business.

You guys sound WAY to young to consider marriage - and personnaly you way too imature for marriage.

Work on yourself for now. Learn to pass that test. You need to grow up.

The cards and flowers crap only work in the movies. Telling her how you feel NOW only works in the movies.

That's a LOT of damage you created and she rreally needs time WITHOUT you.

jc105 · Feb 23, 2006, 12:12 PM

Wildcat...

You give the same advice, leave them alone. Did you leave a guy and then they leave you alone and you went back? I highly doubt that getting completely out of her way is the answer. But as I step into a similar situation, I am going to have to take the leave her alone advice somewhat. I would love if wildcat, as I have seen so much from her, to elaborate on her experience. Not confrontational wild girl, just want to check my sources. Again I do agree that some space is necessary, and she must feel your confident, but your attitude doesn't make you sound puppy like, just in love. And if she loves you also she will heal. I keep seeing people say she will come back if it is meant to be. I don't believe in fate, or faith, but I do believe in true love. So if she loves you, you two will patch it up. I'm sure that you love her, but we all need to remember to keep showing it.

I guess good luck for all of us. We need it.

Wildcat21 · Feb 23, 2006, 01:24 PM

It worked for me. I waited 3 months - she called me 3 times during that period -the first was after a month. I did not respond.

You NEED to figure out WHAT pushed them away. If cheating or abuse was involved for get it. Improve yourself.

jc105 · Feb 23, 2006, 02:14 PM

At this point I am well aware of what pushed her away.

-I hope I can rebuild, and hope the same for Coolkriete.

Wildcat, thank you VERY VERY much for that response, and I also apologize for thinking you were a woman.

You have given me great hope and hopefully the strength to get her back.

Thank you again, and I hope coolkriete gains the same knowledge, although all these situations are very different.