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Tyne26 · May 7, 2008, 04:31 AM

Hi Everyone,

Im wondering if you can help me here... what are subconscious thoughts??

My story in short is when I was just "seeing" a girl ske kissed another guy at new year, I decided not to join her that night and wish I had now. We are now in a relationship.

She has had a past where her ex boyfriend of 6 yrs was sleeping with girls behind her back. After him she was "seeing" 3 guys on separate occasions and they all did it too. So because of this she has trust & self esteem issues with guys when just seeing them. She said she expected me to kiss other girls as we were not exclusive, didn't see me as committed, and did not trust me as didn't know me well enough.

She was drunk at new year (not an excuse though) and this guy leaned in and kissed her, she didn't stop it straight away but did say after 30 secs.

She said she was worrying at times that night of what I could be getting up to due to past failures as its all she knows and she does not normally do this.

My question is even though she wasn't thinking those things at the moment this guy cracked onto her can they still play a part even though she isn't thinking it then if that makes any sense... ie can we act on thoughts from hours ago without thinking them at that moment (subconciously) but they are there??

Ps I'm hurt of what's happened but I don't want to lose her if this has been the case due to these thoughts, I can forgive for that

Thanks
Tyne

tickle · May 8, 2008, 04:37 AM

You are looking for excuses to absolve her duplicity and there isn't any excuse, she just wants to play around, and that's all there is to it.

Tyne26 · May 8, 2008, 04:58 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

You are looking for excuses to absolve her duplicity and there isnt any excuse, she just wants to play around, and thats all there is to it.

Thanks that just made me feel wonderful.

I'm not trying to excuse what she done she is really sorry for it... im just trying to understand how guys have been with her when they have just being seeing her and not in a committed relationship with her.

She has never done this before, but did admit due to her past she was more weary of me and not getting attached early on till sure... but she didn't think she would do this and she definitely didn't set out for this to happen

All I was wondering can thoughts from early on in the evening have an influence on this situation i.e. paranoia without consciously thinking about it at that time, hence subconscious

tickle · May 8, 2008, 08:18 AM

'thanks that just made me wonderful', I hope you weren't being facetious ! LOL. Sorry if I upset you.

No I don't think the subconscious has any thing to do with it.

Don't be offended if I tell you this, but be careful, if she has slept around because of STDs, you know.

bushg · May 8, 2008, 08:24 AM

Tickle from what I understand from his post is that she did not sleep around but her boyfriend did. All of them slept around on her and she doesn't trust him because of why they did.

Tyne
Just be open, honest and patient with her. At least she was honest with you and did not let things go to far with the other guy.

Tyne26 · May 8, 2008, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by bushg

Tickle from what I understand from his post is thta she did not sleep around but her bf did. all of them slept around on her and she doens't trust him because of why they did.

tyne
Just be open, honest and patient with her. at least she was honest with you and did not let things go to far with the other guy.

No of course she didn't sleep with him I wouldn't have gave her the time of day sorry I should have made that clear... im not excusing what she did I still think it was wrong and she said it was wrong also she didn't know I was committed to her as all other guys haven't been she said she can't help but feel that now... We had been on 4 dates up to that point and as is said we agreed to see each other more but did not agree to a relationship... basically on the 4th date we agreed to see each other more it was 2 months later we got into a relationship... I know for a fact she was worrying about me going with other girls as we were not going out and she didn't see me as committed... throughout the night she had been thinking what I was up to as I chose to be with my friends at new year at a party instead of her... foolish me trying to play it cool... I also got told by her friends she had been hurt badly in the past and all 4 guys used her, so she was being weary and playing it cool... all I was saying was at this time she wasn't thinking about these things when he has leaned into kiss her... she said she did not think she would do something like that and it was out of character... I have heard of subconcious thoughts, obviously they were in her head cause she thought earlier in the evening of those insecurites is it in any way possible for it to happen even though she didn't think of them at that moment i.e. she wasn't aware of that being an influence even thought it was cause its already in her head??

bushg · May 8, 2008, 11:03 AM

Hurtful experiences don't just vanish because we want them to. She needs to work through them and realize that everyone is not the same. If I were you I would take it slow, you don't want to end up paying for her past bf's mistakes. Tell her you want to be judged on your actions.