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mattman_1234567 · May 6, 2008, 09:31 PM

I am 18 yrs old and live with my parents. My ex had a child that she said was mine but has yet to file anything regarding me and the child. My father imformed me that he and my mother were going to take me to court and force me to take a paternity test so they could see the child.

Can they do this?

oneguyinohio · May 6, 2008, 09:52 PM

Not sure if your parents have much legal right to force it, and technically if they did, since you are 18, you are an adult and as such, you would not have to allow them to see your child.

Having said that, you would have to start living on your own... which might not be a bad idea since you don't seem to want to follow your parent's wishes or have them make decisions for you. They could probably make things pretty rough on you if you don't cooperate with the paternity test... living on the street isn't any fun.

However, the courts could order the test for other reasons... either at the request of the babies mother, or children's services, or some other reason. You did not say the age of your ex, or if she is getting any governmental assistance that might require the information.

It seems that a lot of difference exist from one state to another... so I'm only trying to generalize... As I was trying to look up information on this, I found that it might also make a difference if adoption is being considered for the child in which case paternal grandparents may have some rights.

I'm curious as to your reason for not wanting to be acknowledged as the babies father if you are? Are you trying to deny it? Scared? Or have some other reason? I'm not wanting to sound judgemental about it... until I hear your reasons at least...

mattman_1234567 · May 6, 2008, 10:03 PM

Originally Posted by oneguyinohio

Not sure if your parents have much legal right to force it, and technically if they did, since you are 18, you are an adult and as such, you would not have to allow them to see your child.

Having said that, you would have to start living on your own...which might not be a bad idea since you don't seem to want to follow your parent's wishes or have them make decisions for you. They could probably make things pretty rough on you if you don't cooperate with the paternity test... living on the street isn't any fun.

However, the courts could order the test for other reasons... either at the request of the babies mother, or children's services, or some other reason. You did not say the age of your ex, or if she is getting any governmental assistance that might require the information.

It seems that a lot of difference exist from one state to another... so I'm only trying to generalize... As I was trying to look up information on this, I found that it might also make a difference if adoption is being considered for the child in which case paternal grandparents may have some rights.

I'm curious as to your reason for not wanting to be acknowledged as the babies father if you are? Are you trying to deny it? Scared? Or have some other reason? I'm not wanting to sound judgemental about it ... until I hear your reasons at least...

She is 18, gets no assistance and does not want me to have anything to do with the baby. If I did achknoweldge myself as the father she would make my life a living hell. I just got out of 2 first degree misdemeanors today over here and they were false. And in the same daymy father brings this to my attention.

Since she wants nothing to do with me and wants me to having nothingto do with the child can they really force me to do this. It has not been proven I am the father or anything. Bassically its like I was never mentioned as the father. I'm not on the birth certificate or anything. And now my rents are trying to force me to take the test so they can see the kid.

Alty · May 6, 2008, 10:12 PM

Wow, mature attitude, it hasn't been proven therefore not a problem, just keep on doing what you're doing.

It takes two to make a baby, and it takes allot of money to raise a baby. You may not want to have anything to do with this child, but if you are just staying away because she doesn't want you in the picture, then too bad.

If it's your child, then you have every right to be a part of the child's life, and you have the responsibility to pay for that child's upbringing. I would think that you'd welcome a paternity test, that way if it proves to not be your child you can wipe your hands of the whole thing and walk away, which it seems you're planning on doing either way.

Next time use birth control or better yet, keep you pants zipped, then you won't have a problem.

mattman_1234567 · May 6, 2008, 10:42 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Wow, mature attitude, it hasn't been proven therefore not a problem, just keep on doing what you're doing.

It takes two to make a baby, and it takes allot of money to raise a baby. You may not want to have anything to do with this child, but if you are just staying away because she doesn't want you in the picture, then too bad.

If it's your child, then you have every right to be a part of the childs life, and you have the responsibility to pay for that child's upbringing. I would think that you'd welcome a paternity test, that way if it proves to not be your child you can wipe your hands of the whole thing and walk away, which it seems you're planning on doing either way.

Next time use birth control or better yet, keep you pants zipped, then you won't have a problem.

Its not that I don't want to be in the child's life.its just that she has another guys name on the birth certificate. What can I do?

oneguyinohio · May 6, 2008, 10:53 PM

Altenweg makes a lot of good points. Having a son is the best thing that ever happened to me, and no woman could give me enough hell not to want to have him!

Reallistically, your parents probably can take you to court for every dime of financial support they have provided and are providing since you live at home, and you'd be found responsible to pay them back... which they could then wave if you go through with the testing...

That is only one possibility. They may be able to assert grandparents rights in some locations... If they choose to take any legal action against you, how would you fight back financially?

I'd suggest you talk with them about future plans of paying child support... which will go according to your income... so you don't have to be scared about that... and find out if they are willing to assist you financially with the child if you follow their desire without a fight. Lay it out to them that you are young, and see if they will assist with child care etc as you step up to the plate as a father. See if they are willing to let you be in their home with the child... and what they will expect in return. That does not mean they should do it all. You should do as much as you can as well. The carefree days would not be the same as you have had in the past.

Another thing for you to consider is what type of environment you and your parents can provide for that child. Do you live in a stable home? Does the mother?

Lots of talk to do with your parents. And all of this may end up that you are not the father of the baby.

Finally, you should consider getting this all out in the open now. If you get married 5 or 10 years down the road and have a family... the mom might then come after you for support... (who knows?) and that would only create a whole new set of issues for you...

oneguyinohio · May 6, 2008, 10:59 PM

You can go with your parents to file for the paternity test because you feel that the baby may be yours. Depending on the outcome of that testing, the Birth certificate can be changed through the courts.

stinawords · May 7, 2008, 09:57 AM

If you think there's a good chance that it is yours then go to court and they can order a DNA test. Then if it isn't yours you have nothing to think about. If it is then the judge will order the name on the birth cirtificate be changed. Now if you know that there is no chance under any circumstance that the baby is yours tell your parents that. I have a feeling though that there is a chance that it is yours other wise your parents would realize that the time frame from when you two broke up till when the baby was born was off.

N0help4u · May 7, 2008, 03:23 PM

Their proving you are the father would not entitle them to any visitation rights.
There are many organizations fighting for grandparent rights because the courts do not see it as important. For them to get rights they have to prove that the child HAS a special bond with them as well as other things. So them taking you to court for paternity proof would not solve their problem of getting rights.
You would have to go after visitations and rights and then when the kid is with you then your parents would get to see the child but it is not something they can get on their own.
IF the mother ever files for child support then you DO want paternity testing or you could end up paying years of support for a child that may not even be yours, Many guys assume the kid is their's because they look alike but I have seen many babies that look just like the (old) boyfriend and they are not the daddy. So do not take her word and do not go by looks.

Also she may say now that she does not want anything from you but if she ever gets into hard times and/or applies for welfare she could very well change her tune.
Welfare requires you to go after the father for support unless maybe she put unknown as the father.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2008, 04:07 PM

And we wonder why America is having the issues, If you think the child is yours, you demand the DNA test, not be forced to go.
YOu are 18, time to start acting like a man, not a child

JudyKayTee · May 7, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

And we wonder why America is having the issues, If you think the child is yours, you demand the DNA test, not be forced to go.
YOu are 18, time to start acting like a man, not a child

I HATE it when FrChuck beats me to the punch! I was going to say that until the OP is man enough to live on his own, yes, his parents can tell him what to do and when to do it... or get out of their house. At least his parents have some sense.

Children having children.

Alty · May 7, 2008, 06:00 PM

This is a good lesson to all those teenage girls out there wanting to have a baby because they know their guy will stick around, nope, not so much.

Get the DNA test and man up to your responsibilities.

GV70 · May 8, 2008, 11:43 AM

No one can force you / to the exclusion of Court/.
But you have to think that you will be obligated to pay retroactive child support .

mattman_1234567 · May 8, 2008, 06:22 PM

Originally Posted by GV70

No one can force you / to the exclusion of Court/.
But you have to think that you will be obligated to pay retroactive child support .

I have no problem paying child support, I want to see my kid. I just don't think its right or legal for my rents to force me OR take a paternity test for me.

JudyKayTee · May 8, 2008, 06:42 PM

Originally Posted by mattman_1234567

i have no problem paying child support, i want to see my kid. i just dont think its right or legal for my rents to force me OR take a paternity test for me.

It is both moral and legal for your "'rents" to force you to take a paternity test. Obviously you are incapable of doing the right moral thing without their direction.

Prove to them that you're a man not a child - move out of their house.

kp2171 · May 8, 2008, 06:51 PM

You should take the test. It's the right thing to do. Why draw this out any longer than needed.

Live in reality. Take the test. Period.

mattman_1234567 · May 9, 2008, 01:07 AM

Well I talked to a lawyer yesterday and he said since I'm 18 the only way they could take it for me is if I'm dead. He also said there is no way its legal for them to force me. Especially my step dad because he has no legal ties to me (he never adopted me or got any sort or guardianship of me). But I'm going to take it anyway. I just don't like people trying to take something so important like that into there own hands for me.

JudyKayTee · May 9, 2008, 04:01 AM

Originally Posted by mattman_1234567

well i talked to a lawyer yesterday and he said since im 18 the only way they could take it for me is if im dead. he also said there is no way its legal for them to force me. especially my step dad because he has no legal ties to me (he never adopted me or got any sort or guardianship of me). but im gonna take it anyway. i just dont like people trying to take something so important like that into there own hands for me.

Let's all hope that your child - if it is your child - grows up with a far better attitude toward his/her parents and step parents than you have.

All your stepfather ever did for you is put a roof over your head and food in your mouth -