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    linsey_kayy's Avatar
    linsey_kayy Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 5, 2008, 06:13 PM
    Are they just jealous or are they just too honest?
    Ok to start I am 15 years old, 5'3" and 102 lbs.
    a few years ago i went to a small school.
    things were ok until i pissed somebody off. after that they started talking crap about me and making fun of my wardrobe and acne and sometimes my weight. eventually it got to the point where my "friends" were taking my personal info that i trusted them with and spreading it all over the school. my mom was pretty much my therapist during this period. she would always tell me "don't listen to them, they're just jealous" or "they're just bored" but things they did still cut me pretty deep. As a result I now suffer from depression along with a slight eating disorder and I am being treated with anti-depressants. I am also very self conscious and hate the way I look.
    Anyway. I guess what my question is why would people do this if there is nothing wrong with a person? If it is really just 'jealousy' why would they torment somebody because of it?
    I just don't understand.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #2

    May 5, 2008, 06:26 PM
    Honey, they do things like this to make themselves feel better. They get the attention because they make people laugh, and the sad part is that they laugh at you.

    I have a daughter your age, and I actually went through the same thing you are going through. Not my daughter, but me. For the past two years in college.

    I finally decided that I am the only one who can make me feel bad. If I let them get to me they would. So, I stopped caring about what they said and went around doing my own thing and leaving them alone. Guess what... I was the one who ended up with friends at graduation last week. I was the one who was admired for not letting it get to me.

    I know it's hard at your age to go through this. You have so much going on with your young body and your hormones etc. But let me tell you that 102 pounds is not heavy, nor is it thin. It is just right. Acne, well I'm 43 and I still get it.

    They are jealous, they are using you to get attention. It's easier said than done, but if you just ignore the behavior, it goes away.
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #3

    May 5, 2008, 06:51 PM
    By making someone else the target, they are attempting to divert attention away from their own shortcomings. I know there is a lot of peer pressure at your age, and had a number of people who did similar things to me... acting as if I was trash, calling me names, and making fun of me any way they could... Well, eventually I completed a master's degree and not one single one of those a@@es went beyond high school. They now can't even look at me without knowing what complete butheads they were. One of them went to prison, Two of them are gay (which they always accused me of being and I am not) and one of them slept with his half sister while they were doing drugs, one of them is 250 pounds overweight, and one of them is still pretending to be better than eveyone else, but nobody cares. Oh I forgot to mention the part about them having heart problems, cancer, and children with mental disabilities, or having children's services take their kids... So in the long run, all of the torture they caused me back then is still a bad memory for me, and probably still affects myself confidence somewhat, but I know that what they did was a result of their own messed up lives. I only think about them when topics like this come up, or if I am having some self doubt... then I put it into perspective and choose not to believe the things they said, and I work toward doing things to prove to myself that they were wrong about me... I often ask myself if I am doing things for me, or to prove them wrong, and it may be a little of both? They may not even remember how they treated me, some people have very short memories, and they certainly have a lot more things to think about in their own lives. It's a pain to deal with at the time, but try not to buy into their garbage! When they start in on you, just wonder which ones of them will get aids, or burn their brains out on drugs, or commit suicide down the road.

    My thoughts are with you, and stay positive about yourself. Just the fact that you are thinking about it tells me you are smart enough not to buy all their b.s.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #4

    May 5, 2008, 07:24 PM
    The really bad thing is that most likely they were doing it before, but the person being talked about was not you. Those that do it are hateful and mean and they make thierself feel better by hurting others.

    Being the nerd in school, being on the debating team and in the drama club and the chess club, I can remember how mean some of the kids were.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    May 5, 2008, 08:17 PM
    Honey, if you poke a bug with a stick and it reacts then you poke it again, and again, and again, because you got a reaction. If you poke it and it does nothing then you lose interest and walk away. It's the same with bullies, and that's what these kids are. If they get a reaction out of you they'll keep bugging you and picking on you, if you pretend that you didn't hear them, just ignore them, heck they're invisible and mute, then they'll lose interest sooner or later.

    It's hard being a kid, we've all been there and we all survived. I know that doesn't help you right now, because you're still going through it, but you will be okay. One day, when you're an adult, you'll be giving advice you a young person going through the same thing you are now, and you'll be amazed that what seemed so tragic back then is no longer a big deal.

    Take care sweetie, chin up, you're great, know it, own it, live it. :)
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #6

    May 5, 2008, 08:35 PM
    Ignoring them might only make them go at it more intensely for awhile. Because they may see you as an easy target. And as long as people continue to laugh, they get a reaction from those other people that encourages them. It sounds like you may be out of the situation now, which would be nice except that the painful memories don't go away when they do. At times, it may help to remember a line from the Lion King movie... Hakuna Matada... don't worry forget the troubled past and concentrate on the present...

    Then there is the part where the monkey hits the lion on the head. When the Lion says ouch... the monkey tells him it doesn't matter, it's in the past. Then the monkey swings to hit him in the head again with a stick, and the Lion dodges it... which showed that he learned from the past and how to avoid the pain!
    Choux's Avatar
    Choux Posts: 3,047, Reputation: 376
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    #7

    May 5, 2008, 09:03 PM
    Why don't you look into having some hobbies to participate in so that you will have something to feel good about? High schools all have different kinds of clubs... participating in sports are an excellent way to gain confidence and respect. How about track? Volleyball? Something else that appeals to you. Devote yourself to making yourself a success.

    This is a good time in your life to learn the lesson that *what you do* determines how you will feel about yourself. We are responsible to make our own happiness with the help of other good people. There are always unpleasant people to deal with in life... you can't let them let you down and surrender to negativity. You can help yourself. :)

    Remember, you will not be in this environment the rest of your life!! Only a couple more years...
    Handyman2007's Avatar
    Handyman2007 Posts: 988, Reputation: 73
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    #8

    May 8, 2008, 07:05 PM
    They keep up the behaviour because they KNOW it bothers you. I was always picked on in school especially in my early teens. I am now 55 and STILL GET IT!! I just do what I do and move ahead because I KNOW , in my heart, that I am a strong , capable person.
    MsMewiththat's Avatar
    MsMewiththat Posts: 854, Reputation: 136
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    #9

    May 9, 2008, 07:53 PM
    Please take what the people on here are saying to you. It is true and brilliant and so are you. Love you and don't woory. Easier said than done, I know. I read something today that said "if we dim our light so other people can shine the world will be a darker place. " Keep shining, that's what bothers them. Keep being you!

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