[Morning Blaze]

I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago. Initially he said he wanted a break but I said tat I didn't know if a break was a good idea. He said he didn't want to break up he was going tru a tough time and needed space. However we talked everyday after tat he'd ring 2 say he loved me he was sori. I told him if tat was how he felt then a break was not a good ting it was upsettin us both being apart. He told me der was a few tings going on at hme an he didn't know how 2 cope. Any way both r emotions rose I told him mayb we should hve a clean break up he got mad with me and said stop forcing me into something I'm not ready for. Anyway I forced his hand and he said he didn't want to be with me any more. He was sori but he didn't love me anymore. I said fine and when I was about to hang up. He said sori he did love me. Up to this point are relationship was great there was this problem with his family though which had its way of upsetting us both. Mind you, he was a great boyfriend and never went without telling me how much I meant to him. I think mayb he loved me so much but he was forced to end things wit us to make things at home a bit better. Anyway things happened and I ended up getting mad and cut off all contact for a month.

I was doing great or at least I thought I was. I know I'm a complete idiot. People are going to think I'm a phycio x girlfriend. Last night, I ran into him in a nightclub. He wouldn't even look up at me, so I walked by him asked how he was and could we talk why are you ignoring me, what's up?" he jst said "I don't want a girlfriend"... I told him tats not what this was about yes I'm hurt how we broke up because time has passed and I thought we could get past this wall that's up because at the end of the day we both said stuff in the heat of the moment, this is about the fact we had a great friendship things came to head wit your family but that shudnt mean to act like a complete stranger. We made a promise not to let his family come between us and that's what has happened.

It got to the point where I've gone from being this amazing person in his life to being a nobody and I think it's the space tat has caused this. I just think its point less for to try and hate someone and act so distant when you see them just to get over them.
People have said to me oh my god your better off without him he is an idiot if he can treat you like that. Then your better off. This is the love of my life and I don't think its him being he's fun loving self, I think that its his way to mayb just cut off completely cos he loved me so much that it hurt to let go. He is a great lad and at the back of everything I know he has had a lot to deal with. I just make things worse by gettn frustrated by the situation raisin my voice an crying cos I'm the idiot. I rang to say sorry about last nte he wudnt answer I txted a few times but no answer. :confused: Do all lads treat girls like crap to get over them ?

Is there any advice that anyone has to how to improve the situation.

[Romefalls19]

Give him what he wants, space. He isn't the love of your life, you are the love of your life. Don't let someone else become your whole life, it's not healthy. You are young and available, make the most of your time. Allow yourself time to heal, delete any contact information you have to get ahold of him. It's for the better.

To answer your question, there is a great movie quote about it "When people are sad, they just sit and cry about the situation but when people get angry, they bring about change"

[Morning Blaze]

I guess that is part of the problem he became my whole world. I without meaning to I did drive us further apart by nothing initially giving him the space he needed. The stupid thing is I deletd his number as soon as I initially decided I had to stop contact to get my own perspective on things. However his number is embedded in my brain.

[talaniman]

Is there any advice that anyone has to how to improve the situation.

You can start by balancing your life with new people, and things you enjoy. Its not about him not being in your life, but you live your life. Its time to love yourself, more than you love him.

[Chery]

What I read from this is that you are jealous of his family ties. You will not win if you force him to choose between you or his family. You need to accept that his loyalty for his family and love for you are separate issues and that sometimes they come first. This does not mean that if you get back together, that he will neglect you, just that he cares enough for both. But when one 'side' is in need of his time and the other side insists on being the center of attention it will naturally stress him out. You did not give him the space he needed or support him - the result is what you have to live with now.

So, from now on, if you want to always be the center of a man's attention, pick one who is not close to his family members and can concentrate on you only.

You cannot control how he is going to feel or live his life, only how you deal with yourself and the goals you set.

Good luck.

[Morning Blaze]

Im sorry I know I may not have explained myself properly but I was not jealous about his family ties. I am very close with my family and I know he is with his. The problem was his sisters well one in particular did not like me. It had caused a lot of arguments at home and I suggested on a number of occasions to end things because I didn't want him to fall out with his family over me. It got to the point where I had to be a secret girlfriend as he had to lie about where he was going all the time. I didn't know about this I nly knew we both didn't feel comfortable going to his hse.

He had even considered buying a house and moving out of home, he disgust this with his father and brother ( who I get on extremely well wit) and they agreed that to give us a proper chance he should do that. He asked me to move in with him. But I told him we shouldn't rush in living together because he needed to stay close to his family and I did not want to be the cause of a bigger divide and he agreed that we'd give it more time.

He had to go away for apart of his course so I only got to see him the weekends. Which was great for are relationship which made us appreciate each other so much more However he didn't really spend time at home but if he wasn't with me he would hve been working so either way he would nly hve been home to sleep anyway If we were together or not. ( I don't want you to think I was the cause of him not being home the weekends I got him in a routine to make sure he went home for Sunday dinner to make sure he made time for his family) No one realised we were still together. And when his sister found out it blue up into a major row and his mother told him to end it wit me. Our relationship was extremely supportive of each other. I think that we both fell so fast and deeply in love with each other his family couldn't understand it.

[Chery]

Glad that you shared a litte more with us this time. It helps tremendously to know as much as possible to be able to help.

Sorry that his sister and mother have a problem with you. There is nothing you can do about that, but you can let him know that you'll be there for him - if he is that important to you. Maybe some day, with his father's help, he will grow and learn how to stand up to his sis and mom and tell them that he has his own life and that they should respect this. There is no fun in living a conspiracy and he just might get tired of it, especially if he has found the right girl in you.

So, keep your chin up and time will tell if his feelings for you are strong enough to base a future on. He has to be sure that it is his choice and not something he was being pushed into, so it might take a bit of time and patience on your part if you think he is worth it. Weekends and holidays can get lonely if that certain someone is not around.

No matter the outcome, I wish you lots of luck, dear.