[NeedKarma]

Yes it is unusual. I would ask him calmly about it. Of course he will likely ask you how you got a hold of his text messages.

[tickle]

If you are monitoring his phone and text messages, then you obviously have reason to doubt him. I guess its time to confront him and get it over and done with. I am curious, what was the rest of the message ?

Tick

[sadface]

I asked to look at the photos on his phone of our son.. and I pressed something which took me to his inbox... and I saw that message as it was just there..

Its not right is it??
A customer should not call him Darling!!

Morning Darling, are we still on for tomorrow? If so what time?

I looked at the sent messages and he said :-

Morning, yes we are at 8.30.

I trust my husband.. even though this looks rather dodgy!

[Jake2008]

No, it isn't, in my opinion, anything to worry about.

IF however, there are other things going on, such as he's spending more time with her than he should, or he's suddenly taking an interest in new clothes, or regular haircuts, and taking money out of the bank, and staying out way past quittin' time, then of course you'd have reason to be suspicious.

Something about his behaviour is nagging at you. Set aside some time for just the two of you, to connect. Communicate your concerns, regardless of how 'silly' they might seem, and put the cards on the table. Just tell him that you find her comments to him, less than at a respectable, professional level. Nobody can tell you you are wrong to feel the way you feel.

If you have, however, found yourself feeling resentful, or doubtful or suspicious, then you really should not only talk to him, but take a good inventory of th marriage vows, and make sure you are both still 100% committed to each other.

[donf]

Sometimes calling someone darling is just a form of speech.

I would suggest you look at the rest of the conversations, if they are available.

When I was a field technician it was not uncommon for secretaries to leave oddball messages for me.

One of the funniest ones I got told me that if I got there before 9:00 AM she'd serve coffee and breakfast for me.

Translation - "My typewriter is toes up, get here early!

[sadface]

there has not been any form of strange bahaviour from his end..

I guess I just don't like a random woman call my husband darling!

[donf]

It's not what other women call him, its how he then responds to them. You just know when a situation is bad or at the very least "iffy". Conversation is the least of the problems.

I do understand your concerns though. It really worried my Lady that I was around women all day long. I was a repair tech on office equipment for IBM for 17 years.

I've had a woman answer the door wearing her see-through PJ's and tell me its okay to come inside because "Hubby" had already left for work. Another stuck her head out of the bathroom window and told me to wait for her. She showed up at the door wet and soapy and told me she was alone in the house so make myself comfortable while she dried off. I told her I'd come back in a half hour and went and got coffee.

I also had a woman walk down the hall to the master bedroom, open the door and tell me she was going to take a shower, then proceed to take her clothes off in front of the mirror, which was directly in my line of sight with the door open.

That one seriously scared me and I beat feet as quickly as possible.

[NeedKarma]

there has not been any form of strange bahaviour from his end..

Well maybe a bit?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...&starteronly=1

[sadface]

But that was years ago!

[NeedKarma]

So things had gotten better since then?

[sadface]

Yes much! We had spoken about our issues and sorted things through... we renewed our vows went on a second honeymoon and had a baby since.. so all is good

[NeedKarma]

Have you had a chance to discuss the text message?

[sadface]

No as I'm kind of unsure how to bring it up :(
Any tips?

Should I perhaps ask him if he thinks its fine for a customer to say that??

[Jake2008]

This isn't so much about the text message, as it is you being uncomfortable with the context of it. It was said by another woman, to your husband, and if you are bothered by it, nobody can tell you that you are wrong to feel the way you do.

It doesn't matter that some (like me) may think it is a meaningless greeting meant as an endearment, rather than flirting, or indicative of inappropriateness. I get called many things by complete strangers such as honey, sweetie, dear, etc. and even more variations on that when they learn my name. Nothing is meant by it except a simple endearment. Either because I've helped them in some way, or work with them, or have them as neighbours.

But to you, this is a bone of contention, and the focus upon it, has to be resolved.

Just tell him you are uncomfortable with the words she chose to use. Tell him you hope that he does not address customers (women) in this regard, and talk about the person behind the words. Maybe she is happily married, raising kids, working, paying bills, and wondering where she's going to get the time for a haircut in the next month. Like most of us. He may not even know that much about her, or care to know that much about her, which is more likely.

Or you can choose plan 'B', which is to realize that there is nothing out of the ordinary for anybody to address anybody with, "Good morning Darling", which is far better a reflection on your husband, rather than her addressing him with, say, "I am totally unhappy with the work you did here and I want a refund immediately." Or worse.

Up to you how much importance to put to this. You aren't finding lipstick on his collar, he has no missing hours, he's not suddenly sucking in his belly and eating salads and drinking diet coke, acting suspiciously with whispered phone conversations, or otherwise behaving in any way that would suggest 'Good morning Darling', means a full blown affair is taking place.

You can't be suspicious of her words, without also being suspicious of how your husband responds to them. Somehow you are seemingly a bit insecure about him. Maybe plan A, just tell him how you feel, will result in him giving you an answer that will set your mind at ease.

[talaniman]

As your post were being merged, and I read all of them that do go back a few years, a pattern started to emerge of you making small things a bit bigger than they need to be. But you both seem to get through it, so I see this as another little thing to talk about, and get through.

I really don't think you hold on to bad feelings long though, but they do ruffle your feathers a bit, but I don't see concern, or insecurity, so much as curiosity, and needing to understand better. Actually you, and your husband may be very normal, and typical, things pop up, you deal with it, and move to the next thing like we all do.

There is always a next thing. I think you do what you always have done, keep talking. I think the latest episode is like the others you posted, it has you piquéd, and curious, but hubby will explain she meant nothing by it, that's the way she addresses people, not just him, and you will go oh, okay, and that will be that.

Talk to him like you usually do, and let us know what happened.

[sadface]

he is not showing any of the signs you indicated which leads to an affair.. far from it...
His reply was very normal no honeys or darling etc...
She owns a restaurant and has done a few works for her and once even took me there to eat while I was pregnant.

As you said I just simply don't like a random woman (customer) call my husband darling

[sadface]

Comment on talaniman's post

You are dead on... thank you

Is not holding on to bad feeling long enough a bad thing?

[talaniman]

Not at all, it shows a certain amount of flexibility I think, though to be honest your attitudes are rigid sometimes when it comes to yourself. You don't always want to co operate, and I think that does cause glitches, and a bit of conflict sometimes but on balance, who's perfect. :D

[sadface]

Well I have asked him :)
His answer was - its just a figure of speech hon.

What do u guys think?

[talaniman]

Works for me!