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    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #1

    Apr 27, 2008, 09:58 AM
    In lieu of gifts
    My son is turning 1 in a few weeks and I'm planning on having a small gathering here at my house. Of course at this age, he's not aware of it being his birthday so I'm keeping the celebration small (only 10-15 family/close friends). I'm not planning a huge party or anything; just a cake and grilling some burgers & hot dogs.

    I want to know if there is a tactful way to request that guests not buy him a bunch of toys and clothes. He has plenty of both and being honest, I have a small house, so I really don't want a bunch of toys that he's not even interested in cluttering our tiny space. And at his age, he's more interested in playing with a hairbrush than some fancy-schmancy electronic gizmo. Is there a kind way to ask guests to make a contribution to his college fund or purchase a gift card (that can be used at a later date for things he'll NEED) rather than splurging unnecessarily on toys and such?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,300, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:03 AM
    I am sorry, it sounds like you are having a picnic with friends and trying to call it a birthday party.. 1, this should be the one where he has his own little cake and makes a total mess with photos, one where the party is about him, and where he gets all types of toys even if some are not played with.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #3

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:07 AM
    Yeah, it pretty much is a cook-out, because he doesn't know it's his birthday! He IS going to have cake and photos. I still would like to know if there is a way to handle the situation. I would prefer that guests didn't give him the toys not because I just don't want him to have them, because I don't have room to store this stuff.
    ISneezeFunny's Avatar
    ISneezeFunny Posts: 4,175, Reputation: 821
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    #4

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:07 AM
    To be honest, I kind of agree with Fr in that since he's turning 1... it should be "all about him"... don't you want to look back at the picture 5 years from now and laugh about it?

    As far as gifts, perhaps you can make a gift registry... and get things that he needs or will need later on.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:12 AM
    If I was invited to a first birthday and told to bring gift card in lieu of a gift I'd be pretty shocked. A child's first birthday is special, it's a milestone and should be celebrated as such. Toys are fun, and people love to buy toys for a 1 year old, a gift card or donating toward his college fund just seems so impersonal.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #6

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:13 AM
    There are going to be plenty of pictures. That doesn't make my house grow to accommodate junk. The question remains: is there a tactful way to handle the quandry? Let me give you guys some background: I got a lot of toys and clothes at my baby shower and for [him] Christmas. So much, that he STILL has things that he's too little to play with and clothes that he still hasn't worn. So maybe that clears things up, I just don't have the room to store things that he doesn't need right now.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #7

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:18 AM
    Thanks Alten, I see your point. You at least addressed my question. That's why I'm here, because I DON't want to offend the guests... but my house doesn't have much storage and I've got so many clothes and toys stuffed into closets now!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #8

    Apr 27, 2008, 10:23 AM
    Here's a possible answer.

    Let the guests come, let them bring whatever they want, let your 1 year old rip open presents and have a blast, take lots of pictures and video.

    Once all the guests have left, pick one or two items that your child seems to adore and that are age appropriate, things he can use right away. Give the rest to charity, there are so many kids out there with nothing. No one needs to know but you, and that way no one will feel hurt, you won't be stuck with tons of toys and clothes and some needy kids will get a wonderful gift as well.

    Just a thought.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #9

    Apr 27, 2008, 01:32 PM
    I was going to suggest the same thing that Alten said basically.
    Let them bring what they want and then go through his old stuff and give what he is starting to outgrow to the Salvation Army or a family with a newborn.
    If you have a decent size yard and no outdoor toys maybe you could tell the guests it is a summer theme and outdoor toys would be preferred.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #10

    Apr 27, 2008, 03:40 PM
    That's a great idea Nohelp! I have a nice-sized backyard so that'd help more than having to stuff more stuff into closets etc. Alten, I was starting to think along the same line, that maybe once all is said and done I could give some to charity. So now my question is this: is there a tactful way to request that they bring outside toys or the like? This brings me back to my original position of not wanting to offend anyone. Is there a way to politely "suggest" certain types of gifts?
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,781, Reputation: 2603
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    #11

    Apr 27, 2008, 03:48 PM
    Send out invitations. Say "please, no gifts, just come and have a good time." If they do bring them, donate them to a hospital or shelter.
    nikosmom's Avatar
    nikosmom Posts: 1,611, Reputation: 488
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    #12

    Apr 27, 2008, 03:50 PM
    I was thinking about that too, Homegirl!
    Homegirl 50's Avatar
    Homegirl 50 Posts: 10,781, Reputation: 2603
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    #13

    Apr 27, 2008, 03:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by nikosmom
    That's a great idea Nohelp! I have a nice-sized backyard so that'd help more than having to stuff more stuff into closets etc. Alten, I was starting to think along the same line, that maybe once all is said and done I could give some to charity. So now my question is this: is there a tactful way to request that they bring outside toys or the like? This brings me back to my original position of not wanting to offend anyone. Is there a way to politely "suggest" certain types of gifts??
    I think it would be rather rude to ask for certain types of gift unless you are plannig the party way in advance and having a gift registry. But IMO, that too would be rude, especially for a first birthday party.
    Picassa's Avatar
    Picassa Posts: 42, Reputation: 6
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    #14

    Apr 28, 2008, 07:19 AM
    You really can't make suggestions about gifts to bring unless you are asked about it by someone coming to the party. This is a difficult issue that people are faced with all the time, particularly with weddings and such. Nonetheless, the gifts topic shouldn't be raised by you, only the person coming to the party. The type of gift is still the choice of the attendee.

    Even if you were to set up a gift registry for your child at, say, Target, you should only give that information to the people who ask for it. Target (like a lot of other businesses) gives out those little registry cards to include in invitations, but many agree that it is in poor taste to include any references to gifts in any type of invitation.

    The suggestions to donate what your son wouldn't use are excellent. Church nurseries can always use new toys, as can the shelters for victims of domestic violence. Have a wonderful celebration with your one year-old!
    Username2013's Avatar
    Username2013 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Jan 3, 2013, 12:29 PM
    I see your point. I am in the same dilemma. If these people truly love your child and your family, I'm sure they understand where you come from.. unlike some others who posted here!
    I can't believe that so many people like in the 15th century with such old fashioned ideas. 1st birthday is definitely a milestone, but at this age the kid could have a blast playing with an empty box or wrapping paper and could care less about the 15 toys he got that he really doesn't need! Isn't a contribution towards his/her college fund an automatic winner?
    I have a 900 sq ft house and limited room for toys. However, that doesn't mean my 11 month old is not having a blast playing with the few chosen toys he has..
    I would word the invite as...
    No gifts please! But if you must, "baby" can use a donation to his/her College Fund or a copy of your favorite Book for his Library.
    Good luck!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #16

    Jan 3, 2013, 01:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Username2013 View Post
    I see your point. I am in the same dilemma. If these people truly love your child and your family, I'm sure they understand where you come from..unlike some others who posted here!
    I can't believe that so many people like in the 15th century with such old fashioned ideas. 1st birthday is definitely a milestone, but at this age the kid could have a blast playing with an empty box or wrapping paper and could care less about the 15 toys he got that he really doesnt need! Isn't a contribution towards his/her college fund an automatic winner?
    I have a 900 sq ft house and limited room for toys. However, that doesn't mean my 11 month old is not having a blast playing with the few chosen toys he has..
    I would word the invite as...
    No gifts please! But if you must, "baby" can use a donation to his/her College Fund or a copy of your favorite Book for his Library.
    Good luck!
    This thread is almost 5 years old. The baby is now almost 6.
    Username2013's Avatar
    Username2013 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Jan 3, 2013, 03:26 PM
    I realized that... I was browsing for wording and stumbled upon this forum. I saw a lot of opinions but none that answered the original question that was posted. I posted an answer hoping it would help others who visit this page looking for appropriate wording. Congrats to the almost 6 yr old. Hope the savings fund is growing healthy!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #18

    Jan 3, 2013, 04:38 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Username2013 View Post
    I realized that...I was browsing for wording and stumbled upon this forum. I saw a lot of opinions but none that answered the original question that was posted. I posted an answer hoping it would help others who visit this page looking for appropriate wording. Congrats to the almost 6 yr old. Hope the savings fund is growing healthy!
    Actually, all the posts answered the question. Maybe not what the OP (original poster) wanted to hear, or what you wanted to hear, but everyone that posted, answered the question based on their opinion, and knowledge. This thread isn't a factually based thread, it's opinion based.

    In other words, your post was also opinion, so stating "I saw a lot of opinions but none that answered the original question" isn't at all accurate. All the posts answered the original question.
    Username2013's Avatar
    Username2013 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Jan 3, 2013, 09:14 PM
    Aha... perhaps you should call yourself an opinion expert instead of a "pet" expert! Needless to say you seem to have a lot of free time on your hands as you seem to have assigned yourself the commissioner of this forum :)
    Good luck & get a life! I'm out!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #20

    Jan 4, 2013, 12:53 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Username2013 View Post
    Aha...perhaps you should call yourself an opinion expert instead of a "pet" expert!? Needless to say you seem to have a lot of free time on your hands as you seem to have assigned yourself the commissioner of this forum :)
    Good luck & get a life!! I'm out!!
    This is exactly the response I expected. In the pet forum I go by facts, it's a factually based forum. In the etiquette forum it's all opinion, and everyone's opinion is valid. You seem to hold your opinion in high esteem, disregarding the opinions of others.

    You came here and dismissed everyone's opinion, and when someone points out that other opinions are just as valid as yours, you post the above quote. Maybe you shouldn't post in the etiquette forum, since you obviously don't know the meaning of the word.

    No, I'm not the commissioner of this forum, I am just one of many that posted on it 5 years ago, and frankly, I don't take kindly to someone coming here 5 years later, posting on an old thread, and putting down all the other posters that posted before him.

    Good luck.

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