[bek2134944]

I am a 20 year old female who would like to know if it would be considered inappropriate for a couple to watch porn together. Would that be a bad thing or a good thing as far as a relationship goes?

[dontknownuthin]

If you both want to watch it I think it's fine but you should be aware that it gives a really, really unrealistic picture of sexuality and is a common addictive behavior, so can be really detrimental to the relationship in the long-term. The breasts and genitals are really unrealistic - often enhanced surgically for one thing. The men are like, middle aged and the girls are barely adults - in real life they would not even date. They are filmed from the male perspective, and the way the women are treated is pretty much not how women want to be treated.

But if you recognize that this is just a cheap form of adult entertainment, I think it's OK on occasion. If either party is not comfortable wth it, I'd say it would be wrong.

[kp2171]

There's going to be lots of different opinions here about this, so check in to see what is said. And please read my post all the way through and don't take parts out of context... in the end, my short answer is to have balance. Period.

Also, since this might have some very different extremes, in terms of opinions... lets not make this a rating war... if you disagree with a statement, that's fine. State your opinion and move on. Don't slam someone with "disagrees" because their opinion is different than yours... each person is entitled to their opinion. Save disagrees here for factually incorrect posts.

Personally, I think the fewer "crutches" used concerning sexual excitement, the better... but those things that the couple can share and enjoy together, or be in support of, can be a healthy part of an intimate relationship. Basically, I want to use as few needed "external stimulations" as possible... I want to think about my lover and have that be enough, as much as I can. But I would be lying if said I didn't use all kinds of things to set a mood or increase sensual tension. Again, its about balance.

So before the board goes ballistic, I didn't say porn was bad or good for a couple outright. The "crutch" I referred to is anything that is needed to produce a heightened, intimate desire. So... does that mean lingerie is bad? No! I don't need it to become stimulated, but it sure can help in the process, right?

Much like the right perfume on you, or cologne on your man. Like a clean, kept bedroom that is warm, comfortable, and inviting. Like a warm shower or the right music or that perfect scented candle. All of these things are external, physical stimuli that help get our minds get in the right place.

Now, my partner doesn't care for anything most would call pornographic. She liked the movie 9 1/2 weeks, or the occasional red shoe diary, not nothing particularly too extreme most of the time. That said, she's fine reading on occasion an erotic story, and has a few books in a bedroom drawer that are every bit as explicit as any pay per view at the hotel. Again... its about building up the mental side though external sources... and finding ways to balance it all out.

Most of the time these are harmless "crutches" that we use to speed up the process of arousal. I don't need to peel a silk slip of my lover slowly, but it sure doesn't hurt a thing. I don't need her naked by the fireplace on that soft blanket with a glass of wine, but I'm surely not going to turn that down.

So can a couple watch explicit movies without it becoming a "crutch" needed then, and potentially in other relationships after? I think so. We have members here who have stated sharing an errotic movie with their partner is a normal part of their balanced sex life.

And then we also get the person, usually a woman, who's partner has experienced this in other relationships and then its causing pressure in her life. She might not want to watch it, he's feeling a void or that he's being denied of something that brings him sexual pleasure. Then, I think it's a problem. This is when I worry about porn setting a person up for frustration in a relationship... when it is needed as a surrogate or substitute for the ability to build sensual tension without graphic stimulation.

So... I can't tell you what's right or wrong for your bedroom. I can tell you that anything you do for increased arousal, I would hope is done as simply another stimulus that you can share together, and that you still are finding other ways to build sensual tension.

The best sex starts in the mind, and the more ways you can stim your mind in a healthy, open manner with your mate, the better your intimate life can be.

[bek2134944]

I agree. I think KP put it nicely. Could have been stated more briefly but a very good answer.

[kp2171]

I agree. I think KP put it nicely. Could have been stated more breifly but a very good answer.

I never give the short answer. =)

this issue is complex, so I feel more justified babbling... but even when I could answer with a yes or no, I tend to talk.

talking about sex is half the fun. OK, not half. Some.

[Homegirl 50]

Both of these replies where good ones. I have nothing to add other than, if your using porn as a crutch, don't do it. At that age, if you're not turned on by each other to do what comes natural, maybe you should not be together If you're using it as a learning tool, I would think there are better tools than porn. You're getting a pretty raunchy (IMO) and very unrealistic view of what sex is.

[smoothy]

It's a good thing... watch different ones, find what she likes, find what you like, and find out what you both can like together. It might take a bit of trial and error but there is stuff my wife who is not normally very visually stimulated goes crazy over. And its not what either of us previously expected as far as the topic. There is a LOT of different stuff out there and much of it isn't going to appeal to just everyone.

I will comment that we've been married 17 years and we do have a pretty strong sex drive.

[posey_84]

I think its up to yourselves. My partner and I tried it and it was just to unrealistic and to be honest we found it a bit of a turn off with all the over the top porn screams and so on, however last week we went to a bar to watch the football and afterwards there was some female pole dancers on and I loved it and I know my partner definitely agreed. I guess what I'm saying is anythings good if it works for you BOTH and your BOTH 100% comfortable x have fun x

[Mariesa]

Me and my x watched it all the time together. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with it. If both people are OK with it what's the harm in it? Besides it can make you sex life very exciting...

[smoothy]

i think its up to yourselves. my partner and i tried it and it was just to unrealistic and to be honest we found it a bit of a turn off with all the over the top porn screams and so on, however last week we went to a bar to watch the football and afterwards there was some female pole dancers on and i loved it and i know my partner definitly agreed. i guess what im saying is anythings good if it works for you BOTH and your BOTH 100% comfortable x have fun x

I agree the audio tracks can be over the top... and I beleve they have about 5 different tracks they just stick with a movie. We just turn the volume way down...

[Choux]

Watching pornography is playing with fire. Addiction can easily follow.

The "Porn Industry" is a multi-Billion dollar business... the business is selling quick orgasms to masturbating men. Business is excellent and with the dawn of computer porn, pornography is in many households where it never was before. It is very easy for men to become addicted to porn.

For information on the terrible price some people pay for their hobby of viewing porn, see the following books:

1. "The Porn Trap" by Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz LCSW
Published 4-22-08

Blurb"....An excellent, thoughtful, and hopeful guide providing effective help for those who struggle with our newest and most challenging mental health problem--pornography addiction." Patrick Carnes, PHD

2. "Porn Nation-Conquering Americas #1 Addiction" by Michael Leahy
Publishing 5-1-08

3. Untangling the Web, Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age"
by Robert Weiss, LCSW,CAS

blurb"... offers realistic healing strategies for anyone experiencing the impact of Internet pornography and sex addiction on intimacy, relationships, career, health and self-respect."

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My opinion, find a man who wants to make love to you, not a sex addict as he appears to be.


Good Luck!

[Synnen]

The bottom line with porn is that a couple is on the same page about it, open and honest in their communications about sex, and have a healthy relationship both in and out of the bedroom.

If you're BOTH okay with it, then it's not a problem.

If you're BOTH not okay with it, then it's not a problem.

If just ONE of you is okay with it--it's a problem, and I personally believe every couple needs to work that problem out themselves.

If you can't work it out between yourselves, then perhaps a counselor could help.

If that doesn't work, well... you probably just have some compatibility issues in general then.

To me, it's another issue in a relationship like money--you have to AGREE on how it gets used in order for the relationship to work.

[Cool_Fusion_Hac]

I am a 20 year old female who would like to know if it would be considered inappropriate for a couple to watch porn together. Would that be a bad thing or a good thing as far as a relationship goes?

I beleve they have about 5 different tracks they just stick with a movie. We just turn the volume way down...
But watching porn together is not an bad idea. u must watch 2ogther and enjoy...

[smoothy]

I beleve they have about 5 different tracks they just stick with a movie. We just turn the volume way down....
but watching porn together is not an bad idea .? u must watch 2ogther and enjoy...

THey must think people like to hear the fake grunts and moans... and there must be some people that do... We just find it fake and more than a little annoying. Some adult movies don't use that approach, but they seem to be pretty rare.

[Alty]

Personally not a fan of porn, but the Kama Sutra tape I got for Christmas, wow, that was a turn on. Hubby and I watched that together in the bedroom and only got 1/3 of the way in to the tape, never have seen the entire film, sad. ;)

Like anything else porn has it's place, if it's something that is kept under control and both of you enjoy it together than I don't see a problem. If one of you is sneaking into the basement at night to watch it then you have a problem, like anything else in life it can become and addiction and a "crutch".

Good Luck.

[chrissymarie]

I am a 20 year old female who would like to know if it would be considered inappropriate for a couple to watch porn together. Would that be a bad thing or a good thing as far as a relationship goes?

It's a terrible thing. If you watch porn with him he's going to fantasize about having sex with another women (the porn star). You really don't want that.

[amIwrong]

If, and ONLY IF you are both comfortable with it and want to. But, going by these other posts, is that he needs it? If so there is a problem.

I am a 20 year old female who would like to know if it would be considered inappropriate for a couple to watch porn together. Would that be a bad thing or a good thing as far as a relationship goes?

[Handyman2007]

In my opinion, I think that it may be normal to watch together once in a while but if it becomes a regualr thing before or during sex, it may be a problem. Some couples like to share in the fantasy. Others do not find it necessary. This could become a real problem in performance as time goes on. I don't know all of the details but look at it yourself and see if you two are dependent on it for sexual activity.

[smoothy]

It's a terrible thing. If you watch porn with him he's goign to fantasize about having sex with another women (the porn star). You really don't want that.

Too late... men have been fantasizing about having sex with other women since before handwriting, much less porn was invented. Hell its been since before Fire was tamed.

[bek2134944]

Thanks for everyone's post! I appreciate it greatly!