[aboemker]

In February, I met a man, who was in two of my classes. We started just studying together at the library and progressively we became close friends. He is married too and we would often talk about our interest, our marriage, and offer advice to each other. He even revealed things to me that he normally wouldn't to anyone else. He felt comfortable with me and treated me very respectfully. No big deal right? Then, we started becoming attracted to each other. It was obvious to those around us and to each other. Considering we had the same religious views about sexual immortality, we established rules that would prevent us from messing around, which we stuck to. We definitely had the opportunities available, but we didn't so much as even kiss.

Besides flirting, we continued to become closer friends. Everything was wonderful, except I began to notice how unhappy he seemed with his needy wife, who is very insecure and jealous. I was in the predicament of either studying with him to help him with class and have his wife upset, or not studying with him at all or as often and have his grades suffer. We were definitely liking each other more and more each day. He even did sweet things for me once in awhile. I felt like I had found a really good friend.

Then, all of a sudden, I called him before class to see if he wanted to study and he said that he was talking to his wife and that our flirting was wrong and that he was sorry for doing that to me. He said that we couldn't study anymore together and that it would be best not to speak to each other anymore. I respect him and understand why he did this, but I was hurt that he didn't at least explain what had happened to invoke this sudden change.

The last two weeks I have not talked with him or even looked at him, because of his request. However, it is noticeable to me and anyone who knew us that something had happened. Lately, he has started to at least look at me and laugh at my jokes and periodically he will mention me to other people, but never directly at me. I don't want to ignore him, but I don't know what to do, except to honor his request not to contact him anymore. I have lost a dear friend and all I can think about is how great our relationship was and the things that we did for each other. It saddens me to know that all that is gone and I can no longer be a part of his life.

I've had friends advise me to continue what I'm doing and some have advised me to approach him about the issue. Whatever I do, I know that his family comes first and should come first and that we cannot be friends. So I guess it is more for closure than anything else. I am just wondering if he still thinks about me and why he handled it in the way he did. Maybe it was easier for him to deal with it this way, but it has been extremely difficult for me. What should I do? How should I act around him in class? I've been acting like myself, but I pretend he's not there and this is difficult for me to do. Was he falling for me? Any other situation or friend of mine in the past would not have mattered as much to me as this particular case does.

[MasuBhat]

He was falling for you yes.
And I think it's better to leav this matter alone.

When you said :I began to notice how unhappy he seemed with his needy wife..
You should have talked with him about this mattter.but you intend to ignor it?

I think what he did what good. But in somehow wrong way.. he should have told you polietly.. with some emotions! at least! They way you wrote it it had no emotions!

Don't pretend he's invisiable in the class.. it won't do much good..
He's in the class all right... don't ignore this fact!. talk to him little every two day or a week..

You guys can be friends still... but don't be so close like before.


Act usual yourself in the class..

YOU:Maybe it was easier for him to deal with it this way, but it has been extremely difficult for me.
..
Since you guys were that close.. than no it wasn't easy for him also! >

... he realiez what he was doing was wrong and needed it to be stopped. He did the right thing.


Hope it helped.. if not than sorry for being usless..

Frm he little adviser~*