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bullwinkle_1 · Apr 25, 2008, 04:14 PM

3 months ago I reconnected with my first love, through the internet. We dated back in high school and we were each others firsts sexual partners. We are both currently married to other people but find an intense attraction that neither one of us is able to ignore. We have not physically seen each other in almost 30 years, but have exchanged photos that leave nothing to the imagination. We live about 800 miles apart.

I am in a 25 year marriage and he is on his third marriage. My husband and I live on separate sides of the US due to his job and have grown apart in the last 5 years. My husband and I have two grown children, while he has no biological children of his own but helped to raise his current wife's two daughters. He is a grandfather to 3 young children from his step-daughter. He says he is unwilling to leave his family. The children no longer live at home, they are grown and gone from the home. He claims he is in a good marriage, but if his marriage were good would he be in constant contact and calling me for phone sex.

We both know this is not right but neither one of us can find the strength to end it. We love each other and the intensity is incredible and when we talk about ending it the pain is more than we ever thought we would encounter. We are in daily contact either through e-mail or phone contact which includes having phone sex. I am willing to leave my husband for a second chance with him, but he is not willing to leave his family. He is the only father/grandfather figure in the family and is not willing to give that up. He has stated that my husband would always be Dad/Grandpa and he would miss that in his life with me.

How do I either get him to give us a try or how do I walk away from the man I've always wanted and couldn't have?

N0help4u · Apr 25, 2008, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by bullwinkle_1

or how do I walk away from the man I've always wanted and couldn't have?

Face the fact that he wants to stay in his family situation and accept it. That he belongs to them and there is nothing you can or should say or do to tear him away. As long as you keep contact up you are only giving yourself false hope. Tell him if the day ever comes that his situation changes he knows your email, etc...

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2008, 04:37 PM

Walk out of your house, and divorce your husband if you want to ruin your life on a memory, What you need to do is delte every file on him, block his email address and have no contact what so ever.

chuff · Apr 25, 2008, 05:37 PM

I can't believe that your husband who has devoted 25 loyal years has a... for a wife that is willing to throw that away for a high school fling that admits he'll use you sexually but do nothing more and you are A-OK with it. How many women would appreciate and be grateful for a loyal husband and you have one and could care less. Your husband deserves better, why don't you start by telling him how you've already emotionally cheated on him and see what happens. I guess your too much of a coward to do that since your cheating ex boyfriend won't give up his family for a fling with you. At least he has his priorities straight.

dragnlady5 · Apr 25, 2008, 08:02 PM

WOW CHUFF taking this a bit personally aren't we? I didn't think we were supposed to talk to each other that way.

Bullwinkle... Walk away do like chuck said and end it completely. I am sorry after 25 yrs of marriage you still can't talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel. I think your wanting this other man is just a way of acting out what is missing in your marriage. Drop the married man erase him from your like and get your fanny over to the other side of the US and make up for lost time with the man that devoted his life to you

talaniman · Apr 26, 2008, 09:13 AM

We both know this is not right

It sure isn't and not very fair either, but obviously you don't care.

but neither one of us can find the strength to end it. We love each other and the intensity is incredible and when we talk about ending it the pain is more than we ever thought we would encounter.

Sounds like the soaps have influenced your life, and he has feed you a bunch of ca-ca. This intense feelings you have is normal between healthy humans. Its lust, but maybe you have nothing to compare it to, so mistake on your part?

We are in daily contact either through e-mail or phone contact which includes having phone sex.

Yep, soap opera all right, and in case you haven't figured it out the intrigue and drama and just the salaciousness of if has you thinking love instead of lust.

I am willing to leave my husband for a second chance with him, but he is not willing to leave his family.

Why should he give up his normal healthy life, when he has a chick on the side that is more than willing to meet his needs, DUHHH!

He is the only father/grandfather figure in the family and is not willing to give that up. He has stated that my husband would always be Dad/Grandpa and he would miss that in his life with me.

Translation: You ain't worth leaving his family for. (You still haven't caught on so you'll probably get told that until it sinks in)

How do I either get him to give us a try

Phone sex ain't enough??

Or how do I walk away from the man I've always wanted and couldn't have?

You may as well walk away, cause he ain't coming to get you, and ride off in the sunset.

This is lose /lose. The real problem is you and hubby ain't clicking together, nor talking together, and your miserable, and need someone else to make up for your unhappiness. Either that or your one disloyal, lying cheater. Both are unhealthy and that's where your focus should be on you and why you can cross those boundaries with a long lost fantasy and think your happy. Love yourself enough to be happy. Counseling, or honesty, try them both.

ATM2008 · Apr 26, 2008, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by bullwinkle_1

3 months ago I reconnected with my first love, through the internet. We dated back in high school and we were each others firsts sexual partners. We are both currently married to other people but find an intense attraction that neither one of us is able to ignore. We have not physically seen each other in almost 30 years, but have exchanged photos that leave nothing to the imagination. We live about 800 miles apart.

I am in a 25 year marriage and he is on his third marriage. My husband and I live on separate sides of the US due to his job and have grown apart in the last 5 years. My husband and I have two grown children, while he has no biological children of his own but helped to raise his current wife's two daughters. He is a grandfather to 3 young children from his step-daughter. He says he is unwilling to leave his family. The children no longer live at home, they are grown and gone from the home. He claims he is in a good marriage, but if his marriage were good would he be in constant contact and calling me for phone sex.

We both know this is not right but neither one of us can find the strength to end it. We love each other and the intensity is incredible and when we talk about ending it the pain is more than we ever thought we would encounter. We are in daily contact either through e-mail or phone contact which includes having phone sex. I am willing to leave my husband for a second chance with him, but he is not willing to leave his family. He is the only father/grandfather figure in the family and is not willing to give that up. He has stated that my husband would always be Dad/Grandpa and he would miss that in his life with me.

How do I either get him to give us a try or how do I walk away from the man I've always wanted and couldn't have?

I would say... speak to him and talk about the nice moments you spent together.. life is short and you should spend it with the one you really love.. therefore go for it... of-course people say you cannot force someone to get him to do what you want in life, however its all about belief, if you really trust that your love is pure and feelings are so strong, anything would be possible.. Therefore go ahead, spend as much time as possible via emails, phone whatever with him... give him the feeling of giving him something's extra in life that he doesn't have at the moment, maybe tat strength of love, that warmth, feelings, care and in the right way is maybe never left by him in his current life with his family the way you maybe willing to give him...
Life is no doubt a small little cup of icecream, enjoy every little pick of it.. if you don't like nuts in it, get rid of them and add some nice toppings of your choice.. at the end you have the right taste of it...

Alty · Apr 26, 2008, 09:41 AM

Originally Posted by ATM2008

I would say...speak to him and talk about the nice moments you spent together..life is short and you should spend it with the one you really love..therefore go for it.....of-course people say you cannot force someone to get him to do what you want in life, however its all abt belief, if you really trust that your love is pure and feelings are so strong, anything would be possible..Therefore go ahead, spend as much time as possible via emails, phone whatever with him...give him the feeling of giving him somethings extra in life that he doesnt have at the moment, maybe tat strength of love, that warmth, feelings, care and in the right way is maybe never left by him in his current life with his family the way you maybe willing to give him...
life is no doubt a small little cup of icecream, enjoy every little pick of it..if you dont like nuts in it, get rid of them and add some nice toppings of your choice..at the end you have the right taste of it...

Wow, that's all I can say. So basically you're saying, leave your marriage of 25 years, break up your "loved ones" marriage (even though he doesn't want to do that) and live a happy life. You deserve to have what you want regardless of the consequences, is that the jist of it? Wow.

OP, you are playing with fire and you will get burnt, if not on earth than elsewhere. You are emotionally cheating on a man that has given 25 years of his life to you. You think so little of your marriage that you would be willing to drop it just for the chance to be with your high school sweetheart, he must be a wonderful lover, or at least that's how you remember it.

You are mad because he's not willing to give up his life and marriage for you, can you not take a hint? He's in it for a little slap and tickle, not for life, he's got his life, you are just a distraction, not worth giving up his marriage for. I hope you're getting paid for the phone sex, because that's all you'll ever get out of him.

Love is a two way street, you're driving on a one way road with a dead end.

talaniman · Apr 26, 2008, 09:54 AM

ATM2008,

if you really trust that your love is pure and feelings are so strong, anything would be possible.. Therefore go ahead, spend as much time as possible via emails, phone whatever with him... give him the feeling of giving him something's extra in life that he doesn't have at the moment,

You sound like a mistress, are you?

l12 · Apr 26, 2008, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by bullwinkle_1

3 months ago I reconnected with my first love, through the internet. We dated back in high school and we were each others firsts sexual partners. We are both currently married to other people but find an intense attraction that neither one of us is able to ignore. We have not physically seen each other in almost 30 years, but have exchanged photos that leave nothing to the imagination. We live about 800 miles apart.

I am in a 25 year marriage and he is on his third marriage. My husband and I live on separate sides of the US due to his job and have grown apart in the last 5 years. My husband and I have two grown children, while he has no biological children of his own but helped to raise his current wife's two daughters. He is a grandfather to 3 young children from his step-daughter. He says he is unwilling to leave his family. The children no longer live at home, they are grown and gone from the home. He claims he is in a good marriage, but if his marriage were good would he be in constant contact and calling me for phone sex.

We both know this is not right but neither one of us can find the strength to end it. We love each other and the intensity is incredible and when we talk about ending it the pain is more than we ever thought we would encounter. We are in daily contact either through e-mail or phone contact which includes having phone sex. I am willing to leave my husband for a second chance with him, but he is not willing to leave his family. He is the only father/grandfather figure in the family and is not willing to give that up. He has stated that my husband would always be Dad/Grandpa and he would miss that in his life with me.

How do I either get him to give us a try or how do I walk away from the man I've always wanted and couldn't have?

Girl... it's not going to work. He is infatuated by the fact that you still carry a torch for him and him for you... That's normal when your life is moving on and you're trying to figure out if it's the right path... If your husband loves you and you love him, try to connect with him, introduce phone sex with him... If he's not responsive... then you need to search inside you to decide what will make you happy... But, this guy, he's not willing. Hold your head up. Look in the mirror and decide what YOU want... then GO for it.