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Benjamin2175 · Feb 16, 2006, 03:49 PM

I need this question answered. I have been divorced for about 4 years now. We haven't talked since we separated. Well I recently got married and my ex wife got married 7 months ago. Well I had to contact her cause of an issue about a car that we owned. Since we divorced I lived in Kansas and her in California, that is the reson of no conversation. Well Since I have contacted her we found out that we are both mature and older since we where married I am 30 now and she is 27, we both made a lot of stupid mistakes during that time. We both haven't had freedom from all that went on and the divorce. Since we have been talking on the phone about the issue we have truly enjoyed talking to each other and found out that each of us has been trying to contact each other to put the pieces back together. We both addmite that we still love each other still after all these years. Even through the divorce, we didn't have a good communication between us back then. We are both married now but still in love with each other. Don't get me wrong I Love my wife that I am married to now cause she is a Godly woman that I want to have in my life. She tells me that she is in love with her husband also, but still has stronger feelings for me. I am stuck in a hard spot, What should I do with this situation? I am still in Love with my ex wife. Troubled Guy in Oregon :confused:

CaptainForest · Feb 16, 2006, 03:59 PM

You didn't state how old you are but you said that in 4 years, you matured a lot.

No one can answer this but you, but if you choose your current wife, cut off all contact with the ex. Don't allow that temptation to exist in your life.

And you do need to choose. Your wife or your ex? She is your ex for a reason.

Stay with your wife, cut off communication with the ex.

nwsflash · Feb 16, 2006, 04:00 PM

You know its good to catch up after along time, but I think deep down inside you know that nothing could ever come of this regards a U and THEM!

Remember Ex's are there for a reason, Love and respect your wife your married to now or you may end up having to instruct lawers again?? STOP the calls and talking with her...

Fr_Chuck · Feb 16, 2006, 04:05 PM

No honestly you are in love with the memory of your exwife, almost all divorce people go through that. Many who end up sharing weekends over kids and the such live to regreat those ideas.

Easy move, stop calling her, period, if someone needs to talk to her about a car let your new wife call her about it. Or be on the phone or in the room while you do.

You have a new commitment and need to leave the past n the past.

Benjamin2175 · Feb 16, 2006, 04:11 PM

Thank you FR_CHUCK,

I needed that advice. I am a pastors kid and know that it is wrong to think lustfully and exspecialy cheat on my wife. I know I need to stop talking to my ex. Thanks again

Skinwhite · Feb 22, 2006, 06:19 PM

Also just remember in the 4 yrs u were separated, neither of you contacted each other. Another state means nothing with the invention of a phone. The love was gone or there were not enough feelings for both of you to communicate during this separation - so I would not think it is worth both of you ending new relationships. Like FR Chuck said, you are just having remorse from the past.

s_cianci · Mar 19, 2006, 08:04 PM

Regardless of how you and your ex may now feel about each other, you are both remarried and each owe your spouses to stand by the commitments you made to them when you married them. You have to come to terms with that and that your ex is just that ; an ex. You made a promise to your present wife to love and honor her and you have to stand by that. Your ex likewise made the same promise to her husband and she has to stand by it. Keep in mind also that if you and your ex were to get back together that things may turn out very differently than what you may be feeling right now. Make the best of your life with what is, not pining for what was or what might have been. There's a reason why you and your ex split up and each married other people so keep your perspective grounded in reality ; don't look at things through rose-colored glasses.

sfl1602 · Jun 30, 2006, 09:28 PM

I think that captain forest is right ex's are there for a reason,forget it and go ahead with the life you have and make the best of what you got.always remember this,when you start thinking of your ex just remember the reason why you got with your present wife and the things she does to make you happy.

TxGreaseMonkey · Jul 1, 2006, 08:39 PM

The Bible says to flee temptation. Stop talking to your ex and focus on your new life. If you don't, sin will take you further and cost you more than you ever imagined.

jms1226 · Aug 4, 2006, 11:19 PM

You might think this is strange advice, but since I'm a Christian man, both you and your "ex" wife should leave your current relationships and return to one-another. What God has brought together let no man put asunder. Christ forbade divorce, and in His eyes new relationships are merely adultery. Good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 5, 2006, 06:45 AM

And you will always have great and fond memoies of your ex ( or you can) most people forget over time the reasons and it is great to have those memories, I have a wonderful ex ( lousy wife but wonderful ex) and I also had those feelings,

One time we both went to our son's graduation from basic training, we meet, had dinner together with our son, and spent the evening remembering the old times ( only the good of course) well I almost did something stupdid that night also.

I am not saying that at times if you are single and she is single that couples don't get back together sometimes, I know one where both remarried, after 30 years when their new spouses died, they got back together again,

But we have to move on in our life and often that means closing those doors behind us

valinors_sorrow · Aug 5, 2006, 06:56 AM

I can only speak for myself in this but when I love someone, its forever. I also believe its possible to love more than one at a time. So with that said, I can tell you plainly that I still love many, including a man from a previous relationship, and I always will. And I am happily married to a man who knows this too. He feels differently about his first wife but understands how I feel.

I also understand the relationship I had with this man I love is over. I don't spend time with him and would not cultivate the opportunity either. If there were circumstances that required it, I would acknowledge that this is a new relationship, vastly different from the old one and shield my heart accordingly. I would certainly not engage in the kind of intimate talk you have. It can only grow trouble. Beside, much of what broke us up to begin with is probably still there -- nothing of real subtance has changed, I would be willing to bet.

I don't think its fair to ask which one do you want when you aren't in a position (as in single and unattached) to be asking that. Love is not the only thing loyalty is forged from but more so time and attention... so I think it is wise to pay attention to where my time and attention goes. And although it takes some measure of discipline to love someone enough to leave them alone, it is doable without as much effort as you might think. As I see it, it is the mark of real maturity too.

anonymous916 · Mar 12, 2008, 04:06 AM

I agree to a point. She is your ex for a reason. But if you both were young and not ready for that kind of commitment before, then you could be missing out on a great opportunity! Granted, you are both in new relationships now. And yes, you do have an obligation to your new spouses. But didn't you have an obligation to your ex? I'm not saying jump right out of your new marriage, but I would at least consider the possibility that you and your ex might still have a chance. She could be the soul mate you lost years ago. Maybe you just needed time to grow, and realize what it is you really wanted? I got divorced 9 years ago. Both of us got re-married and had kids. But we finally realized it wasn't each other we didn't want, it was the commitment at the time. We realized we were just to young to be settled down so soon. (18 and 19) Now we are both separated from our current spouses and are living life to the fullest. TOGETHER!! We have finally realized that we are each others soul mates and nothing could keep us apart. It's great. Just be open with your wife now. Tell her how you are feeling. I'm sure she will be mad, but you can't be 100% true to her if part of your heart is still with your ex, right? Good luck!

hardwaresoftie · May 18, 2009, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by CaptainForest

You didn't state how old you are but you said that in 4 years, you matured a lot.

No one can answer this but you, but if you choose your current wife, cut off all contact with the ex. Don't allow that temptation to exist in your life.

And you do need to choose. Your wife or your ex? She is your ex for a reason.

Stay with your wife, cut off communication with the ex.

Yes he did, i.e 30 an 27 correct? Hmmm I see this a lot, i.e people not reading postings thoroughly before replying to them.

As for my opinion, it's simple get over it and move on for the sake of your current r'ship unless of course you're not happy in which case end this one before attempting to try an old one and or another.