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dragonlilly · Apr 23, 2008, 11:31 AM

I need to help my boyfriend but I don't know how... he had two friends commit suicide one week from each other about 9 months ago, well, lately he's been going to the grave, drinking, and crying. These were like brothers to him. He talks to me and I do my best, but yesterday I had to call the cops and get him to a hospital because he put a gun to his head (locked&loaded) before he left he looked at me like I was the worst person in the world.. he even took my key and I was stuck outside from 3am-11am (had manager open door) but I don't know why he's mad, I just wanted to help. Did I do a bad thing by calling the cops? I'm not sure, I love him and we plan to get married one day but I don't know if I can handle this. He's still at the hospital but I know him, he's just telling them what they want to hear.. What should I do? If it matters or helps, they were 20-21yrs old, he's 21

jenniferlup · Apr 23, 2008, 11:54 AM

I think he needs to go to a center were they can help him kind of like rehab. You need to get him help. Have you talk to his parents? Or anyone in his family about this? You shouldn't have to deal with this problem alone. How did his friends die?

Smoked · Apr 23, 2008, 12:17 PM

No, you did not do anything bad by trying to help someone you love. Your boyfriend needs to seek some professional help. Bottom line.

talaniman · Apr 23, 2008, 01:00 PM

You did the absolute right thing, and may have saved his life. He is ill, and needs help, but not from you. You've done the good deed, the rest is up to him, and you need to steer clear, for the sake of you both.

Bulldog23A · Apr 23, 2008, 01:25 PM

Suicide is like paranoia-they are both contagious if not kept in check. Your boyfriend probably should have sought counseling immediately after the death of his friends, and like most people, probably didn't want to talk about it with anyone. The biggest thing with preventing suicide is that people don't feel like they are all alone. Often suicidal people will lash out at loved ones because they want to run everyone off-just so they can die alone. Don't let him be alone. Make him realize that suicide is just quitting because life got hard to understand. He needs to get help, and you need help helping him. Get proffesionals involved as quickly as possible. Also, as many friends and family as you can.

dragonlilly · Apr 23, 2008, 08:38 PM

Well he talked to some doctors, but he told them lies just so he could get out of there faster, he lied about drinking, drug use (past) and blamed me for him being there, said I get a little crazy when I drink, he also told them he never took out the gun, he only said he would, but I was there, he had it to his head, I knocked it out of his hand.. he thinks he is fine, now he's home and drinking again, he said he wants to act like it never happened?? What am I suppose to do if he doesn't want help?

talaniman · Apr 24, 2008, 04:33 AM

Leave him alone, and stay away from him. Its not your job to babysit him, and traumatise yourself, while he engages in negative behavior. Where is his family?

dragonlilly · Apr 24, 2008, 07:44 PM

His family is here in town, I tried to talk to him last night, but he said he can't talk to me because I didn't know his friends that passed, and then said he couldn't talk to the ones that did because there his "boys"

the1unv · Apr 24, 2008, 08:20 PM

Tell him to cut the childish BS and grow up. If he won't talk to you or his family you need to talk to his family. If you love him try to help... if you truly don't... get away. At 21 he is still a kid... You stepping in to knock a gun from his hands will get you killed... be strong and don't baby him. In 1987 I had 7, yes I said seven, classmates commit suicide. 2 guys by guns, 1 buy hanging and four girls left a car run in a garage a died together. It hurt and I felt so bad, however I never put a gun to my head. You need to protect yourself first.
Mike

dragonlilly · Apr 25, 2008, 09:31 AM

I do love him and want to help, he is now in a mood, he said he doesn't feel the same, because I sent him to the mental ward and now he thinks there might be something wrong, he said its my fault I didn't have to send him there, was it a bad choice to call the cops? He said he would never do that to me. He said he's never had a girl do that to him and because of me he will have this memory, it made me feel so bad I cried, and now I can' sleep because all I can think about is I messed us up because I'm the one who sent him away, he said it should have been me there not him. I really don't know what to do, he has drank himself drunk every night.. it's been 5 days in a row now, and he cries in my arm thinking of his friends and why good people get hurt... I'm no psychologist I'm his girlfriend and I'm trying to be a friend.

dragonlilly · Apr 25, 2008, 09:36 AM

One friend hung himself on July 4th, the other did the same one week later, I can't talk to his mom because he doesn't want me to, said it would stress her out, he said he keeps thinking of there mom and how they feel, I had friends pass by different ways (murder, accidents,cancer) so I know the feeling but I am against the wall in this one, I don't want to leave him alone, but I don't want to lose him... my mind is so confused.. he told me what the doctors said and he just lied to them, so how can I get him help if he's just going to lie..

talaniman · Apr 25, 2008, 10:53 AM

so how can I get him help if he's just going to lie..

I can understand the frustration of not knowing what to do and not being able to help. He doesn't want help, or he wouldn't lie about this. Back off him, for the good of you both, and that goes for the family also.

I fear you will do more harm than good. Seek the counsel of a very trusted adult. Really soon, like yesterday, as you are not able to do this alone!!!!!!!!!!

you_know · Apr 25, 2008, 11:13 AM

You sound like a good strong girlfreind. You should just be there for your b/f if ever he needs you even if its 2 in the morning. I mean that's what we are for. Women are good at that. I think he does need some help dealing with death is a hard subject. You can call the suicide hotline or tell his parents that way its not to stressful for you.