[my2smilingangels]

I have a cousin that just had a baby about 3 months ago. She is young, 19, but not capable of taking care of a baby. My aunt came to me and said that she has not seen my cousin or the baby in about 1 month. My cousin is not answering the phone, the door is locked, and nobody will answer the door. I am very worried about the welfare of my cousin and the baby. I know that she is living with her boyfriend and I don't trust him. I am a very open person and have been around many types of people so I would like to think that I give everyone a fair chance, but there is something about him. I was only around him for about 10 mnutes and I felt very uncomfortable. I am worried that my cousin is being abused and that could be a reason, or if something is wrong with the baby. What do I do?

[Sumokilla]

How frustrating. I know from my own experience that there have been occasions where I had some sort of limbic response or discerning feeling around someone that made me shutter. And I have to say that I have been wrong more times than I have been right. However, I have been right a few times and I never will forget my mothers words on this when I had acted on a suspicion and was wrong... she said, "You will never regret acting on a possibility. You will however regret not acting when there was something you could have done about it."

I would advise you to take your concern to the next level. There are limits to actions one can take in these situations and you don't want to be caught in a defamation of character civil case with someone because of some hunch you have. Take steps now to find out about the person of interest. Depending on the state you are in, you could probably find out details about this persons past arrest record or current cases in court against him. He could have a history of domestic violence, assault & battery, kidnapping or false imprisonment or even rape or molestation charges OR convictions! Yeah, crazy that wackos like this could still be out on the street! You can probably find these things out. If the person is on parole or probation, that gives people like us a lot more room to maneuver as you may have the opportunity to speak with a parole or probation officer about his history, your concerns or his whereabouts.

While you discover what you can, you may need to become a private investigator on your own in your attempts to locate and contact your cousin. Once you do contact her or locate here, do whatever you can to find out how she is doing, what she is doing and if she needs help. Often times, people are not inclined to come right out and say what's really happening. More often then not, a person like yourself needs to be very forward. Ask questions like, "Do you need any help with anything?" or "I am really concerned for you and the baby and I want to help in any way that I can." Be reassuring and a good NON-BIASED confidant for your cousin. Remember that your primary concern is to get her and her baby into a safe place or environment and to make sure they are getting help they need.

I can tell you this from my own experience in working with at risk youth and families. I have rarely seen an outcome from the use of Child Protective Services that was positive for the children. I hate to say it but this is not a resource. If you need to use a CPS, be sure that you have your facts straight and you are clear on any violations of law or dangers. Many CPS agencies will act on peoples complaints whether founded or not. BUT, do not hesitate to contact a CPS agency if the situation calls for it. By law, you cannot enter a loved ones home to conduct an investigation into your concerns but they can.

Unfortunately, it is very difficult to help some people. In many cases, families have to stand by to watch the downward spiral of another family member as they make decisions that hurt themselves and their children. But be a vigilant loved one. Do not act out of vanity or your own ego. Your 19 year old cousin may be an unfit mother now, but with coaching and care, she could become a very valiant mother and perhaps a lifelong friend as well. And both of those things should be on the top of your list...

[N0help4u]

If you live far away and she has nobody near her to check on her, from what I understand and I have seen it done. You can call her local police station and tell them you do not live nearby and have been trying to get a hold of her for over a month and could they check and make sure everything is all right with her and tell her to call you. Of course you can not make a habit of it though.

[oneguyinohio]

I agree with Nohelp4u, again, but have to spread some rep... I believe it is called a wellness check... Police will do it when family expresses concern that they have not been able to contact someone such as you describe. That doesn't mean that they will resolve any problems, but you'll know the person is still alive and healthy. It's then up to the person if they want to contact you or not, as well as what lifestyle they may choose to lead.