[bigbird213]

Thanks NNG,

Not making it a habit is definitely a focus of mine. Like I said, I don't see myself dating her again, and I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation of feeling bad if I had to say, "I don't think so, sorry" If this became routine, it might go that way...

How have you been doing?

[talaniman]

Maybe contacting you again has stirred those feelings in her, and she acted on them. Which is exactly what we tell you not to do.

Either way let it go for now, and don't start anything you can't finish. As you know, I believe in letting emotional dust settle before confusion sets in.

You've been doing great though, and good to see the progress you've been making.

[face_reality]

Well I hope you guys don't mind me digging up this old thread. Been a twist to the story lately and I'd like some opinions about how to proceed.

For the record, its been NC the entire way and lately I have been feeling fine. I don't think there is anything that brings me down about it anymore, and for the past month or two I haven't had a down moment about it. So that's how I stand at the moment.

For the twist: A few days ago, she messages me online. Out the blue, really startled me to see her name after 7 months of no contact. I was nervous because it was such a shock to me.

Anyway, the reason she messaged me was that she heard about the passing of my grandmother a few weeks earlier and wanted to let me know she was sorry. I didn't get the message, so I wrote her a short email saying thank you and I appreciate it. The next day, she messages me online again to say "I got your email and thought it would be easier to tell you here than in an email". (Excuse?) That turned into a conversation for about an hour and a half catching up, etc. It was awkward at first, but was actually really nice to hear from her and I got the impression she thought the same.

Then, two days go by and I don't hear from her. Last night she sent me another message (I wasn't at the computer) about something which didn't warrant her sending me a message at all.

So this is where I am at... I'm not really sure if she is 'playing at' anything or just trying to talk to me. Its weird after so long, so I was a little nervous that she might be missing me or something. I DONT see myself getting back together with her, and don't see myself in a relationship with anyone for a while - no desire to.

Basically, I'm looking for input on the contact bit. I don't really see the harm in talking to her once in a while, and was thinking of actually messaging her at some point.

The contact we have had hasn't bothered me at all. Obviously, it makes me think about her more than normal, but they aren't thoughts that get me down or depress me - just nostalgic feelings.

So I'm torn because it feels like I'm doing the "wrong" thing simply because for the longest time any sort of contact would have been absolutely banned.

Anyone been there, or have any suggestions? I know its the sort of thing that only I can decide, but any advice is appreciated. Sorry for writing so much, Been a while since I have updated, so it took a bit to get it all down.

Dude, you love taking a beating from this girl, don't you? If you continue this, you will end up in more pain. SO STAY WAY FROM HER PERIOD!

[ISneezeFunny]

Oh biggie.

7 months... sounds about right. It's in the "girl manual"... let me dig it up, I stole it from a girl.

It says..

"Give the guy anywhere from 7 - 8 months after the breakup, then when he is all settled in, contact him. Make sure the first attempt at contact is something important. Maybe he just got into a good school, or maybe he just got a new job, or maybe his parents just got divorced, etc. Whatever it may be, simply congratulate (or sympathize) him and end it there.

Wait a few days then contact him again, but this time, make the subject about something important, but not really necessary.

The third time, just simply say hi. Repeat this last one over and over again.

Biggie, I'm sorry for your loss. However, my ex contacted me about 8 months after we broke up to tell me "congrats on my new business venture"...I didn't respond (I had the manual). Then, she started contacting me every couple of weeks. A few weeks ago was her downfall.

It read:

You should be happy you're no longer with me, because I've turned into such a b%$(@ that I hate myself.

Sounds like a typical girl, right? Too bad she isn't. She was never one to say things like that, nor ever one to look down on herself...EVER. Imagine Hillary Clinton saying that...yeah, not possible. Anywho, I was at a bar with a few buddies and this was brought up, so I told them, and then one of the buddies told his girlfriends, and somehow, it got back to my ex.

My ex then texted me: "I can't believe you told everyone that."

then that was it. I haven't heard from her in a few weeks...last I heard, she and the new "ex" (they broke it off after 6 months... but are still canoodling) are getting along swimmingly.

[bigbird213]

Haha...

Thanks for the insight Sneezy... Well, I might have responded, but I don't really think I got myself into anything I can't manage. Its easy enough to go back to not talking at all, and/or avoiding scenarios where she might try it.

Good to hear it from someone who's been there.. I'm keeping my distance and my eyes wide open.