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laticious · Apr 17, 2008, 02:09 PM

I'm trying to find out who my boyfriends parents are he's adopted

tickle · Apr 17, 2008, 02:48 PM

No one is going to give you that information if you are not connected to him. Only he can initiate a search for his birth parents if he knows where he was born, hospital, whatever. Has he asked you to do this because he wants to know ?

laticious · Apr 17, 2008, 02:52 PM

To tickle... he is to scared to find out on his own... how do I encourage him... or what would you do if the love of your life wouldn't open up as much cause of all that pain inside

startover22 · Apr 17, 2008, 03:13 PM

Originally Posted by laticious

to tickle.... he is to scared to find out on his own ... how do i encourage him... or what would you do if the love of your life wouldnt open up as much cause of all that pain inside

Oh now, this sounds more like you want to know than anything else. He will do it when he is ready if ever he is, you can't make him do this or encourage him to either. This is all in him, if he wants to then he will, if he doesn't then please don't pressure him into doing so! Hugs, I hope it all works out!

laticious · Apr 17, 2008, 03:35 PM

Guess your right... soooo can anybody help me out with this feeling I'm feelings for him

startover22 · Apr 17, 2008, 03:37 PM

What exactly is going on that makes you think this is the "heart" of the problem. Something are just better left alone, you know?

J_9 · Apr 17, 2008, 03:37 PM

I understand your frustrations as my husband was adopted. However, unfortunately, you alone cannot find out who his parents are. He must be the one to initiate the search. If he does not want to, that is his choice.

You can't encourage him to do this, it may cause more pain for him than he already holds. If and when he wants to find out, he will start the search. But until then just be his girlfriend and support whatever decision he makes.

laticious · Apr 17, 2008, 03:51 PM

Welll till tomorrow then

Fr_Chuck · Apr 17, 2008, 04:25 PM

Yes, first most people who are adopted do not have a real need or desire to find the sperm donors, they realise that the parents who raised them are their real parents and they are completely happy with that.

But beyond that, they can paste info on varoius web sites, they can talk to their parents who often may know more info about the adoption.

startover22 · Apr 17, 2008, 04:28 PM

Yes, getting back ground info (with his consent) would be the first place to start. Just remember that he should give you permission to pursue on this issue. It would hurt him to know you were doing this behind his back!

FeelSoNumbZombie · Apr 18, 2008, 11:40 AM

laticious,
Please join an Adoption Search and Support Group. You can find them at yahoogroups or googlegroups.com.
Join one that is in the state that he was born into. If you know what state he was born in, that is!
If you don't, join a support group that he was adopted into.
Hope this helps.
There is also a good one called Soaring Angels. They can be found on yahoogroups.com
There is nothing wrong with you helping out your guy! Plenty of us gals, do it all of the time. Nothing ventured, nothing earned. But you will need his help, consent and information in order to proceed to a positive outcome.
MOST adoptee's do wonder. And most search at different points in their lifetimes. Some more intense, than others.
Personal note:
It is an individual choice. It is an individual journey. As an adult, I need no ones permission. It is my past. It is my future. It is my life. It is my family. It is my Vital Record. It is my heritage. It is my biology. It is mine, I own all of it. Even the outcome.