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h0llister · Apr 12, 2008, 05:22 PM

Entire story merged

He lives 2000 miles away and I miss him so much! :( We have been together for 1year and almost 3 months and so far 9months of it has been long distance. We talk about 3times a day on the phone.($$$ :(.. lol) We have seen each other 2 times since we had to be in long distance(only for a few weeks each time). But we won't be able to live together for a least 4 more years! I have faith in the relationship and we truly love each other but I get really sad a lot because I miss him. Is anyone else dealing with this? Or has? Tell me your stories.. maybe they can help! I just miss him sooooo much:(!!

Also in 2 months I will go visit him again! XoXo Thank you everyone~

svatnsdal · Apr 12, 2008, 05:51 PM

Sorry, I never have, but my brother did often due to traveling. What he and his girlfriend did was leave the relationship open. Meaning, they had the right to see others. They both agreed on it and things went absolutely fine. They were together for around 7 years, but thankfully he left her! Ya, I didn't like her. I have heard some people do that, they say if you love each other, you will end up back together every time!

lmnotok · Apr 12, 2008, 07:11 PM

I have been there. My advice is giving it open. Meaning both of you guys have the rights to meet and love someone else. And guess what? Fate will bring you guys together if it is meant to be. Chill out gal, there is so much to do rather than spending all the time missing someone. You might feel what I'm writing here is not accurate but over time, you'll see!

h0llister · Apr 12, 2008, 07:22 PM

We both don't want to date other people though. We see each other every few months and if we were to date other people it would be awkward. We are going to marry and when we do that's when we live together, we believe in that. It just gets lonely sometimes. I could never imagine being able to kiss him , knowing he's out there with other women. Nooo way . I love him too much!! <3 he tells me the same as well.

Advisor · Apr 12, 2008, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by h0llister

He lives 2000 miles away and I miss him soo much!!:( We have been together for 1year and almost 3 months and so far 9months of it has been long distance. We talk about 3times a day on the phone.($$$ :( ..lol) We have seen each other 2 times since we had to be in long distance(only for a few weeks each time). But we wont be able to live together for a least 4 more years!! I have faith in the relationship and we truly love each other but i get really sad alot because i miss him. Is anyone else dealing with this?? or has?? Tell me your stories ..maybe they can help! I just miss him sooooo much:( !!!

Also in 2 months i will go visit him again! XoXo Thank you everyone~

Long distance relationships are not fun, but in some cases worth every month, day, minute and second. If you truly feel that you both love each other so much, the time that you spend apart can be considered the real test. I know what you are feeling. I personally experienced these feelings with a woman that I met and love from the Philippines, over 7000 miles away. But if you wait it out, maybe your ending will be as wonderful as mine. I have a blog that I write and I published our difficult story and a poem that I wrote to this woman who eventually became my wife. That long distant relationship was the best relationship that I had my entire life. I encourage you to go to my website: BLOGHEAVEN and read my story. Then you will understand that just maybe your situation will get better. Just for the record, I met Virginia on the internet, and met her in the Philippines 3 months later. A whole year went by before we met again, but this time I went with her to the US Embassy in Manila and brought her home with me three weeks later and we were married. One thing you might consider is to stop all the telephone calls and use your computer to talk to your man directly, everyday as much as you want without any charge. That telephone bill can be kind of expensive. You can use Yahoo Messenger, or Skype, or one of a dozen audio/video programs to keep in touch. One thing you MUST keep in mind for any long distance relationship to work is that both of you MUST TRUST EACH OTHER. No relationship will last no matter how far apart you are from one another if there is no trust. You must not even doubt each other, because if you do, you are looking for more heartache and pain in the future. I hop this note has helped you, and please visit my site... Your friend... James

Distantlove · Apr 13, 2008, 01:41 AM

I am in a distant relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half, he went away 6 months ago because he started uni. During the time you're apart, realise that you don't have to sit around waiting for his calls/texts all day, go out with your friends, keep yourself busy etc! You'll find that your days go by quicker, which means seeing him will come along quicker. This will also make you happier rather than missing him all day. Trust is also very important. Stay strong! My dad started writing to my mum because he found her on penpal, and she lived in the far east and my dad in england. They wrote for a year, and during that time they saw each other just two times before they got married and they are still together now. Proves it can work, you just need to stay strong and when you are with each other, make every minute last! If you are meant to be it will work.

h0llister · Apr 13, 2008, 06:49 AM

Thank you guys so much.! :) your stories have helped me a lot! XoXo Thank you!

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 09:16 AM

Hello and thank you for viewing this... I will tell you some background first.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2years and a year and a half has been in long distance (2000miles). We have been very strong and have visited each other 5times since he moved away for school. 4 of the times were me visiting him(because of his schooling). It is very expensive for me and I want to go to school now so I won't be able to visit until I'm done school (2years) He only gets off 2 weeks in December,1 week in march and 2weeks in July.. for the next 2 years.

So we both know its going to be very hard to see each other for awhile and he is always always busy with homework now, we barely get to talk because of it and I am afraid I'm going to lose him. We reallly do love each other and want it to work but like eventually we are never going to talk and he will soon rather be with his new university friends. He told me before that he might want to break up because I can find someone better who can give me more attention and stuff but I realllly reallly love him and I don't want any other man. I don't no what to do . He won't let me visit him because I need to pay for school (which I understand) he is able to visit me because his parents always pay for him but he barely has any time off school. Ahhh I am going crazy I feel like I am losing him and there's absolutely NOTHING I can do about it :( :( :( I have never felt so much love toward anyone except him and I just can not let time,money and school drive us apart... please help what do you guys think?

Thank you,

p.s. we have plans of marriage in 4years ( we not engaged.. yet but we have planned)

hjpan · Sep 11, 2008, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by h0llister

Hello and thank you for viewing this... I will tell you some background first.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2years and a year and a half has been in long distance (2000miles). We have been very strong and have visited each other 5times since he moved away for school. 4 of the times were me visiting him(because of his schooling). It is very expensive for me and i want to go to school now so i wont be able to visit until im done school (2years) He only gets off 2 weeks in december,1 week in march and 2weeks in july.. for the next 2 years.

So we both know its going to be very hard to see each other for awhile and he is always always busy with homework now, we barely get to talk because of it and i am afraid im gonig to lose him. We reallly do love each other and want it to work but like eventually we are never going to talk and he will soon rather be with his new university friends. He told me before that he might want to break up because i can find someone better who can give me more attention and stuff but i realllly reallly love him and i dont want any other man. i dont no what to do . He wont let me visit him because i need to pay for school (which i understand) he is able to visit me because his parents always pay for him but he barely has any time off of school. ahhh i am going crazy i feel like i am losing him and theres absolutely NOTHING i can do about it :( :( :( I have never felt so much love toward anyone except him and i just can not let time,money and school drive us apart....please help what do u guys think??

Thank you, Tamara

p.s. we have plans of marriage in 4years ( we not engaged..yet but we have planned)

Sorry to burst the bubble but it's not going to happen.
I was in a relationship too... met up, had sex, and did what couples do.
Left me after 15 months...

nickshehe · Sep 11, 2008, 09:59 AM

Uni or starting a new school is an exciting experience for anyone.. that being said - unless your boyfriend is a super genius in an elite school where homework is enforced every day of the minute, I would suggest he's exaggerating to justify his absence. There's no such thing as "too much homework". Any school/institution isn't absurd - he HAS free time.. I imagine he CHOOSES not to spend the little free time he has over the phone to you and CHOOSES to do something more proactive (which makes PERFECT SENSE). I'm sorry to be so direct and somewhat cruel but it's just the way the boat floats.. That was HINT 1.
Barely has time off school to visit? - if its EXPENSIVE to visit that's a valid excuse.. but no time OFF ? I imagine its his first year since you mentioned his "new" uni friends.. I don't know if the educational system in the US is different than the one in the UK (assuming you're in the US).. but the first year is usually very little strain.. Even so - I study a science and I had about 30 odd hours of lectures a week + assesments e.t.c.. But I worked my b*tt off on weekdays and I didn't slack off.. and I took the weekend to visit my girlfriend.(Travel costs were cheap but this is just an example). That was HINT 2.
HINT 3:

He told me before that he might want to break up because I can find someone better who can give me more attention and stuff

- self explanatory.
I wouldn't count on those wedding plans.. This guy is slowly drifting apart from you... and it's really not your fault - but distance does that to people. Long distance relationships are a no-no... Ofcourse you still love him , you're where you were when you were together.. you're still in that same place..
When you remove one of the elements and stick them into a new environment - it makes it all that easier to move on and forget.. You're only torturing yourself when you don't realise this.. It's going to sting at first when you do, but once you're in uni it'll be easier for you to move on.
I'm sorry but you're only postponing future sorrow and pain if you stay in this relationship, it was condemned to fail from beginning to start. The sad thing is it's not your fault - and I certainly don't blame him.. it's just the way things are..
Please consider
-thanks
Nick

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 10:07 AM

He seriously has a lot of homework.. actually I'm in canada and he's in mexico and I've seen his timetable and he seriously has no time off and he does have homework like crazy.. university is different there even our mutual friends there have lots of homework..

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 10:11 AM

He does call me about 4times a day but only for about 5minutes to check up and say hi.. but I want to actually have a conversation.. is that asking too much?

hjpan · Sep 11, 2008, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by h0llister

He seriously has alot of homework .. actually im in canada and hes in mexico and ive seen his timetable and he seriously has no time off and he does have homework like crazy .. unviersity is different there even our mutual friends there have lots of homework..

Just break it off...

It won't last =/

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 10:21 AM

Has to just say break up with someone you love so much, like it will hurt not only to have him as an ex but at all I know if we break up it will be goodbye forever and I really do care about him

hjpan · Sep 11, 2008, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by h0llister

has to just say break up with someone you love so much, like it will hurt not only to have him as an ex but at all i know if we break up it will be goodbye forever and i really do care about him

Look... everyone is going to go through this stage no matter what unless the person stays as a hermit.

I've been in the same situation and it sucks.

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 10:29 AM

But if we able to make it through our relationship would be so much stronger than just quitting

nickshehe · Sep 11, 2008, 10:33 AM

but if we able to make it through our relationship would be so much stronger than just quitting

.. I'm sorry but being on these forums long enough has taught me that this only happens in the movies.. or a very fortunage 0.01% of the developed world.
You justify his homework excuse - ill buy it for now, but what about everything else I mentioned? He even hinted at breaking up.. I assume the only reason he isn't doing it is because he doesn't want to hurt you.. You've seen the guy 4 times in a year.. thats NOT healthy.. human beings have needs , both emotional and physical.. Online or telephone just won't cut it... Imho it's lasted long enough already.. I'm sorry but there isn't much you can do about this. You have to grasp the reality of your situation.
It's highly unlikely things will work out for the two of you.

bigbird213 · Sep 11, 2008, 10:46 AM

Okay,

I'm going to jump in here since a lot of what I saw seems pretty depressing and I'm sure not what the OP had in mind.. Here's my two cents...

Long distance relationships are VERY hard. Probably the biggest strain on a relationship you could imagine. On top of that, your relationship is going to be long distance, with virtually no contact, for the next two years. That's a very long time.

Try this... Think back 2 years ago. Think about what you liked, what you were into, what you didn't like, etc... You will probably see that you aren't the same person you were then as you are now... Why do you think that in two years time from now, you will be the same as you are now? Not to mention, these years are probably some of the most formative years in your life...

The reason I say this is it's hard for anyone, even the two of you, to predict what is going to happen in the future.. If you want to try to keep this relationship going, I say go for it. I'm not saying its going to be easy -- it won't. I'm not saying it's going to work because the truth is, most LDRs fall apart. It's a fact. That doesn't mean your doomed, it just means its going to be very tough...

It sounds like from what he has told you, he knows how hard it is going to be, and no matter what his reasons are, he has some reservations about it. I think you need to keep in mind how much work this is going to be, and go into it cautiously.

Just keep in mind that it is a very real possibility that it will not last...

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 11:01 AM

Thank you that is the nicest truthful post!

h0llister · Sep 11, 2008, 12:42 PM

Hello, I have been considering breaking up with my boyfriend for quite sometime.. we have been together for almost 2 years and in long distance for 1year and a half. Right now he's super busy in university and we can barely talk.. whenever I call him he gets mad because he is always studying or between classes and it hurts me because whenever he is able to call me we just talk for like 5minutes.. but he does tell me he loves me and kisses me on the phone every time.and I just moved in a completely new city and have no friends here and I really look forward for conversations with my boyfriend once I have no close friends here. So I am very lonely already and without him I will be more lonely.

I have some questions maybe you guys can help me with..

How long should I think about breaking up before doing it?

How do I stop being so lonely after?

How am I suppose to say goodbye to someone I actually truly truly love?

p.s. this will be with first breakup with someone I love.

Also do you think I'm making the right choice?