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mudderbox · Apr 12, 2008, 02:27 PM

Okay, so I am going to be 15 THIS MONTH, and as for the guy I like... He turnned 18 this month too. So that's three years between us. We dated for a few days and then had to break up because my dad found out. But my mom was tottally okay with it. My parents are divorced by the way. I also haven't talked to my dad in months because he's an so I finally started talking to him again, in hopes of him letting me date the guy I like. He never gave me a straight answer. I think he didn't because he would say, no and doesn't want me not talking to him for months again. So the guy I like wanted to meet my dad but then it turns out even if my dad was to aprove, his dad doesn't want him getting in trouble before he graduates. :c We've liked each other for months and only went out for THREE DAYS! It's not like we were having sex! Even if we were (which we WERENT) how could anyone prove it? I need help. This is horrible.

This is in Oregon by the way.

J_9 · Apr 12, 2008, 02:34 PM

What does an 18 year old want with a 14 year old? Sex.

I have a 14 year old daughter and if an 18 year old boy came to the house he'd be looking down the barrel of a shotgun.

Look hun, even if you aren't having sex, you will be. He will pressure you most likely, tell you he loves you and that if you love him you would do this for him.

The age of consent in Oregon is 16. So, you have a little over a year to wait to be able to date him. If you date him now, and there is anything more than hand holding, not just sex, but kissing too, he could go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life.

You don't want that for him do you?

Oops, I'm sorry, the actual age of consent in Oregon is 18. So you have a while to wait.

mudderbox · Apr 12, 2008, 02:55 PM

You mean, he can get in trouble for just us kissing? Omg... But my friend Tuesday is going out with a guy who is 18. But her parents are okay with it. Is it only the parents who can get you in trouble?

J_9 · Apr 12, 2008, 02:57 PM

Yes, you can get in trouble just for kissing. No, it's not just the parents who can get you in trouble. It's the law, the parents don't make the laws.

If your friend is 14 and going out with an 18 year old, HE is breaking the law.

mudderbox · Apr 12, 2008, 03:11 PM

Ugh, this tottally sucks. There is no way around it at all?

I also heard that it's illegal if it's 3 years apart in age... Is that true?

And also how could anyone prove that we kissed?

J_9 · Apr 12, 2008, 03:14 PM

Kissing can't be proved by anything unless someone sees you or you take a lie detector test.

Some states do have the 3 year rule.

mudderbox · Apr 12, 2008, 03:19 PM

But Lie detectors can be wronge and how can they make you take one?

J_9 · Apr 12, 2008, 03:38 PM

Hun, they aren't going to make you take a lie detector for kissing. But remember, he could go to jail for a very long time and be labeled a sex offender if you two are caught. This label sticks with him for the rest of his life.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 12, 2008, 03:47 PM

His jealous X girlfiend turns you in, some other boy who likes you who wants to get rid of him turns him in, someone gets mad at either of you and so on.

And think of it this way, a 18 year old who wants to date a 14 year old is basically a pediphile.
Every adult who is on here will say the same thing.

So think of him on trial, and all of the people on that jury will just see him as a dirty older man, going out with a young child.
He will be guilty and the jury ordering a meal before lunch.

But in this case your dad is trying to protect you, and your mom is really wrong and I am sorry that she does not care enough, she should be concerned deeply you would be dating a 18 year old.

JudyKayTee · Apr 13, 2008, 08:49 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

What does an 18 year old want with a 14 year old? Sex.

I have a 14 year old daughter and if an 18 year old boy came to the house he'd be looking down the barrel of a shotgun.

Look hun, even if you aren't having sex, you will be. He will pressure you most likely, tell you he loves you and that if you love him you would do this for him.

The age of consent in Oregon is 16. So, you have a little over a year to wait to be able to date him. If you date him now, and there is anything more than hand holding, not just sex, but kissing too, he could go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life.

You don't want that for him do you?

My concern with this situation is that the 18-year old must have difficulty with his own age group and has decided 14 is a good match for him.

Also note that you are somewhat alienated from your father - the 18 year old is certainly not old enough to be a father figure but he is old enough to be an "older man." Is this part of it?

(If an 18 year old showed up to pick up my 14 year old he'd be looking into the eyes of the Police.)

s_cianci · Apr 13, 2008, 08:51 AM

It sounds like both fathers are looking out for their own childrens' respective interests. And frankly I can't say I blame either one. I wouldn't want my 15-year-old daughter dating an 18-year-old guy. And I wouldn't want my 18-year-old son dating a 15-year-old girl.

mudderbox · Apr 13, 2008, 10:19 PM

High school is high school, you know? It seems like one big age goup when you're all friends. :D I don't see how three years is so bad? My mom just trusts me. :D What I really want is a way around this. Haha. But I do thank everyone who answers my question. XD

djsk · Apr 13, 2008, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by mudderbox

Okay, so I am going to be 15 THIS MONTH, and as for the guy I like... He turnned 18 this month too. So that's three years between us. We dated for a few days and then had to break up because my dad found out. But my mom was tottally okay with it. My parents are divorced by the way. I also haven't talked to my dad in months because he's an so I finally started talking to him again, in hopes of him letting me date the guy I like. He never gave me a straight answer. I think he didn't becasue he would say, no and doesn't want me not talking to him for months again. So the guy I like wanted to meet my dad but then it turns out even if my dad was to aprove, his dad doesn't want him getting in trouble before he graduates. :c We've liked each other for months and only went out for THREE DAYS! It's not like we were having sex! Even if we were (which we WERENT) how could anyone prove it? I need help. This is horrible.

This is in Oregon by the way.

OK your 14 sweetie and yes its illegal for him to date u!
If you guys get cought he goes stright to jail no ? Asked but if you guys
Really like each other because knowing many kids are stobbern not saying you more of me you should tell your man that he should ask premision from your mom and dad giving a parent singture saying its OK for him to date you its OK but hear me out
I understand wath your in because I was in your place once
And you probably hear this a lot but many men his age and higher say the most beautiful things that makes you believe your in love but at the end your really up for a heart braker trust me!! :)

mudderbox · Apr 14, 2008, 01:05 AM

But his dad doesn't want him getting in trouble before he graduates even his he does get permission from my father. He even cried the night we had to break up. I did too. We relate on a strange level. We can argue over the stupidest stuff just for fun. I can be shy at times and he thinks it's cute. I could make a list of all the things I like about about. We've only ever started to kind of argue once and it was over texting and he said he didn't want to argue and we stopped like that. I think a part of me loves him and I don't want to loose that. I've been so jinxed this year with guys. All that I like, I can't get because I'm their friend's ex who cheated on me and we're still friends. Or they just kind of lead me on but never really make a move. I'm already picky enough as it is. Then when I get one I like, something happens... It has to turn into long distance, the one after that cheats on me and now this guy. >_> Patience will get me someone but it might not get me him. Three years is a long time to wait.

Are all you guys sure that the law in Oregon is even against dating and not just sex?

We get along as just friends too.

mudderbox · Apr 14, 2008, 01:09 AM

Oh, and not all 18 year old boys are players. He's pretty honest too and I've even meet his 'parents'. Who aren't his actual parents. It's his friend's, who he moved in with this year and they are like his parents. When we first started liking each other he even asked if his smoking bothered me. He's not gross or anything. He could get someone older but yet he chose me. ^-^

JudyKayTee · Apr 14, 2008, 06:11 AM

Originally Posted by mudderbox

High school is high school, you know? It seems like one big age goup when you're all friends. :D I don't see how three years is so bad? My mom just trusts me. :D What I really want is a way around this. Haha. But I do thank everyone who answers my question. XD

I don't see a way around this. Never good to speak for everyone but I think the problem is more the 14 vs 18 (which, by the way, is 4 years) than the age difference.

At 20 and 24 it won't matter much... but it does now.

And it's not a matter of trusting you. It's a matter of trusting him.

s_cianci · Apr 16, 2008, 01:38 PM

JudyKayTee agrees:

When my husband's daughters complained that he was too strict about their dates he always reminded them that he was once an 18 year old boy!

Yep! And so was I. And my daughters will know it when they get to be teenagers, even if it means me admitting to some things that I'm now kind of ashamed of.

mudderbox · Apr 18, 2008, 03:38 PM

But, he's trustworthy! :D You have no idea. And it isn't four years. It's like three years and 23 days difference. >_>

JudyKayTee · Apr 18, 2008, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by mudderbox

But, he's trustworthy! :D You have no idea. And it isn't four years. It's like three years and 23 days difference. >_>

Whether I have an idea doesn't really matter - it's what your father thinks that counts.

Handyman2007 · Apr 18, 2008, 06:42 PM

Let's put it this way- If the two of you are in public and a police officer sees your "boyfriend" kissing you, touching you or anything like that AND he questions your age, the boyfriend can be arrested for child abuse and/or contributing to the delinquincy of a minor. He is onle with you becase he can't get someone his own age. Get away from hiom. I am sure your parents aren't happy about this and THEY can file charges against him too. BTW, there are no laws concerning age differences except in a situation like this---you are a minor in the eyes of the law and he is an adult.