[Reecie]

I have asked a similar question but this will be a little different. I was lucky enough to see my 3 year old grandson a couple of weeks ago. My son needed me to watch him a couple of hours. I gave the child a bath after we had been to Mc Donald's and played on the gym toys, etc.. I have said before, the child's mother and father never were married. They are both in their 40's.

My dilemma is. This child has now said to me "you are mean". He has said other things to me. Like he called me a butthead, he also called me a man. He said, you are a man.

Now I actually think some of this is coming from my own son and maybe some from the child's mother. The two of them have just spent the day in the judges chambers doing a deposition because my son is trying to get controlling interest of this child so he can make the decisions on where he would go to school, etc. He does not feel the mother has good judgement. I don't know about either one of them.

Anyhow. My concern, is if these two people are telling my precious grandchild I am all of these names would it be best for me to just try to separate myself from all of them. They hardly ever let me see the child. Particularly the mother. It's obvious I never see him at her house unless I come with gifts. My own son will not even speak to me or even discuss the deposition with me. He tells the baby's mother's sister who she then tells me. She thinks her sister makes bad choices in life too. The baby's mother has a 15 and 18 years old girls.

My main questions is, should I never be available if and when one of them call me again to keep the child should I just say no. Just remember, I only get to see him less than a few hours a month and maybe not even that much and I only live 18 miles from him. The mother has never wanted me to see him. That's another story. I gave my old computer to my son and the baby's mother found some old e.mails on it from a friend of hers telling me how she was not a good mother to her other two children, etc. I'm sure that started this whole thing. What a huge mistake.

I'm concerned about this child calling me names. Would he be better off if I drop out of the picture, (not that'I'm really in ) and just leave my grandchild alone or do I keep hoping I can see him and just let them continue to teach him hateful things to say. I just want to know what is best for the child. I can handle anything. This is not about me. This is about them teaching that child hate in his heart. I'm concerned for my grandson. Both the parents are very bitter. I know there is not much I can do but would it be better for the little boy not to know me than to be taught to say ugly things, period.

I'm distraught.

There is a lot more to this. There are other questions I have posted and have gotten some good replies. Thanks to all of you. I will be more than glad to do what is best for my grandson.

[tickle]

I don't know how you are going to change the situatiion as you describe it, it sounds really odd. You realize too, that 3 year olds are impressionable and may not be calling you names because someone has told him too, but is doing it from what he has been hearing. His understanding is not good right now, at 3, nor is his vocabulary.

The hateful things he is learning will be forgotten as he grows older and starts to understand more. In the meantime, I would suggest you 'let sleeping dogs lie', drop out of the picture and back off for the time being. I am not saying it will be easy for you but with so much going on between his parents, it will take some of the stress of the little one.

[ldyastrid]

I disagree with tickle...

Your grandchild deserves to have you in his life - if only once a month, I say take what you can and hopefully in the future, you'll be able to see him more. When you a mom to a 3 year old, what did you tell him when he acted up/said things? Well... welcome back! Time to repeat that stage! Gently correct him when he's saying something wrong, tell him when he says something mean or hurtful "that's not nice, please don't talk like that"... set down the rules in your home that you expect him to follow. As time goes on, when he comes to see you, he'll know what the rules are if you are consistent.

I don't think staying out of his life is going to help anything - it'll make things more difficult as time goes on. He needs your guidance too - don't take it away from him because you don't agree with the way his parents are doing THEIR jobs! He didn't ask to be put in that situation... and maybe when he's older, he'll be asking to go see Grandma more often than once a month!

Good luck... hang in there... keep your chin up!

[Sarah48375]

I agree with ldyastrid. I know that a lot of people have a hard time doing this, but suck it up. My daughter's dad's family and I have had our hard times, but we suck it up. It's not about us anymore. It's about my daughter. I make it work. I apologize, forgive, and get along with people I should hate. I put aside all of those things for her. Just as you should do for your grandchild.

On a side note: You seem awfully involved in your son's and his ex's lives. I would be pretty pissed at my daughters grandmother if she was communicating with my friend and family without my knowledge. Is it really your place to be looking for answers like that? Perhaps they feel they can't trust you because you go behind their backs for answers.

I know it's hard because it's your son, but perhaps you should try and just focus on your grandson and seeing him, and focus less on trying to hear what's going on between the parents. I know that you want the best for your grandchild, but you have no control of what the parents are doing. I would suggest that you try to improve your relationship with the parents by staying out of their issues. Apologize for trying to be in them in the first place, and try to gain a better relationship with your grandchild, his mother, and your son.