[1234AAA]

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Since being married, I sometimes experience pain following intercourse, especially after having been on top. Prior to our marriage I never had unprotected sex, however my husband did. I talked with my doctor, and just in case I had her check for herpes, syphilis, AIDS, gonorrhea, chlamydia, PID, and HPV. All the tests returned negative. I have had several conversations with my husband asking him to not ejaculate inside of me. However he will not listen. He tells me I ask him to pull out too late, even though he is aware that I do not want him doing it in the first place. I have asked him several times if we could just use condoms, however he simply refuses.

Although I am an average sized woman, I have always been rather small down there. My husband is somewhat amused by this, as he is well endowed. My husband's penis is quite unique in that it is shaped a lot like the letter J or the letter U. I love this about him; it's different, I like it a lot. I have asked the doctors if they thought the shape of my husband's penis could be the problem, and they said absolutely not. They said the female and male sexual organs, even erect, are quite flexible. I have no choice except to believe them, as I have been with men who were... shall I say, more endowed than my husband, with little to no pain afterwards, other than what was anticipated.

Now, whenever my husband wants sex, I want to run away. I have refused him in the past, however, he just waits until I fall asleep and forces himself on me. It should not be this way. Sex is important to him and to our marriage; and it used to be important to me.

I saw a program on TV yesterday where a woman claimed she was allergic to her husband's sperm. Has anyone ever heard of someone being allergic to sperm? Does this really happen? Could this be the problem? Has anyone else experienced a situation like this?

[Synnen]

Whoa... back up.

"Forces himself on you" is RAPE, whether you're married.

The entire tone of your question suggests to me that your relationship is not a healthy one. Have you spoken to your doctor about your relationship at all?

[svatnsdal]

Woman, you have got to kick your husband out! It doesn't matter if you are married or not, if you say no, the answer is no. He has no right forcing himself on you, that is rape!
To me it sounds like he is just into you for your sex. He doesn't seem to be a very good man, he has no care in your feelings and what you like and don't like.
You have every right to refuse sex without a condom! You have every right to say no, and if he still forces himself on you, you phone the police and charge him.
I think you should just kick him out until he learns how what he did is wrong!

[1234AAA]

Yes, I have talked to my doctor, and so has my husband. We dealt with the issue of force in the past. This has not happened in a long time and my husband has seen the err of his ways. She however agrees with him in that I almost want something to be wrong, which I don't, I just know something is. She asked me how I would feel if he constantly accused me of giving him a disease. She thinks I put a tremendous amount of pressure on him. Maybe I do, but I have good reason. This makes you right in the fact that this is not a healthy relationship.

Most of my problem I believe stems from the fact that my brother had AIDS. He did not die from AIDS, but had it when he died. I thought I learned something from his death, but now I have to accept I learned nothing. Who wants to think that the first time in life they let their guard down, (i.e. had sex without a condom,) they got something. Sometimes it is what it is. People tend to shy away from things they know are going to hurt. It is like going to the dentist. You know it is going to hurt so you don't want to go. This feels the same way. I know ultimately if I left my husband, any other man is only going to want the same thing. Really, is there a man who wants a relationship and doesn't want sex?

[MOWERMAN2468]

Get rid of the jerk, he is raping you if he is forcing you to have sex when you don't want to have sex. A divorce attorney is just a waiting for your call. You would get what ever you wanted out of the deal, I do believe. And yes, there is such a thing as a sperm allergy.

[Synnen]

Whoa... I see a LOT of issues here.

Your husband is raping you, and you have no trust in him.

Seriously---counseling is in order. For BOTH of you. You need a lot more help than an internet board could give.

[1234AAA]

You're right. I have major trust issues. It's true, I don't trust my husband however I don't trust anyone!

[Choux]

As the physicans on Oprah said, an allergy to sperm is extremely rare, and people try to convince their partner they are allergic to their partner in some way to satisfy an ulterior motive of some kind. Remember the man who said his wife gave him small red bumps on his skin? A blind study experiment was done and showed that when he didn't know his wife's hands were on him, he *didn't* get the red bumps!!

Anyway, are you saying that your husband is raping you?

[J_9]

Oprah? Really? That is your source?

Allergies to sperm are not as rare as one would think.

However, I do tend to agree with EVERYONE here... this is rape, you need to get out and get some counseling.

[Choux]

Prominent PHYSICIANS appeared on Oprah, as I said. What better source? Sperm allergy is uncommon.

[Fr_Chuck]

Iam sorry both sides seem to have serorious mental health issues, that both need more help than a medical doctor can do.

She has all sort of mental issues about sex, all of the AIDS and other issues that don't exist, named over and over in posts, along with other things.

And his forcing,

They need either mental health counseling or maybe on the Jerry Springer show

[1234AAA]

I agree, the physicians said the allergy was rare. However I do have several other rare food, environmental and chemical allergies. It would not be too far fetched to consider a sperm allergy. The doctors only stumbled upon the other allergies by way of my request for the tests. I have been through the gamut with the doctors and all their tests, but they nor I ever considered a sperm allergy. I would hate to think that this much damage has been done to my marriage because of an allergy. I have received a few posts indicating that sperm allergies do exist, at least within the general population. So, thanks to those of you for responding to the question, not the text. I realize sometimes these posts do get off track. Next time I'll be more direct.

[Alan90]

Im not going to go into your relationship as there is nothing I can really say.

But a sperm allergy could be likely have you tested it on your skin? It might feel weird but it could be a way to find out.

My girlfriend has a slight allergy to my sperm, if it gets on her skin she comes out in a rash. Its not painful or itchy or anything like that but there could be different levels to a sperm allergy?

[J_9]

Just an FYI, I have several friends who are allergic to their husband's sperm and are still happily married.

[1234AAA]

Just an FYI, I have several friends who are allergic to their husband's sperm and are still happily married.

I admit, having the knowledge of the allergy probably would have allowed us the opportunity to maintain a healthy relationship. It's the not knowing that caused the most damage to us as a couple.

At least your friends know what, or who, they are allergic to. How did they confirm the diagnosis anyhow? What did they do about it afterwards?

My physician prescribed Macrobid post copulation. Is this really the answer?

[J_9]

I am not sure how the diagnosis was made, that was a few years ago and I have fallen out of touch with these gals, but they resolved it by using condoms.

[angeltrs]

I must say that I too was in your situation. My husband raped me when I was asleep. I have sleep apnea and wake up many times during the night. I wake up so much that I don't know that I wake up. I was told I only wake up long enough to gasp for air then I'm out again. He said that he would ask and I would say yes but not being fully awake I would never know. He would also wait until I would take my pain meds and wait till I fell asleep. We have since been to counseling and have worked things out. He knows and understands now how wrong he had been and he doesn't touch me below the waist after I have fallen asleep. The pain you are having I'd like to address too. While I have no medical knowledge I can only tell you that from my experience that I was so hurt from what my husband did that my body was responding to it. I hurt during and after sex when I consented. It seems to me that my body was feeling what I wasn't able to emotionally express. I'm in no way saying this is what you are experiencing but you may want to look into it. I also had a similar pain happen when I was 13 because I was raped at that age too by a boyfriend. (unfortunately I wasn't good at healthy relationships) I even had to have exploratory surgery to see what was going on with my abdomen.. but nothing was found. Seems my body was expressing what I could not. I hope this helps, you may need to see if you have really expressed what you are feeling with a professional. I feel for you, its really painful to be betrayed and used like that, especially someone you love and supposed to trust with your life. Good Luck! ;)

[want_to_know]

Has the doctor checked for a cyst on your ovaries. I add a friend years ago and she had the same problem pain doing and after sex and her ob/gyn said she was fine. A couple of years past and she saw another doc and that doc caught it immediately. Oh and by waiting long she did experience a little pain in one leg to upper thigh. Hope this helps. Just a possibility.

[smokedetector]

Just throwing this out there, but it also could be something he eats regularly. Diet can effect sperm in different ways. You might try cleaning up really well right after sex and see if it helps. As far as your relationship, well that wasn't really your question, so no comments there. Best of luck.