[mishiree]

I have been a self mutilator for about 10 years (I'm 22), I have been married for 17 months and have not cut myself since a little while before. I am also 35 weeks pregnant. My husband and I barely have a relationship because all he does is sit on his computer and tonight I caught my husband masturbating to naked women on his computer, and I want to cut SOOOO bad. I would never do anything to harm my baby or my chances of having custody if I do decide to leave him, but how do I make this desire go away? Its like a strong craving and my arms physically itch. I have been to a mental heath facility and they turned me away. I was told my problems were do to an under active thyroid, but my levels have been normal for years. Please help me before I do something stupid and ruin my life even more... :( :confused: :mad:

[Fr_Chuck]

You have several problems that are far beyond the ability of any of us on these boards to help you with.

First you are thinking, you know that cutting will not change any of the problems, only leave you hurt and cut.

First confront your husband and get rid of the computer or put a blocking system on it ( www.bsafehome.com ) is one of them but there are dozens, this will block him from watching porn.

I also found unpluging the computer if they are on it too long will start or bring the issue to a head.

Next you and him need professional counseling, him for his adiction to pron and yours for cutting, and together marriage counseling.

Also if he will not stop the porn, you will be better off raising the child single and getting counseling by yourself than you would with someone that has such little respect and concern for you.

These problems will never get better by huring yourself, they may not get fixed they way you want them to, they may seem worst for a while, b ut you can get though this but please get help.

[AKaeTrue]

I'm sorry to hear this. It's a shame that a mental health clinic would turn you away. Chances are they are uneducated in the field of self mutilation and switch the blame on something they don't handle in their clinic so they don't have to deal with it. You do need help and for the sake of your unborn child get control. Sounds like your already in the right direction by understanding that it does nothing but leave you hurt and scared, and you are brave for asking for help on how to stop the cravings. First things first, become familiar with the disorder and it's causes, Please visit this website.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
As for your husband, talk to him. Find out if he wants your relationship to go forward or not. Sometimes men watching porn is simply an activity they enjoy and does not mean they're a sick'o or that they don't love you. Porn can also be shared between both partners to spice up the relationship. I'm not defending his actions. However, if you say to him "NO PORN", he will more than likely still do it behind your back. Weigh out your options. Would you rather know what he doing and be involved, or have him do it behind your back - just a thought.

[JoeCanada76]

First of all, It is normal for men to masterbate. Some men do get addicted to online porn and when that is interefering with a normal relationship counselling is needed. For you to start cutting your arms to me is a cry for attention from your husband but do you really want negative attention. I know for a fact that everything can be worked out without you doing something stupid again. I have to say that your doing a great job so far and you have controlled yourself so far and you need to think about your baby. Your baby, keep your baby in your mind always and that itch will go away. You and your husband need to work out some things and defiantly both of you need counselling. Joe

[mishiree]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I took the cords from the computers this morning, as the porn is not his addiction , the computer is. But after a few hours and asking him what was more important, well the computers are back on. (we have 2 because he's on ALL the time and so to compromise, he bought another.). He is very neglectful toward me and I can't stay with a baby and do it on my own. I am planning to move back home (hes military and we are 1200 miles from everyone I know) after the baby is born. He won't talk to me so I told him we were leaving and I guess he's fine with it. I am more angry now than depressed because I'm the one who has to tell my daughter we had to leave and expect her to understand without hating me. He tells me he loves me but I know he doesn't. As for the cutting, the urge is not a constant and not as strong, I have learned to deal with it pretty well in the past few years. But I still hate feeling that way. If I go to get help will they try to take my baby away? That is really all I am afraid of. I've always been willing to get help, but now I'm afraid of losing my baby.

[lilfyre's lil girl]

Hello there,
I kind of know what your going through right now. I'm 14 I've been cutting for about two or three years now. I have been in the hospital once for cutting and low self-esteem. I've been to at lest 10 different doctors none have really helped me I've more or less helped myself more then they have. I have been to at lest one or two good doctors that have helped me a little.
You sound just like me I cut when I'm really upset or confused about something. Sometimes what I try to do is not to think about the issue as much. If I have to think about it I try to find the positives in it. There is always something positive in everything and everyone even if you don't think there is. Now I don't think I'm very good at helping people out like this but my mom showed me your question and I wanted to help you out as much as I could. For one thing I know not many people understand why we cut and the things they say sometimes can be very hurtful and for another thing I like to hear when people are going through the samethings I am or they think the some way I do. It makes me feel a little more normal. "what ever normal may be"

[mishiree]

Lilfyre's little girl, I really appreciate your comment. I know when I was 14 there was no one in the world for me to talk to and everyone thought I was crazy and just trying to kill myself. I'm really happy you think about the positive in things when you feel like cutting. It is something not many people understand and I have only came across one other person who did it. I am over the actual cutting (only took 9 years) but it's the craving and the urge to do it that really bothers me now. I just hate feeling that way! Thank you again for letting me know I am not alone!

[lilfyre's lil girl]

Yup anytime if you ever need someone to talk to you can add me to Yahoo or aim. So feel free to IM me I'm on most of the time.

[valgal]

If you get a psyciatrist, everything you tell them is completely confidential. They are not permitted to tell any one your situation unless they think you are going to kill yourself or someone else. If you want to join a support group that would probably help also.

[Wise_For_My_Age]

I know from experience what cutting is like. Luckily, I have many wonderful people in my life who are there to support me, and I want to be there to support you too. What you should do first is seek the help from a councilor, I find that talking out what's wrong to an impartial person helps me a lot, and they are not allowed to say anything to anyone about what you told them, unless yourself or another's life is in danger.

You should confront your husband about what he did, sit down with him and talk about why he did it, and if there is anything that could be done to prevent it. I also agree with FR_Chuck: you should block the por, but only with permission. However: unplugging the computer or doing anything too subtle may make him angry, and result in conflict.

I hope this helps, and good luck to you and your new family. :)

[JudyKayTee]

This is from 2006 - the person who asked has not been back.

Please keep an eye on the dates. There are more recent threads which could use your input.