[ElaineT]

:) I am new here, I am 60 years old and have 3 grown children. I divorced after 28 years. My daughter was very upset over it, her father told her he would give her our home if she would stay. But I said no, you have brothers, I will let you all 3 have it, but not just one. She left and I bought my share of the house later. My daughter gave her 3 children away, she was not stable enough to handle them she said. She has 2 of them about 500 miles away form me, she has had no contact with me for over 10 years now. The other day she called me. I found out she wantes a picture of her son she left here with their other grandparents who will not let her see or talk to her son. So she ask me if I could get a picture of him, I ask a friend to get the picture from last years school book for me. The son is 19 now and graduates this year. My daughter and I have not go along sense her father and I split. She said in our yard and helped her father and step mother to be, sell everything in the house, even things that belonged to my Mother that they would not let me have. I also have one handicap son, they kept away form me would not tell me where he was, but God saw that one day I could see him, now he is with me and has been for about 13 years. When I ask for my grandauthers screen name on the computer she would not give it to me.
So I don't know what to do. She says she is coming to see me. And all I can do is question it. I need help.:)

[fredg]

Hi, Elaine,
I am 64, married now for 29 yrs, with 3 children grown and moved away, one of them married with a grandson.
Your comments left me a little confused, but that's normal for me! I stay confused.
If you mean that your daughter who hasn't spoken to you for years, and caused you all the problems in earlier years, now wants something from you, I would be very hesitant to even see her again. This is something your 19 yr old son would need to work out for himself.
If I have misunderstood, I am sorry. Many families have problems that do not need to be brought up again, after many years. I think you will be much better off, not even seeing your daughter, and going through a "bunch of stuff" again. I do wish you the best.

[ElaineT]

Yes for 10 years she did not let me know if she was dead or alive. When the hurricanes hit south Florida, I could only worrie about her and the kids, knowning that that is where they were the last a friend of mine knew. But when I hear from her she is in Ohio. She met the man on computer, she tells me my grandaughter that she kept away form me is married and she want give me her screen name, or anything. She sent me pictures of her wedding that no one thought of asking me if I would like to come. Now I am on oxygen 24/7. I don't need anymore hurt. My boys and I had gotten use to not hearing form them. Then she also tells me her daughter my only grandaugher married a man she met on computer... I just feel that I can not trust her. She has had nothing to do with the son that lives in the same town that I do. She has not talked to him or wrote him, he was 8 when she left, now he is 18.

[ElaineT]

We all wanted to know she was OK, but none of us are really ready to see her. She mistreated her handicap brother. When my Mother was sick and dying ,I called her to tell her, she said I was lyning, tryning to trick her into coming back here.. I told her I never stoop that low for anyone. My Mother dies 3 days later, she never came or called even though I called and left message that her grandmother had died. I have never had anyone to talk to about any of this, and it has stayed bottled up inside me all theses years.

[CaptainForest]

Sounds like you still are mad at her and have no interest to see her.

So don't. Tell her you refuse to see her. If she shows up at your door, don't open it (look through the window) and tell her to leave. If she doesn't, call the police. Something tells me it won't be the first time someone has called the cops on her.

[giggles]

My heart goes out to you. I hope you can try and ellicit a time and date for her arrival. Pre-empt it: tell her not to come at all. Its obviously too distressing for you. And she has a cheek just showing up because she wants to without acknowledging all the pain she has caused over the years. Ask a friend or relative to stay with you in the house, so if she arrives you can get rid of her effectively.
If she is serious about coming to see you, and if you want to see her, talk to her about it first. On the phone, in a neutral place (you could meet for a coffee somewhere where she is less likely to get out of control)
Honestly, I found your letter pretty hard to understand and to read. So I'm not sure exactly what you're asking about. But it sounds like your daughter is causing you a lot of hurt. So be careful before you put yourself in the position to receive it again. Good luck x

[augustknight]

Hello Elaine, I'm 53 with two boys in college. Welcome. When I read your story I certainly get the sense that your daughter had given up on you and the rest of the family. What I don't understand is her sudden interest in making contact. That is what you have to find out. Is she truly trying to re establish a relationship or is she coming back to hurt you more? As a mother I sense that you have some feelings still. So instead of reading too much into it and trying to figure every angle, bring it down to that one question. Ask her. Straight out. Are you here to hurt or to heal? And if that makes her angry, than you have your answer.

[nwsflash]

I'm sorry to hear of the all the stuff that has been going on... It sounds like there is a lot of anger on both sides that is still burning very deep.

At your grandsons age now he is old enuff to make his mind up regards seeing his real mother our not that's his call ! He may want to see her so he can deal with some of the questions he has or he maybe like screw her and don't want to know that's her issue not yours !

If you are willing to make this meet with her, don't do it at home find a place that you can both meet that's not going to effect either of you, and I would also say why don't you take a close friend or family member with you also so they can build a picture of what's going down??

You also need to see someone about all these feelings that you are keeping locked up inside you, as this is no good for you also...

I guess the question is are you willing to see her?? Are you ready for hurt if that's what she's about?? Are you ready for closure if that what she wants??

I hope it all turns out OK for you.