[varkania]

First of all, thank you to anybody who replies to this message, I really appreciate any advice or words of wisdom.


Last week my girlfriend of 4 months told me that she thought we should take a break in our relationship in order to save it. Here's the story:

We meet back in November, after I had been separated two months from my ex. The story she tells me is that she fell in love with me quickly. She ended up telling all her friends about me, and they soon discovered that I was still listed as being in a 'complicated' relationship with my ex (which I removed soon as I realized I hadn't changed.) on Facebook.

At that time I was living in my own apt, but moved back into my house that I had with my ex during xmas time (she was moving out but it just so happened that I had to spend a week there while she was living there as well). Now, I didn't realize that (until she told me much later) that she was going crazy over the holidays knowing I was there. I understand this now, and feel terrible but she had nothing to worry about.

This caused her to raise some protective barriers. Time goes on, I'm living by myself but I still have baggage to clean up (sell the house, etc). She becomes a little resentful and bitter towards me and I sensed her change in attitude back in February.

She explained this to me two weeks ago when I asked her what was going on. I regret that we met when I had so much baggage in my life that I had to get rid of, but I can't change that. But the fact is I'm now deeply in love with this girl.

I understand her feelings, and what has happened. She told me that we had reached a fork in our relationship and either could stay together and probably end breaking up in the near future, or we could take a break while I get my life in order, get my own place (not co-owned with the ex), and then start fresh. Whether this be two or three months, didn't matter.

So now, I COMPLETELY understand her point of view, and I appreciate the fact that she wants to do this so that we can have any sort of future. Yet, I'm terrified I'm going to lose her. We've agreed to minimal communication in order for her to 'miss' me in her life and hopefully rekindle the feelings of romance.

I'm working now to sell my house and get in a new place so I can have her over for dinner. But this sudden lack of communication and not knowing if she'll be there when I'm ready scares me. I love her so much that I'm barely making it through each day. How do I survive 6 weeks... 2 months..?

I'm trying to be strong, I haven't initiated any conversation with her but she has checked in with me a couple of times to congratulate me on things I'm doing in my life. I think if she wanted to break up with me I'm assuming that she wouldn't talk to me at all. So I'm holding on to hope. She told me her feelings had changed towards me and she was angry about some of the ghosts I still had and that a break was the only way for her to heal and possibly us to become a couple again. She also told me she believed that our relationship was worth fighting for.

But the waiting is killing me. What happens if I stay strong and go through all this and she doesn't want me in the end, or 6 weeks isn't long enough for her? I don't know if I can bear it.

Any advice??

Sorry for the long letter.

G.

[Sarah48375]

You have to keep yourself busy. The truth is that she may never rekindle those feelings she once had for you. Sometimes couples can make it through a break. Focus on bettering yourself and the things you need to get done. Think about What have you learned from this experience? How will you keep this from happening again? The most important thing in the end (whether you are still together or not) is what you learned. How will you be a better partner in the future? Do you need better communication, trust, honesty? Whatever it is, take this time to figure it out. So if and when things work out, you can talk with her about the things you've figured out. She may just be impressed that you cared enough to think about it thoroughly. I know I would.

[varkania]

I guess my issue now is that I'm having a very hard time imagining being with anyone else. She has everything I want in a partner, and I don't want to lose her. This is the ONLY reason I agreed to the break, because I know that there wouldn't be a chance anyway else and I'm hoping she'll that what I'm doing is for her and for us as a couple.

I long to send her messages, but I'm holding back as I know that'll just push her away even more. I'm just hoping she'll miss what I bring into her life, and not just get used to the fact that I'm not there anymore.

So, I'm using that as my strength. That things will work out as long as I do my part and the things she asked for a fresh start.

I've learned, however, that if in the future I'm dating to make sure I'm completely baggage free.

[Sarah48375]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but you're doing the right thing. I understand the fear of her getting comfortable without you, but if she wants to fight for the relationship as she says, she won't get comfortable. She'll miss you as much as you miss her. You both just want what's best.

[Unregistered]

Thanks for the encouragement Sarah. I know that if we are meant to be together it will work out. It's just tough facing the unknown. IF anything, I think this should really prove to her that I'm committed to our relationship and willing to do whatever is necessary to keep it alive.