[jyotigill72]

My 11 yr old son lies cheats & steal.
I don't understand why though we provide him with best since childhood,
He can't control his facination for things.

[Mom of 2]

A person does not do these things unless there is an underlying reason. Has there been recent family trauma, i.e. divorce, death, abuse (verbal, physical, sexual)? Does your child have special needs, i.e. learning disability, ADD, ADHD, etc. How long has this been going on or has this just recently happened? Is there any family history of depression in your family or in your child's father's family? Is this happening at school or at home or both? Have you tried talking to him about this? If so, how did you go about it and what was his reaction(s)?

I know that these are a lot of questions to pose to you, but in order to give good advice, you need to provide as much information as you can, as there are a lot of reasons for why people do certain things.

Bottom line, your child needs to understand that this is wrong and that there are consequences for actions. There are a myriad of ways to go about doing this in order for your son to really learn his lesson about this. Something's work for some people but not others.

I know that this post does not help you, but in order for us to help you, you need to provide more information about your specific situation. Don't worry, no one will judge you and you are totally anonymous. There is no way that anyone will figure out who you are, etc.

[HarajukuGirl]

Well...

1. Could be a phase

2. Could be a physiological issue

Believe it or not most criminals are the people who did not recive enough attention from there family, giving a child items he/she wants won't help, they need love and attention, if you are the type of family hwo are constantly out and about at work, or just busy then sometime the kid can be a little discouraged and do weird things.

If he lies, get used to it, lol in a perfect world our children won't lie.
He is 11, everbody lies about stuff, but it depends what he is lying about.

I would suggest talking to him, not telling him OH its bad, ask him WHY, find out WHY does he do this, why does he steal?

Also, a physcologist may be good.

There can also be a nubmer of things causing it
Such as his friends, infleunces off the TV, things he reads, storys he hears from others.
So be careful who his outside sources are.

I woudlnt worry, because when were yougn we all did stupid things, but we learn right from wrong eventually.

If he is just stealing because he WANTS soemthing, other then needing it, just because he wans it and lieks it, you as the parent have to explain wanting and needing.

If he is spoiled that can be an issue too, for him wanting and wanting more, to the point where he gets it on his own and steals.
So explaining him the diffrence between WANTINg and NEEDING can help...

But like I said, he is a young boy, there confusing haha.

Good luck with him : )

[Simplyimpossible]

As a father of 4 children I will give you my two cents worth. First my children are 11, 5, 3 and 2. I have noticed that my kids tend to act up and cause mischief when my wife and I have problems. If we have issues between us where we are not talking to each other or if we are arguing our children start to act out. One of the side effects for our 11 year old is lying. I think that part of it comes from him wanting to escape the tension of the household so he makes up things to comfort himself. That can lead to lying to others as well. Just my thoughts

[JBeaucaire]

Guys are creatures of habit, too. If he has nothing else to focus on, these behaviors become his "fun" and he will develop the habit.

Find a BUNCH of things to get him involved in, things that have some inherent goodness teaching within them. Like... scouting, organized sports, karate/judo/tai kwan do, piano lessons/drums, hiking/mountain climbing.

And about that outdoors thing, you might be able to "invest" in some good behaviors. Buy an ATV, R/C plane or a scooter and name the scooter "Never Steals". As long as he "never steals", the scooter stays and you guys use it a LOT.

Scooter - "Never Steals"
R/C Plane - "Never Lies"
TV Set - "Did His Chores"
Allowance - "Helped His Family This Week" (not the same as chores)

Giving things NAMES like this makes the situation very clear to young boys.

[Mom of 2]

I would be careful of continuing to buy things for your son for the mere fact of making up for something that might be lacking. However, to buy something for your son as a reward for good behavior is fine.

The one thing that you have to keep in mind when it comes to young boys (and this could apply to young girls as well) is that attention is attention. If they do good things, they will get attention. If they do bad things, they are still getting attention. Catch them doing good, no matter how small it is. When my kids talk to each other in an appropriate manner, I tell them, "Wow, what a wonderful way to talk to eachother. I am so proud of you for speaking to your brother/sister in such a mature manner. Good job!!!" I then reward them in some way. Never recognizing the good behavior and always reprimanding the bad behavior is not the way to go with kids. Again, all kids seek attention and they don't care if it is good or bad attention.

[MrsBekah]

I too have a daughter who steals. I'm cruising through these questions seeking help myself. In reading some of these different questions and answers I begin to wonder if this is a thing that can actually be passed on through genetics. That does seem a tad off the wall but so is being gay. Are they born that way or do they just decide to be. I think it can go either way, but I'm thinking more and more it's a possibility. My daughter's father was a clepto. He couldn't help himself. He would steal things not because he wanted or needed them but simply to see if he could. My daughter is 10 years old, very intelligent, very beautiful and loved by many. Since she was 5, she began taking things that did not belong to her, It has happened several times since. She has taken jewlery from me, money from my mother and just today My husband and I found out she stole money from us. Just the change and ones stash many of us have. But she has also taken things from school such as claiming something in lost-and-found as hers knowing full well it was not. She has even taken a mouth piece for an instrument, and when discovered, told the teacher it was mine. Her father has been indisposed I guess is the best way to put it since she was 5. He hasn't called, sent a birthday card, nothing. No response, no contact. Just gone. I also have a son who is 16. He doesn't steal and rarely lies. My husband to be has been in there lives for the last 7 years. Disrespect and dishonesty are not tolerated in our household. She does not hang out with anyone who has this same habit. And was too young to have actually learned this from her father. So please tell me where could this come from if not genetics. I realize some people steal because they choose to. Some learn by example. Where else could my precious little girl have gotten this heart breaking habit? I don't know where to go from here. I have stripped her room of all fun and grounded her for a month. There is no lack of discipline here. We have used every form. I don't mean to answer a question with another question. But perhaps someone can provide an answer that will help us both.

[pumpkinspice4]

I have a promblem with my 11 year old brother he is always stealing food.. but only the sweets he has a big problem with lying to my parents about it.. he always says I don't know about everything... weve tried everything we can and nothing has worked... can someone pleases tell me what to do about it