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young grandma · Mar 29, 2008, 03:08 PM

What is the proper procedure? When my son's "so-called" daughter was 5, he received papers saying he was going to court for child support. How can they prove the child was his? A paternity test~ right? This girl could not receive WIC or other support because she earned too much at her job since the baby was 1 1/2 years old. She was making about $17 an hour at a job that usually requires a high school diploma and college experience. She was a lucky 10th grade drop out and wanted a baby because all her 16 year old friends were having them. Anyhow... she missed the court date, he showed up and she had forgotten. She was not penalized and was able to get a caseworker meeting to determine support without looking at his daily living expenses, child support for two other children. This child gets more than the first two now and he barely has anything left to survive or pay his bills and shelter. This child's mom claims that her new husband is the baby's "dad" and pays for her, too, and has all the rights and say of when she can visit or whom she can visit, so they do not go by visitation schedule. Also, the caseworker had called my son and told him that she worked it out that he could see his daughter from Friday to Sunday night each weekend. When he told his ex-girlfriend this, she promised him she'd allow his to see his daughter a little more if he didn't OK this. He would only be able to see her when her in-laws or family didn't have her and it would be for one day. His daughter lives 40 minutes away from him. NOW, yesterday he received a call from his ex-girlfriend telling him they were moving 6 hours away and he could only see her one weekend a month. He can't even afford the gas there and back and on top of that stay at a hotel for the weekend. What can he do? We love this little girl, and my son loves her very much, but the law and this girl have been against him since her plans of using him to have a "doll" like her friends. Now, he has to suffer the loss of his daughter moving away and may not even be able to go see her, but yet she'll start something about him NOT going the distance. Help~ I am so upset and sad for my son and for my family not being able to be close to our little angel.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 29, 2008, 04:13 PM

When did they go to court and get a custody order and get visitation orders.

I will assume your son did not object, file a motion that he was not the child's father?? Where was your sons attorney during all of this ?

It sounds like he merely accepted the fact he was the father, did not object to that.

cdad · Mar 29, 2008, 07:50 PM

I agree with Fr_Chuck. You really need the facts and also a copy of the birth certificate. If his name isn't on it then he shouldn't be paying her anything but placing it in trust until the matter is settled. That way he doesn't start with arrears hanging around his neck. But the courts MUST have orders in place to collect and he MUST have court orders in place for visitation or he's doing a lot of nothing for nothing that could bring major heartbreak.

young grandma · Mar 30, 2008, 05:12 PM

Thanks for your answers. My son's name IS NOT on the birth certificate. He broke up with a girlfriend to get back together with the mother of this child "to do the right thing". When the baby was born and he filled out the birth certificate, she hid it because one of her aunt's told her not to put his name on the birth certificate. Her mother and my mother were in the room at the time. Before she had a job, she needed assistance, so they needed her birth certificate. It said " Baby ? ?", her mother's name, so she asked me if I could take her back to the hospital to fill out another one. I did, and I offered to pay the $25 since it was "lost" at birth and mail it. She refused. Well... a few years past and I needed a copy of my son's birth certificate and called and asked about my granddaughter's. They weren't supposed to tell me, but the lady looked it up anyway. Same "Baby ? ?"

Anyhow... yes... my son is a good person and did not object. He loves this little girl whether it is his flesh and blood. I just think it is unfair that IF she was not, that he have to go through all the pain and verbal-abuse this mother has caused him. We'd give anything to her, but a test JUST WOULD MEAN A LOT. And this mom does not let him see her his every other weekends AND IS NOW MOVING and told him he can only see her once a month.

No... it was not court because she did not show up and it ended up being with a CASEWORKER. How can this be? How can this caseworker be the judge? And not look at his living expenses, bills, other court-ordered child support costs, etc? No attorney, so he doesn't know what else to do to fight for his rights to see his daughter.

I know the law is FOR THE WOMAN with child and needing food, formula and clothing and a roof over the child's head. But for 4 years, my husband and I raised this little girl, paid for her formula, food, diapers, toys , clothes, loving care... sometimes for many nights over because she would have to wash her clothes or wanted to be with her friends, etc. Never a thank you or offering to buy diapers, formula, etc... she was not ready to be a mom but wanted a child because her high school friend were having them like rabbits and my son had told her not until they graduated and had jobs. Her mom had her ON THE PILL, too, and supplied condoms to all the neighborhood kids... I remember before she conceived, she had asked me "what would you do if I got pregnant?" My son in the back ground telling her he was not ready and don't think about it, let's finish school and get good jobs. All I could say is " I think you should finish school, get good jobs but I lost my fun years because I had? when I was 17 turning 18 and wish I could have had my fun years first".

Anyhow... we wish we knew what we can do for our son since he cannot afford an attorney to help him be able to see her his weekends, lower his payments for all three (the other two are being raised by grandparents, too~ the mom's are still going out with different guys)

Sorry to go on and on y'all. It really bothers me. This girl is manipulative, cold-hearted (she let's the new step-parents have our granddaughter whenever but now, we are second-string and NEVER get to have her overnight anymore), and has bullied me online and through emails in which she shows, my defending myself to her harsh words and cruelty, to her family and friends. It has depressed me for 6 years. Y'all, I took her to her pre/post natal visits, well/sick baby visits (even paid for them), was daycare for free for 4 years and I am treated like I OVER-STEPPED my boundaries and she verbally-abuses my son on myspace and I believe child support, etc is very personal and private and names should not be public advertising. Ahhhh... here I go again.Sorry.

Thanks for the ear and advice!