[mehllo]

I've been dating a man for 9 months now. Things were always a little weird (he wouldn't always answer his calls, sometimes he would leave at 3am instead of staying all night, etc.), but he always charmed his way out of it when I was angry. Lately he stays with me most nights and has been really sweet, even though I pay for everything and he drinks way too much.

He always told me that he lived with his friends Jenny and Mike, who were married. I had even met Jenny, but never Mike. Last night I had dinner with Jenny (my boyfriend doesn't know), and found out that my boyfriend and Jenny have been dating and living together for 3 years. He told her that I was his friend's girlfriend. Basically he's been dating both of us, and constructed lies so elaborate that I can't believe he got away with it for so long.

He has stolen over $30,000 from her through identity theft. He's already used two of my credit cards, but I didn't want to believe it was him. He doesn't seem to care about how badly he hurts people. We suspect that he has even more girls on the side. I have to go get tested, because I have no idea who he's been sleeping with.

Jenny kicked him out, and wrote me an email telling me. That day he used my car to pick up his stuff, then just told me it was some stuff from storage he wanted to go through. But of course it's all at my house.

Worst of all, she said that if you confront him and are nice, he'll deny everything, but if you confront him and are firm, he gets violent. I've never seen him get violent, but she said he's pushed her, choked her, and swung stuff at her head. Now I'm scared. I don't know how to get away from him. I still care about him, and the illusion that he's set up is so great. But I realize it's just that - an illusion. I have to talk to him, and I'm going to do it in a public place. But what about after that? He'll have to come get stuff from my house, and I'll be alone with him. I don't want to be scared of him. This is all so crazy. I'm scared and confused - help, please?

[oneguyinohio]

Go to the police. Get a restraining order. Say you are afraid. Have someone with you when he comes to get his stuff. He may or may not retalliate against you. I am only basing my comments on what you have written.

Being alone with him is not wise since you do not feel safe. Consider moving or whatever you need to do to get out and stay clear if that is what you wish to do. Otherwise, you may see the side of him she told you about.

[talaniman]

Getting the police involved is a good idea, and any other support you can get. He needs to be out of your life.

[HistorianChick]

Request an officer to come to your home when you are going to confront him. Having a uniform there, present, when you speak with him will help him know that you mean business. I'd suggest a restraining order as well, that way, if he does attempt contact after he leaves your house (when you tell him to go and take his stuff - in the presence of an officer) you will be protected.

This isn't something that you want to mess with. I am sincerely sorry that you have become involved in something like this. You deserve better, sweetie.

Good luck, get that officer involved, and take control of your life - don't give him your power! :)

[tranquel]

Don't you dare think thoughts of "consideration for him,or what he will do without a place to live,or hold yourself back thinking how he will feel,or catch yourself thinking he could't be so bad he just needs someone to understand him,or that you can teach him"none of these can happen for something like him. Don't listen to his sob storry or try to make sense of it for him and what he can do.

Be prepared for him saying the ex-girlfriend is crazy,she is not.thats just him telling you what you need to hear.be very cautious of yourself be on the pill to keep you he may try to get you pregnant ,that won't make him any different.He may look human but I can assure you as Sociopath,even a Narcicist.Simply do not posses human characteristics we hold dear.To leave a sociopath you need to act like one.Yes you can.You should pack up all he owns in your house preferably after your able to get your keys off his key link while he sleeps,If not you'll need a locksmith to change locks.Take the day off work to pack his stuff inform the police you'll require their assistance back it up with a restraining order to keep him away served by the police, reason ending relationship no shared assets

And to prohibit yourself from pysical harm from any action of (boyfriend name).Now with police present you must be firm and yes cold to ex don't be swayed it will show him a weakness you have which he will exploit again.Remember you don't have to give any reason so don't .Be strong don't share with him what you think,or why.Say only ,to his questioning "oh because,it is what it is.Its you + me=not working oh well ,you need to get over it.We both can do better.
You need to act like a sociopath. I know its strange but this he'll respect.be clear of your boundaries to yourself and to him.
Dissasociate yourself from the allure that comes from a proposal or engagement ring from him it does not have the same meaning at all for him as you would think such gestures should.It would merely be a pawn a device for him to get a willing partisapent in his game of manipulation causing emotional havack ,possibly physical.
He doesn't appreciate you as the unique beautiful person you are .You can never understand that and there is no anwer for why.A sociopath is an anomaly of the human existance.A book to read later,not now ,you dont have the time is called "The sociopath next Door."
I speak from experience and hope to spare you of the grief that I had to endure.Years can slip away in the blink of an eye and you'll question yourself ,how did my life get so off track.We only get this one life don't let it be manipulated

[JenniLee]

Girl, run away... far far away! Leave his stuff with a trusted male friend... or have friends come over when he picks up his stuff. Trust me, if she says he hits, it's probably true. One thing about an sociopath/abuser is that they hide it well from the outside world. They can be so charming (manipulation and lies). They are usually liked well by others and many do not see their outlandish behaviors (their deep dark secrets). It is also common for an abuser to be nice when they think they can manipulate their way out of a situation and to become violent when discovered undoubtedly. A sociopath is liable to kill, please don't put yourself in that situation. And toss that care out that window. He will never be capable of truly caring about you... it's a waste of perfectly good care on your behalf. My bestest best advice, educate yourself about sociopaths (google). This way you will see one coming from a mile away and you will not be blind sighted by their manipulative ways.

I agree with tranquel. You HAVE TO BE completely careless towards a sociopath... it's who they are, so you won't really hurt them (technically they feel little to no emotion). Unless you're sociopath is a great actor, you will not see a genuine tear. Don't fall for anything... don't listen to him. It's like being hypnotized, they will capture you and keep you for many years of torment (I have 7 years of experience myself). My sociopath actually agreed he's a sociopath and could care less if he is or not, that's when I knew it was time to leave.