[bigangel7]

:confused: I have A Very serious questions and need help please! My birth mother just told me some information about my birth father after 3 yrs of me knowing her.. she finally told me that he was told I was still born and that he doesn't know I even exist... if I were to find him 29 yrs later.. could she still get in trouble for what she told him 29 yrs ago?

[washeju]

I'm confused. What I think I understand is that you were adopted out and recently reconnected with your birth mother. You learned from your birth mother that she told your biological father that you were still born and you want to know if your mother could be prosecuted for lying to him?

If that is your question, I am not a lawyer but I couldn't see how she could get in to any trouble even if he found out one year later. It was your biological fathers responsibility to follow up and verify. If he did not do so he is the only one to blame.

[Synnen]

I have no idea if she could get into trouble or not. She would have to check with a lawyer in the state you are in.

washeju--actually, if it were a year later, she could get into quite a bit of trouble. If he finds out the child was NOT stillborn, he can null and void an adoption and sue for custody of the child. The birthmother, having already signed her rights away, would have NO legal right to her child if that happened, and the birth father could raise the child on his own---collecting child support from her, in some cases, because parental rights and parental obligations are two different things.

Also, though it usually does not happen--he COULD sue her in civil court for it, because HE has parental rights just as strong as hers.

Lying to the birth father and THEN lying in court (which is perjury) about the status of a child and whether the birthfather actually knows about the child can have serious consequences in the end.

While it's a different situation if the adoptee is grown, as in this case, I did want to point out those fallacies because we do NOT want to encourage young mothers to LIE to be able to place their child for adoption.

Birth fathers have rights too.

[washeju]

If the birth father did not do the research it is not the mothers fault. It's not the moral thing but I have learned that moral is not law. If the mother was not in a court room when she made the statement that the child was stillborn then it is not perjury. The rest is true about canceling the adoption but having to pay child support would not be my definition of getting in trouble.

[N0help4u]

After this long I highly doubt anything could be done to your mother.

[Fr_Chuck]

There is little criminal that she did, maybe lied in court that she tried to contact the father.

It does mean that the adoption was not actually legal and could actually leave you in a serious situation, esp if your adopted ( which is your real family actually since they raised you) but if they were wealthy, if someone proved latter that she lied at the adoption, and the father never signed permission for the adoption they could challenge it.
I would contact a family attorney to look into this

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

More importantly, do you wish to be reunited with your birthfather?
If you do, than speak with a legal aide attorney over the phone to see if there would be any ramifications for your birthmother.
Probably not. Since birthfather's and their feeling's related to the birth of their children and adoption many years ago were unvalued.
On the other hand, today they finally do have a voice. Where they did not before.
I am happy to hear that you are communicating with your birth mother and that she felt comfortable enough to share with you her, secret.
Yet, you need to tread on this with kid gloves.
You do not want to hurt the relationship with her that you have established.
Or cause any negativity or resentment between anyone within your family, adoptive or biological alike.
So communication is the key. Get all of the facts, first.
The legal repercussion's, if any, etc. Before you make a stand either to try to find him or not.
You will also have to take how he and his family may react to the situation. And in the event of contact, his feeling's about being lied to by your birth mother.
And how your adoptive parents may react to the situation.
Most adoptive parents adjust to their child wishing contact with their birth families. Most realize eventually that as an adoptee, your biological roots are necessary to end any confusion with identity in your life and that of your future. And that no matter what, they will always be your parents. And that you are a real family. Most realize finding your biological family does not disable you from loving them and or considering them as Mom and Dad. As an adoptee, you have always been different from the mainstream family where biological parents raise their biological children. And you cannot take on their DNA, for example. Contrary to anyone's belief system. You will always be biologically connected to your first parents. And you will probably always be environmentally and emotionally connected to your adoptive parents.
You may have half siblings out there that wish to know you as well. Or not.
It is a gamble. And for some, worth every minute. Being informed of all responses to a find is also a key to finding a positive outcome in reunion.
It is your journey. It is your search process. It is a personal choice to search or not to search. You will own all of it.
You are an adult now. And should be able to make an informed decision to search for your birth father, or not.
Just as they have every right to embrace you or not.
It is in the best interest of everyone involved to examine all avenues of approach within your search process and keep everyone's best interest at heart.
But, please keep in mind that not everyone will agree with your decision in your Adoption Triad family.
And you may find online those who have their own belief's related to this issue.
If you wish to contact him, and know his name, there is a birthfather contact letter in format that you can use. http://members.tripod.com/rombergers/birthfather.html
You can edit it and make it more individualized to your own information. If you do contact him, he will probably go through a mirage of feeling's. And will react with probable feeling's of resentment towards your birth mother for lying to him about his child.
But speak to a lawyer and see if there could be any legal ramification's beforehand.
Again, get all of the facts together than make your own informed decision.
He may have grieved for you all of his life. And may embrace you.
And if I were you, I would want to know. But I would be careful in my communication with everyone.
Especially, my birth mother. I would not want to risk losing my relationship with her for my need to know and desired contact with him. But I would without question let her know my feeling's in regard to this issue. I would also let my adoptive parents know my belief's in order to keep all lines of communication open. And hopefully, you are like myself and have had the love of unconditional parents who understand your need and wishes to know your own truth. All of it, if able.
Weigh all the facts. And be honest in your feeling's with everyone.
In most adoption's, there are too many secrets. Secrets by your parents. Secrets by your biological family. And you can be the anchor to open those lines of communication with honest integrity.
You could be the force of healing for everyone involved. Especially, your own healing.
Secrets can harm relationships. Even the unknown ones. Especially for the adopted. It is important to try to unravel secrets, to enable you to have an informed idea of medical and history information, for genealogical purpose as well. Your family has an extra branch on a family tree. Your biological one, now since it is known. Most people who are not adopted are unable or unwilling to understand this concept. Mainly out of emotional disabilities of their own. It takes a clear and conscious mind to understand the complexities of biological and adoptive family tree's, for example.
To your own discovery, you can unravel your own family tree. Due to your own family secrets unraveling at this time.
It takes a delicate hand to unravel secrets. Go forward with kid gloves.
But always keep in mind, that he is your biological father. And he has a right to know you are alive and well as well as you having an open heart to embrace him. Finally.
Bravo to your biological mother for having the strength and courage to tell you the truth. To me, that is unconditional love. Whether it was stated out of fear, anger, resentment, love, caring or self healing. She was able to enable you to know. Which was your right in my belief to begin with. For most of us who are Adult's -now, and emotionally able to handle truth, we find a way to enable the act of forgiveness and understanding within the unraveled secret.
The old addage, "The truth will set you free" is even that more meaningful for someone who has never known the truth. Embrace the moment. Embrace the memories shared to enable the act of new memories in future moments, if you are able. Forgiveness and understanding is the key. It is what our maker wishes for all of his children.
You are on a new journey of self discovery! If you let it, that is.