[jolienoire]

Traditions are made to be broken

Traditions are made to be broken as we grow older and with the so many unvarying changes around us the moralities and values that our ancestors once believed in are no longer structured into our lives. Things that were once unacceptable are now being accepted such as religions, interracial relationship, same-sex relationship, divorce, etc.

All these mentioned above at some point or another usually affects our ancestry or parents who have expectations of us to grow up as they once did. Unfortunately we are in a different point in time where we have a say so we can make a choice and choose for ourselves what we want in life.

Our choices at times carry consequences with some of our loved one's even though in our eyes we don't agree with their decisions for us. Parents feel inclined to tell us who to date, where to go to school, occupation, relationship, marriage. It's an ongoing cycle of high expectations with little support. Consequently it can often cause the child to rebel from outlandish expectations in a melting pot of variety and choices.

Not allowing a consensual adult to make a decision based on their values and beliefs can become groundwork for a road of disapprovals and disappointments resulting in lack of communication, family separation, depression, and many other possible long term problems.

Parents and family fail to realize that happiness doesn't have standards. There are no looks to happiness, and can be defined by different variables. Relationships are hard enough as it is to keep strong but it makes it very difficult when parent's approvals are not remedied.

Parents also need to realize that their disapproval questions the child's ability to make a decision as an adult. Parents even take it to desperate measures by threatening to disconnect resources because their child fails to abide by their traditions and often resulting from psychological afflictions on the individual creating long term trauma. This child begins to try so hard by pleasing their parents that it brings them to an opposite outcome.

I find myself often baffled to make a decision between my family and my partner who happens to be culturally diverse than I am. The feelings are reciprocated from his family as well. As they would much rather keep family tradition and would rather much have their son with a woman who is of the same cultural upbringing.

I often find myself, reevaluating a perfect relationship because of someone else idea of an imperfect condition. In actuality “perfection” in my eyes has no bearing on skin, religion, race, gender, creed, occupation or social upbringing or someone shortcomings.

It's about their own morals, their love, trust, respect and ambitions to be happy with who they are and whom they are with despite someone else definition of what's traditionally acceptable.

After talking to many divorced people even myself and trying to make a connection as to why so many people divorce. To my prevail, and this is only my statistical information but about 80% of the people I talked to claimed because they wanted to make their family/parents happy by doing the “right thing”. Love wasn't a factor in most cases immediately. It was a secondary trait, in which I often heard “I have grown to love them”
I also heard religion, social status, finances, occupation, and race also played a big factor in the reasoning for marriage.

My whole point in this article is that often times because of other's opinion, tradition and societies viewpoints in which most of the times we often find the same people who had something negative to contribute about what is right are often the ones who show some form of hypocrisy. The word “pure” is becoming more and more obsolete. Perfect, is defined by the believer's perception of the word. Tradition is a long establish action or pattern of behavior traveled from generation to generation. But how can you expect tradition to stay the same under a different environment?
We are living in a melting pot society of different laws, moralities, and acceptance with different generations, more freedom of choice and ability, there is no way tradition has a chance to survive.

We should make it a tradition to not allow prejudice afflictions or ancient beliefs to reflect a world with so much growing changes. We should know that sometimes opposites attract, and if we were all the same such a boring world we would live in. That is why revolution takes place. Remember ignorance is bliss. You have one life to live, and if your life ever flash before your eyes make sure it's worth viewing. Live it to what will make you happy because the reality is that even though people may think they know what is right for us. We have to live our own lives, unless we will become dependent on others to guide us, and those people will not always be there. Go with your heart, follow your own tradition. Make history, make it happen, and don't regret your past and fear your future.

Tradition is made to be broken I am working on a declaration to be happy!


Written By

Jolie Noire
2008 ©Copyright

[N0help4u]

WELL SAID!

I always told my daughters that I would rather see them with a black guy that treated them like gold than a white guy that is cheating and beating on them. I told them if they can find a white guy that treats them right that's great, but do not limit yourself because it is hard to find true love and a guy that can and will treat you right.
My younger daughter is with a black guy. He has a college education and a really good job.
I really don't know him really well.
My ex put some two and two things he heard together and told her that he is not happy and he is going to have to have a talk with her.
I told her, "...he was never there for you so too bad dad!"

[talaniman]

Traditions is such a big part of family life, and such a big source for misery, I think I would rather be disowned, than told who to spend my life with. In the end, we all make our own choices, and pay the cost for making those decisions (or enjoy the blessings).

[isabelgopo]

Im a white atheist girl with 2 college degrees married to an african american baptist guy with no studies and 3 years left in the navy. Our families don't even speak the same language. Im italian, he's american. Our families made our lives hell, specially his "baptist-you'll burn in hell" mother and my "what are the neighbors going to say" father. After 3 years and a lot of patience and love, we have shown them that there is nothing that could ever takes us apart, not even our families and they have learn to respect and accept each other religious believes, race and education. Now we just have to convince immigration ;p

[N0help4u]

Using Christianity as an excuse for being racist just shows how wrong people are because Moses married an Egyptian (a different race/color than he was)

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, Chrisitianity does not teach racist behavior, it has been used to hide behind by some in years past, and even for hatred toward nationality, such as germans ( who just silly enough were also christian) ** don't ask me on that one.

[jolienoire]

Traditions is such a big part of family life, and such a big source for misery, I think I would rather be disowned, than told who to spend my life with. In the end, we all make our own choices, and pay the cost for making those decisions (or enjoy the blessings).

Wanted to give you a greenie, but I couldn't just want you to know your advice is always appreciated and you make plenty of sense... I love your insight!:D

[ISneezeFunny]

In a perfect world... it would be OK that I married anyone I wanted to marry.

Many have told me... I should marry whoever I want to, but to be honest, I love and respect my parents to the point where I look for their happiness before mine. They have given up many things in life so that I would be happy and successful.

If I approached my parents (they're traditional asians... christians) with a middle eastern muslim girl, my parents would be understanding... but they would object. I feel that once they saw us together, they would understand more, but I know that deep in the back of their minds, they would want me to marry another asian.

It's... sticky.

[jolienoire]

in a perfect world...it would be ok that I married anyone I wanted to marry.

many have told me...I should marry whoever I want to, but to be honest, I love and respect my parents to the point where I look for their happiness before mine. They have given up many things in life so that I would be happy and successful.

If I approached my parents (they're traditional asians...christians) with a middle eastern muslim girl, my parents would be understanding...but they would object. I feel that once they saw us together, they would understand more, but I know that deep in the back of their minds, they would want me to marry another asian.

it's...sticky.

I agree with what you are saying and logically it seems right but for me someone who is interracial herself, and don't categorize herself as a distinctive race, In my situation I am automatically categorized as African because of my skin tone and whatever perception they have of people of darker skin I am categorized in that perception, I have no correlation to african as I have hispanic, and french ancestry mixed with irish. I speak a few different languages along with my kids being half italian. For me I don't categorize or relate to one race more than the other, and I don't feel inclined to choose a side or religion. I would never put that pressure on my children, but I find that people are hypocritical in situations as this one, people such as my family for instance, here I am of mixed race and I often find myself, having to choose a partner, but the realization is that it really doesn't have anything to do with race, religion etc.. Sometimes our parents try to live through us and want us to be happy all the time in their own perception of what is right for them, but not in all instances are they always right just because they are our parents.. but even then they wouldn't willingly admit.. but by no means are you wrong, I understand what you are saying.,

[Caramel1989]

Using Christianity as an excuse for being racist just shows how wrong people are because Moses married an Egyptian (a different race/color than he was)

Moses married an Ethiopian actually :) But good point!