[Yed]

We are a group of 7 people including me and my manager. Whenever any 3 of us go out, they satrt talking and commenting about the rest of the people. If A,B,C,D,E are my collegaues. A,B comment C, in his absence . A,B,C comment my manager. Today, D,E and my manager started commenting the rest. I still do not undersand why these people do not have ethics. They don't take a side. For them nothing is right and everything is wrong. They are very rude. I am 15 years younger to them, I am very polite and mind my work.But they want me(even my manager says so) to be an . They say you need to be an to excel in any field.They laugh at other people's personal problems. If you ask them if they would come down to the cafeteria downstairs to grab something they would say "no- I have work you go ahead" and then I would see him down with some other person. Is this how's all work places are. This disturbs me a lot.

[N0help4u]

No I think your best bet is look for another job.
They are never going to change and you will always be an outsider if you do not stoop to their tactics.

[JBeaucaire]

You could also let work be work and keep your desire for meaningful friendship outside of work. Clearly these people are too uncouth for you and you should only let people into your "friend" circle that actually enhance your life.

Just because you work with them doesn't mean you have to spend any time with them on any issue other than work.

Nor do you need to forfeit your job. But I think LOOKING for other places of employment is ALWAYS a good idea since you frequently advance financially must faster when changing employers than you do with raises at a single employer.

So leave if you can find a better situation, I wouldn't recommend leaving over these people's gossipping nor for a job that is just the same financially, you lose your tenure. If you can land a better paying job... go for it and good riddance to these folks.

[talaniman]

It's a good idea to keep work, and home separate. There will always be jerks and gossips, at work, but your personal life, is your own choice. Get along to do your job, but who you choose as a friend, is your choice. When you leave work, leave it all there, and never take what goes on in your personal life, to work with you.

[peggyhill]

That's a tough situation to be in. Do your best to ignore them being gossips. It sounds to me like you don't work with very nice people. It isn't like that at every job, but it's like that at far too many. I agree with the others about keeping work and personal life separate. If these people make fun of people's personal lives, don't give them any info. About yours. Keep your chin up and don't pay attention to how petty they are.

If it gets to where it's making you miserable, look for another job. Just make sure you find a really good one first. I left a really good job once because of mean people like that, and I always regretted that I left before I found something else as good. Contrary to what these people tell you, you don't have to be a jerk to succeed in the workplace. Most places would be glad to have a worker who is nice, minds their own business, and works hard like you. Sounds to me like you are the good worker there and the rest are stuck acting like they are in high school! Keep on doing what you're doing and good for you for not getting involved in all the gossip.

[Fr_Chuck]

And of course when you are not there, I am sure they talk about you.
Sounds like about 1/2 of the places I have worked most of my life,
You either ignore them, don't go out with them, or leave, there is really nothing you are going to do, to change them.

[JBeaucaire]

Hehe, gossips can be fun, too. You see, you don't have to protect them from their own behavior, either. Along with not putting up with gossip when they're around you, you can out them when opportunity arises.

For instance if they gossip near you about someone walking near, call that person over to the group gossipping and ask them, "A & B here said you blank. Is that true?" Then have nothing more to say about it.

Or, if A & B are gossipping about C and stop when C walks up. You say to C, "A & B were just telling me how you _______ and _______. Wow, interesting discussion." Then walk away.

This can be fun. A few well timed "outings" and you should find that the gossip AROUND you drops to pretty much zero. Problem solved.

And yes, they will continue to gossip, and about you as well, but at least you won't have to listen to it anymore. Score!

[roni1969]

That happens a lot unfortunately. There are people who are always gossiping no matter where you work. Be careful what you tell them if it is personal

[helpstep]

I have the same issues at my job. I just do my work and totally ignore the fact that they even exist. They are nice to your face but cruel the minute you turn your back.

My only suggestion to avoid these issues is just don't give them anything to gossip about. Be on time, do your job, and be friendly. Just don't kiss anyone's behind!

[scorrpeio]

"Curiosity" is the basic human tendency... where ever you go you will find the same situation... gossip, gossip n gossip... it is inevitable.

I also face the likewise situation.

What I do is, I simply avoid to talk anything filthy, wrong about others, strictly avoid to talk about my personal life.

When they comments are going on I laugh with them to show that I am with them & one among them, but don't myself give any comment to other.

Finding other job may make you to get good hike... but don't expect the situation will improve... because

"wherever you go you will live with HUMAN"

Best wishes
Scorrpeio

[trmpldonagn]

I've worked in so many different offices and it has never been any different. You'll have good and you'll have bad. I found myself in your shoes many times. Most of the time I kept to myself and just had a few choice friends. Luckily, I loved 95% of the people but boy oh boy, that 5%. They tried to egg me on and so forth. They were even insulted that I'd interact with others on a friendly level but not them. They definitely tried to make my life at the job miserable. Tough part? I'd be careful openly telling B or C that A "was just talking about you and saying ______ and _____" only because they will retaliate. That could go as far as trying to cost you your job. I agree that you can definitely go work elsewhere but believe me, the odds here? With human nature especially? I wouldn't say there are all bad people out there but you will encounter this again and again. Stay strong and healthy! I'm not. See? I don't practice what I preach. I just try my best to help the next person as much as possible. I wish somehow I could just tell you not to be hurt when someone turns you down and then you see them with someone else. You'll eventually find out why. Watch. For now, try your best to find someone you can really really trust. You'll find that someone else (or more people) feel the same way about so and so, see the same things you see and hear the same things you hear. You will get to a point where certain people will become so darn predictable. You'll be just fine. Keep loving yourself and you'll be just fine. Your "health" will lead you to other HEALTHY people.