[phantom1975]

My Fiancé and I have been engaged for a year and together 3 years and due to get married next year, I thought we were blissfully happy until out of the blue he tells me he dosen't want to get married and isn't happy. I have moved out of our home that we have shared for a year and a half, he seems to want to get things over and done with as soon as possible! Its only been five days and he has cancelled all our wedding plans i.e. hotel, photographer etc and seems very cold about the whole situation.

When I ask why he wasn't happy it seemed as though it was to do with my faults, when I ask why he hadn't told me sooner he said he didn't feel like that then, it seems as though he has only been feeling like this for a sort period i.e. a few days.

I am heatbroken and feel so rejected, I kept our home lovely and done all I could for him and just feel as if he never cared for me. He dosen't show any emotion which makes me so sad its as if I never was in his life.

[shuang1705]

If you read numerous threads and articles, usually when WE feel something happened suddenly, it's usually the other person has been feeling it for some time and finally just had enough. I'm guilty of this myself, but we often think what we're doing is enough, and often neglect if we're even doing the right thing. There are many different factors, and hopefully your fiancé will give you closure as to what made him change his mind so quickly.

My experience is that my recent ex and I were also planning on getting married, or at least that was our goal. I lost sight of what being in a relationship is about.. fun. I made things too serious and intense, and she being significantly younger, just really wants to have fun. We love each other tons, but I just did the wrong things and she just got fed up. Plus regardless of how secure, looks ALWAYS matter, or at least that's what I learned :P Your situation prob is different, but I guess the best I can say is, it's not really all of a sudden, just, the clues didn't get picked up sooner.

[talaniman]

Wow, something happened, to change his mind. Your faults? Doubt it. Same advice though, back off, and get over the shock. Sorry for your loss, I think. This may be a blessing in disguise.

[peggyhill]

I'm so sorry. :(If he had that big of a problem with you, he should have talked to you sooner, not saved it all up because he "didn't feel like it then". What a jerk! It probably has more to do with him than with you honestly. Maybe he didn't feel ready for the commitment, who knows. But, as tal was saying, perhaps it is a blessing in disguise because otherwise he might have married you and then wanted a divorce soon or something like that.

In the meantime, counseling might make you feel better. Just make sure you have lots of support from people right now.

[JBeaucaire]

ENTER LECTURE MODE: (apologies in advance)

This is one the main reasons you don't mix dating behavior with married behaviors. Moving in and living with a boy/girlfriend does this very thing. It subjects your relationship to the stresses and strains of married life WITHOUT the actual commitment that can pull you through it.

All I mean is that your dating life should be nice and long, like you had, but separate. It increases the "looking forward to marraige" feelings and provides more of a payoff. When you get married and move in together all at once, the complete change in life is more cohesive and the bond / change much more meaningful

Living together first and actually getting married later is mostly anticlimactic. Most live-ins do not result in marriage. Sorry, but that's the harsh reality.

Listen to the reasons people (you) give for living together first. Listen to the clearly built-in "this is probably not gonna work out" mentality built into that sort of reasoning. It's almost always there if you listen carefully.

I'm sorry for your loss, but you don't have to view it as a failure. NOT marrying someone capable of pulling the plug and running like this should feel like a win to you... on some level.

[talaniman]

Darn JB, I hate this rep system that was a gem. Its so easy to play house, and even easier to pack up, and leave, if you don't like it. Knowing I have given my word before God though, makes leaving for me, not an option. At least not an easy option.

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like something else may be going on with him.
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you, but leave him alone. This person does not sound like one who can commit or take any responsibility for his actions. It's easier to just blame it all on you.

[JBeaucaire]

Darn JB, I hate this rep system that was a gem.

I agree, there needs to be a way for people to praise me over and over and over and over and over...



... and over...

Hey! How about gummy bears!