you do love them, it's just hard to see through the fog / angry with yourself for feeling terrible all the time / guilty because you feel your not a good enough wife or nurturing enough mother / feel sorry for your children because you're their mother/ hopeless because there is sooo much responsibility and so little energy to take care of it all - I could keep going and going... know what I mean??
I live everyday with a mental illness. Some days are great, some days are good, some days are bad and some days are worse.
But like all fog, this too will clear.
Meds can only help the chemicals of the responsive part of your brain.
Try waking up the happy part of your brain. You MUST stimulate this part of your brain manually to enable your meds to work properly. BELIEVE ME THIS WORKS!! This exercise is very hard to get started (especially when you have tears streaming down your face) but you MUST force yourself to do it... now, with a smile on your face, start laughing... thats right, give me a fake ha ha... do it out loud, ha ha ha ha ha ha, now put a he he with your ha ha... lets try it, ha ha ha he he. Keep doing this until you are really laughing.
You may think this is stupid right now, and that's OK... you may not even be able to make yourself do the exercise, but know this... The part of your brain that slows your metabolism, puts you to sleep, and tells you when your sad and mad is working in over-time right now and it's time to let it rest.
I wake up every morning and do the laughing exercise along with taking my meds everyday at the same time each day. It really helps. As with every illness, nothing is fool proof - you just have to keep in mind that you will feel good again.
What is your life like? Your children? Do you have a supportive husband?
-Kae
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