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indianfox · Mar 11, 2008, 10:43 PM

Someone is spreading dirty roumers about me. People pass indirect coments about me and since no one talks directly I can't reply them. But my silence is taken as an agreement. Now it is immposible for me to tell so many people that it is a roumer and it is not true. I don't understand what should I do. Please tell me a solution to this problem.

jrebel7 · Mar 11, 2008, 11:20 PM

Have you ever heard the saying, "A lie will go halfway around the world before the truth gets his boots on."???

As painful as times like you are going through are, they don't last forever. It hurts when others say untruths about us but in the end, the ones who know you and believe in you won't believe it and those who choose to believe it, you can't do anything about anyway. I didn't learn this until years into my adult life.

Of course, you don't always have to be silent but seems the more something is talked about the more life it is given.

Not knowing the whole situation, I may not be hitting it on the head so to speak but if possible, I would share with those close to me what is going on. Most of the time, they will set other's straight when they hear the untruth being told if they are true friends. Those who you don't know well, it is generally best to just live the kind of life around them that you can be proud of. They will see who you are daily and eventually form their own opinion of you and realize the rumors were untrue. Time is the best friend you have going through times like this. I wish you the best!

belsammael · Mar 12, 2008, 12:52 AM

Eventually, the truth will always come out, and the people will also realise the truth about the people spreading those rumors and not take them seriously anymore; I can understand your frustration though, but I do not know the situation... is there one single person spreading those rumors, or are there multiple? Are there some people you can talk to and share the truth with, so they can vouch for you whenever they hear someone telling lies again..

indianfox · Mar 13, 2008, 08:17 AM

Dear jrebel7 and belsammael,
Thank you for showing interest in my problem. At least now I know I can share my problem with someone. I have friends and I know many people but I don't talk to them because I fear what they will think about me. Will they stop calling me or will they make fun of me? Will they support the roumer instead of helping me? These questions prevent me from telling them my problem. I believe one or two of them already know but they don't show it to me and on my back they laugh. Their faces tell me that once I leave they are going to make fun of me on my back. Therefore I am scared to discuss it with anyone. I fear those who don't know about it will come to know if I tell them on my own and they will make fun of me. With great courage I told one guy about it. The result he feels pity for me. In the beginning there was only one person who was spreading roumers about me. But I ignored thinking that he will get tired and stop doing it. But now there are multiple people who pass comments about me. I don't understand what can I do?

jrebel7 · Mar 13, 2008, 02:41 PM

Indianfox I am so sorry you have found no resolve to this issue but rest assured that we are here to listen, care and share with you. Most times rumors are spread are out of jealousy but sometimes, people are just mean spirited. I am not asking you to share what the rumors are about but please understand that it is a little more difficult to give the best replies not knowing at least in part. Again, I am not asking you to share. I have had things spread about me and I shared with my friends and some I thought were my friends. My friends embraced me with understanding and support, the others drifted away and didn't want to have anything to do with me. Later, when some things came to light, some changed their attitude toward me and even made apologies to me.

If you feel comfortable to answer this question it might help a bit to know if you are in school and if so, what grade or is this being done in a work situation? That makes a difference also as to how to deal with it.

Have you ever heard, "I think thou doest protest too much?" I have no idea where it comes from but sometimes if we try to beat down rumors too vigorously, people assume the rumors are true otherwise they think we would not talk about it so much. I had to get to a point of just not talking about it unless asked about it.

The hard truth is that some people will believe things being said. If you can just distance yourself from these people, probably would be best. Put your heart and soul into doing what is important to you.

Just always share here when you feel distressed. Someone will be here for you. Do your best to stand tall, walk proud and be who you are. If you aren't comfortable sharing with certain friends, then you probably shouldn't. Trust what you feel inside is the right thing for you to do.

I hope I can express this to make the point I want to but in all things, I believe it is best to
"Act, instead of React!" Sometimes, I react to a situation when I should just back away emotionally until I feel more settled and then deal with it by how I act and what I say... not by reacting out of the emotion I am feeling.

Again, realize this won't last forever. Seek out those you trust. Keep in touch!

indianfox · Mar 14, 2008, 08:39 AM

Will prayers help?

N0help4u · Mar 14, 2008, 08:57 AM

My old bf's grandma use to say, "believe half of what you see and none of what you hear."
Start telling them that one.
Or maybe if they are making comments catch them off guard and cut them off by saying, "....AND you should hear what I heard about you!"

jrebel7 · Mar 14, 2008, 03:31 PM

Originally Posted by indianfox

Will prayers help?

I don't know what your beliefs are. I believe and have accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I pray to God in Jesus Name about everything that comes my way. I pray for strength for the day, for standing strong, for courage in the face of fear, for forgiveness, for leading and direction on how to handle daily situations, for health, protection, the power to love others even when they are hurting me because that one does not come easy, you name it, I pretty much pray about it. I pray for people I meet on this site when needs are expressed. I have prayed and asked God to give you direction in how to handle this situation. I do believe in the power of prayer without a doubt!

peggyhill · Mar 14, 2008, 04:38 PM

I am so sorry! I do think prayers will help. The rumors may not go away immediately, but it can't hurt to pray for that and also to pray for strength while facing this. Praying will at least help you to feel more peaceful and strong right now.

I've been in that situation before. One thing I did was to tell every single person I knew well, "Hey, there are lies being told about me, and it was started by so-and-so. This is the facts of the matter and this is the lie. If you hear anyone spreading this rumor, please correct it and please let me know" I was surprised how many of my friends went out of their way to set the record straight when they heard the rumor from others. If it was me, I would confront the person who started the lie. But only do this if you feel comfortable and if you think it won't make the situation worse. Tell him/her that if they want to tell lies to divert attention from their own sorry lives, then fine. Tell him/her that anyone who truly is a friend to you won't listen to stupid lies anyway.

In time, these rumors will go away, and there will be rumors about someone else to replace them. What seems like a huge buzz right now, may be completely out of people's minds in the near future. So hold your head up high. You know the truth and God knows the truth. I believe the truth will always win in the end.

MOWERMAN2468 · Mar 14, 2008, 05:58 PM

Go to the horses mouth and confront them. If not a rumor about you, it would be about someone else.

indianfox · Mar 14, 2008, 09:00 PM

MOWERMAN2468
I am sorry but I didn't understand what you want say. Please explain it for me.

indianfox · Mar 14, 2008, 10:23 PM

My friend told me that I should print a letter saying the Truth that I had an affair with his (The person who is behind this) sister and he is taking revange on me by spreading dirty roumers about me. I kept ignoring it for a long time but now time has come that I should take it seriously. I will not write his name as he can sue me for that. But I will mention that he wears a cap. I will give these letters in Post office and they will deliver my letters from door to door for a nominal charge. It is possible that due to lack of any name mentioned another guy thinks that it is for him and try to attack me. But the risk is worth taking.
Should I do it and what can be the consequences?

jrebel7 · Mar 14, 2008, 10:38 PM

Originally Posted by indianfox

My friend told me that I should print a letter saying the Truth that I had an affair with his (The person who is behind this) sister and he is taking revange on me by spreading dirty roumers about me. I kept ignoring it for a long time but now time has come that I should take it seriously. I will not write his name as he can sue me for that. I will give these letters in Post office and they will deliver my letters from door to door for a nominal charge. It is possible that due to lack of any name mentioned another guy thinks that it is for him and try to attack me. But the risk is worth taking.
Should I do it and what can be the consequences?

My advice would be to NOT put anything in writing. I don't think in this case that a letter would be the answer to the problem but perhaps would make it worse. I appreciate your friend for trying to help you though by thinking about it enough to try to help you reach a resolve.

If possible, I would just ignore the things being said, move on with your life. The more you feed into this other's person's drama, the more you exacerbate the problem. Best to you.

indianfox · Mar 15, 2008, 07:09 AM

All this time I kept ignoring it and more I ignore more people think that it is a truth therefore I don't retaliate. Also I am not going to write my name anywhare in that letter. So those who don't know about it won't know what it is for or who sent it. And those who know it will be divided in three groups.
1. Most of them will ignore it and think it is not worth paying any attention.
2. Those who think I am accusing somebody to show my innocence.
3. Those who think that I am right and I wrote it to let the people know the truth behind it.
At present most of the people think that the roumer is true because I don't deny it. But after reading that letter they will be divided in groups and I will get some supporters. I know there are some who believe that what they hear about me is not true, but keep quiet thinking it is not their own problem. But at least one of them will start talking from my side after reading my letter and eventually others will join him. This way the number of my supporters will increase. I request all of you to post your opinion about my plan.

N0help4u · Mar 15, 2008, 07:13 AM

Admitting to an affair could just cause more rumors.
Exactly what is the rumor that is being spread?
A letter could just add more talk to the rumor and I am sure that the ones NOT in the know #1 group would be curious and ask around for the full story.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 15, 2008, 07:35 AM

If you talk to someone and they as, you about a lie, tell them the truth, there is not much else you can do.

indianfox · Mar 15, 2008, 01:28 PM

He is spreading a roumer that I am a gay. I don't know what to do about it. People stare at me and pass comments. Once I had a fight with him for this. But he didn't stop. Earlier he used to tell people when I am at a distance from where I couldn't hear him but could see him. Sometimes I pretended that I am not aware of his presence and while looking somewhere else I heard what he says. Also those whom he used to talk would soon start making fun of me. But after the fight he takes care that I am not watching or listening to him. In fact now I don't see him anywhare around me. What can I do? I can't catch him red handed. Once I had beaten him up and after that he changed his tactics. Just immagine what I must be facing. He started it but now it looks like others are joining him ignorantly and I am getting in to more and more trouble. Somebody tell me what should I do to prove that I am not Gay. That will stop people talking about me. Once that happens I will take care of him. But at prsent I can't do anything to him. I should do something immediately to prove that I am not gay so that people stop talking about me but I don't know what I should do. Can somebody tell me what to do to prove that I am not a gay? Once or twice I even said loudly to guys who were passing comments on me to send their mothers or sisters to me and confirm what I am. But I can't do it to everyone and everywhare. What is the other thing I can do?

N0help4u · Mar 15, 2008, 04:34 PM

Well doing that letter would not help because they could simply claim that you like both sexes or that you were just with the one girl and prefer guys.
You would only make things worse by bringing his sister into it. Are there any girls you talk to on the internet? Maybe start talking about how interested you are in a girl on the internet or something. Or ignore them, they are being childish and rude and you don't need to worry about their opinion or their lies.

indianfox · Mar 17, 2008, 03:25 AM

I agree.
I will not send any letter to make the things worst.
I will take precaution that I don't do stupid things so that eventually people will know that it is a lie.
Is it right?

N0help4u · Mar 17, 2008, 05:38 AM

Exactly.
All you can do is let time heal old wounds and distance of time people will move on and forget as they see you aren't what they thought.