[Violet31]

I have been in debt most of my adult life but now my debts are consuming me. After I bought a house which in fact was a broken down shack, I cannot make ends meet. The real estate agent who sold me the house can only pay me back if the repair cost is 30% of the property´s total value, which it isn´t.

My credit card debts are out of control, because I´ve been using them to make ends meet and pay other debts.

I´m fifty and alone so I´m feeling really down.

However, I have taken steps to deal with the situation. I contacted a free service run by my government (I´m in Europe) and put everything on the table. I now have a financial consultant who is looking for the best way to help me. We are seeking to consolidate my debts and she will contact the banks herself if they refuse me.

Still, it´s a long process and I feel desperately afraid of what the future will hold. Sometimes I wish I hadn´t contacted the financial aid. I feel the need to sleep and just hoping the debts will go away, which is silly.

Hoping someone who´s been there or is in the same boat will reply.

Violet

[George_1950]

Actually, you will have to free yourself from worry and fear. The first step is to make certain your budget is not greater than your income.

[Violet31]

My income is lower than my budget, George, so I´ve asked for more projects to get a highter income.

The problem is that I feel really miserable, even though I´m dealing with the situation. I feel I am overwhelmed by the process and cannot get back on my feet.

Violet

[kayebird]

Violet, there is no real good advice. My husband and I are in the same condition. We were doing all right then he got sick and lost his business and now we are living on a modest retirement income. We also have huge credit card debt, which is no one's fault but our own. All you can do is face each day at a time and tackle what you can. I know it is overwhelming, but you can only do the best you can do. It is not worth driving yourself into the ground and feeling hopeless, life is too short. Work with your consultant and make the best effort you can, it sounds like you are taking positive steps. But remember, your health and mental well being is more important so take baby steps in getting things straightened out. They may never be completely resolved but as long as you are trying, you will be OK. Take care and God Bless.
Kaye

[Flowerchild1946]

A year and 1/2 ago, I was so scared because I had run up a lot of credit card debt and my husband didn't know. I couldn't sleep and did not know what to do. Finally, I told him and together we went to credit counseling and received the help we needed. Happily, I can tell you this has changed my life, it'll take us about 3 more years to be debt free and we now have NO credit cards, but it's been worth the peace of mind. Actually, not having the means to charge has helped me learn what I need and what I wanted. It's amazing what we buy that we don't really need.

Good luck to you, take the professional's advice and remember there's many, many people in the same situation especially now with the economy the way it is.
Don't beat yourselve up, talk to your Dr if your nerves don't get better.. life's too short to sweat the small stuff!

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see when my business closed, I owed about 1 1/2 million dollars to a dozen of so people. Ended up with a job paying 20 thousand a year, it would not even make my car payment, house paymnet and food.

But never lost any sleep over it, you can only pay what you can pay, so you pay for your home, your utilities, food and transportation, after that you just deal.

[Violet31]

Thanks for your replies! I feel better already. :)

[Violet31]

I went to the financial adviser and got her estimation. There are a few options I can take, but I need to think about all of them.

The option that appeals to me the most is selling some of my stocks and bonds and pay up all the credit card debts, then get a loan at the bank for the rest of the debts.

I cannot use up all my savings because if I fall ill, I will have nothing.

I found a book on finances and my plan for this month is to write down every cent I spend. I need to know exactly what I need in terms of food, gas etc. Then my plan is to spend 10% of my income to pay off the most difficult debts and another 10% for savings.

My financial adviser told me to find out how much my house is worth and I intend to do so after Easter. My accountant will help as well, but I need to do my income tax sooner then I expected. It´s a lot of work, but it´s good to finish it.

I would love some feedback. I feel optimistic, but sometimes I feel scared.

Violet

[George_1950]

Yes, you must use caution; I would NOT think this a good time to sell stocks. Do you have a retirement account or pension?

[Violet31]

I have a retirement account. The financial adviser wanted me to take everything out and sell it. I don´t think that is wise. Then I would have nothing if I fell ill.

There are other financial advisers I can see and they also deal with the bank to get the best loans for me. I also think it´s not good to sell stocks right now.

Violet

[George_1950]

The option that appeals to me the most is selling some of my stocks and bonds and pay up all the credit card debts, then get a loan at the bank for the rest of the debts.

I cannot use up all my savings because if I fall ill, I will have nothing.

I found a book on finances and my plan for this month is to write down every cent I spend. I need to know exactly what I need in terms of food, gas etc. Then my plan is to spend 10% of my income to pay off the most difficult debts and another 10% for savings.



Violet

The book of finance probably includes a budget, which should be useful. I have found the largest item of discretionary spending that can be immediately modified is 'food'. Prepare your food at home and save a bundle. Starting a savings plan isn't as difficult as it sounds. Take a jar and put a dime, quarter, or dollar in every time you wash clothes; at the end of the month, deposit into a savings account. Once this becomes a habit, you will feel much stronger and wealthier, in time.

[Violet31]

I have only just begun to write down everything I spend and it´s a revelation to me. You are quite right about the food, George.

I found a different financial adviser for my second opinion. I will contact him right after Easter.

I have a feeling if I´m totally honest and stay out of denial, this might be a liberating step for me. In the past, I have never been totally honest about what I need because I was in denial and hid my spending. Now I will be, because I want to start a new life and get out my isolation.

I have never felt well about my work, my house, the town I live in... because I felt that lack of money had forced me to be there. I want to stop feeling forced.

I feel really excited about this, but sometimes I feel so alone and lost.
I have asked a few friends to be there for me, but they are in denial about their finances and have asked me not to mention what I´m doing. I can understand it, because I used to be like them. One of them, a single mother, has not open her mail for months. I have begged her to make an effort and come with me to see the financial adviser, but no...

I have two male friends, but they are quite new in my life and I don´t feel right to talk to them about it. They are both quite well off and sometimes I feel bad about that too.

I feel I´m on a journey. Please share as well. And thanks to all of you who have shared and given great advice.

Violet

[Violet31]

Hi, I´m back with a new question and update.

I am finalizing my deals with the banks. Both have agreed to convert my credit card debts plus all the monthly installments into one big loan but one bank wants me to return my credit card. It´s not negociable. Since I have only myself to blame for overspending, I will do it.

Is there anything I can offer the bank so they will at least let me keep it at the bank? The bank is getting a huge a collateral, so my credit cards debts will be fully paid.

How long will they normally keep it? Any chance they give it back to me?
I need the damn thing to be able to pay for my niece´s school stuff.

Thanks,
Violet