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    joycesewandsew's Avatar
    joycesewandsew Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Feb 8, 2004, 09:53 AM
    Unexpected visitors
    How should I handle family members who show up at my door unexpectedly. I have asked them repeatedly to call first to see if their visit is convenient for me, but for some reason they refuse to respect my wishes. Please advise.
    joycesewandsew
    speedball1's Avatar
    speedball1 Posts: 29,301, Reputation: 1939
    Eternal Plumber
     
    #2

    Feb 8, 2004, 03:05 PM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    Hi Joyce, A family that shows up at your door unannounced AND uninvited. And after they're in they preach a four hour nonstop sermon? You do have a problem don't you? When that happens, and you see them get out of their car meet them at the door, stand there, don't let them in and say, " Oh! I'm sorry I was just going out. I have a very important appointment. I could have saved you the trip if you had called. Next time why not call and see if I'm free." And walk out the door and leave for a cup of coffee. Next time same thing. They'll get the message. Just don't be a wuss and let them in to your house. If you do you're doomed. Joyce, I got to be frank here. I kind of wish I had your problems. I'd have so much fun solving them. Good luck, Tom
    joycesewandsew's Avatar
    joycesewandsew Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Feb 8, 2004, 04:31 PM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    Hi Tom, thanks for your reply. Actually, I've begged and pleaded for a number of years with my sister and niece while explaining to them I think it is "the height of rudeness" to show up at anyone's door unexpectedly (unless of course, its an emergency). Since this has gone on for a number of years, I feel they simply are not willing to respect my wishes and it has really dampened our relationship.
    Thanks,
    Joyce
    a1succesforce's Avatar
    a1succesforce Posts: 25, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #4

    Mar 19, 2004, 06:48 PM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    Hi Joyce,

    People who make a habit of showing up unexpectedly and uninvited should not be considered guests. Go about your routine as if they were not there. Above all do not cater to them. Make phone calls, watch TV, take a nap, or read a book. It's your family and you are willing to treat them like it, but they should be willing to treat you the same.

    Hope that helps,
    a1successforce
    loveland80537's Avatar
    loveland80537 Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #5

    Jun 1, 2004, 09:59 PM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    Joyce:

    Glad these are your family members and not mine. Are they deaf AND dumb??

    Calling before showing up means just that. I would go to the door, explain, AGAIN, that a phone call is mandatory in order to gain access to my home and without the courtesy of calling first, they are not welcome. Shut the door. End of story.

    Harsh? You bet. But some people have to be hit up along the side of the head with a 2x4.

    Don't back down - good luck!
    joycesewandsew's Avatar
    joycesewandsew Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Jun 6, 2004, 08:21 AM
    Unexpected visitors
    Thanks, I think they don't get the message because they don't want to get the message. Ha!
    Gkhster's Avatar
    Gkhster Posts: 33, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #7

    Jul 4, 2004, 03:13 AM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    Since you have tried being 'nice', it is time to get serious!

    Knock Knock,

    {through the closed door} I am sorry, but I've run out of clean laundry, and I'm not wearing anything!

    Or

    I have a horrible stomach flu, and I can't be away from the toilet!

    Or

    We just got a pet alligator, and it has escaped!

    Or

    I haven't finished laying out the snake/scorpian/trantula repellant yet!

    Or

    If you are the police, I don't know anything about any dead bodies!

    Make sure they hear you howl with laughter. Perhaps next time they will call ahead to avoid your creativity!

    If this hasn't helped, I hope that it has at least made you smile!

    Guy
    smark's Avatar
    smark Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Aug 27, 2004, 04:14 PM
    Unexpected visitors
    Don't answer the door.
    artistall's Avatar
    artistall Posts: 88, Reputation: 5
    Junior Member
     
    #9

    Aug 27, 2004, 08:55 PM
    Re: unexpected visitors
    I know it is difficult because they are family but I also know the stress that is associated with this type of situation. You Need Your Privacy!! I have been through your dilemna and I can help you but I would like to know a few things!  First off do you live in a house or an apartment? Secondly can you see who is at the door without opening the door and can you see them getting out of the car? Do they show up at a Usual time or just sporadically? Can they peer into your window to see that you are there?  What I'm getting at is this; if you "Cannot" see who is at the door without opening it then leave a notepad on the door that says you went shopping "Please leave a message"  and Don't answer the door!  If you "Can" see who is there without opening the door then just don't answer or open the door.  Make sure you have Caller ID so you won't inadvertently answer and reveal that you are really there!  It's sad that you have to resort to these "Hide and Seek" tactics But believe me they will get tired of coming over unannounced to find you are not home!  
    manutd4eva's Avatar
    manutd4eva Posts: 209, Reputation: 14
    Full Member
     
    #10

    Jan 1, 2006, 04:56 AM
    I would just answer the door say "sorry im busy you sould have called" and close the door. Don't engage in anymore conversation about what you are doing just close the door and if they can see you through the window just carry on with something normal like tidying up or to take the p**s if they hang around go make a cup of tea or a drink etc and sit down and relax in front off the TV lol then they will get the message
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #11

    Jan 1, 2006, 06:47 AM
    Family uninvited
    Hi,
    You have received some very good answers here.
    My wife and I have experienced the same thing, and living here in the mountains, small town, is a very friendly place, with family, and neighbors, coming and going as they choose.
    You said they have been doing this for years. So, now it's going to be difficult in handling the situation, without making them mad. But, they will get over it.
    When they come to your door, stand in the way, in the door, and just say, "I'm sorry, but have a lot to do right now, can you come back later"? Smile, and say again, "Please call me".
    Then, SHUT THE DOOR. If they keep knocking or ringing the doorbell, don't open the door. They will leave eventually.
    It will probably upset them, but they'll get over it.
    Your other option is to keep going like you are.
    I do wish you the best, and good luck. I know it's annoying.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #12

    Jan 1, 2006, 07:44 AM
    Guest
    It is culture,

    If you were from almost anywhere in the eastern part of the world, a guest is always welcome and you have an obligation to make them welcome and offer them something to eat and to rest no matter who, no matter when.

    (a custom I find wonderful and a total loss in the west and esp in America)


    Next you did not say how often, every day, once a week, once a month)

    My suggestion is that a guest, no matter, is always a blessing and should be welcomed with open arms.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member
     
    #13

    Jan 5, 2006, 08:02 PM
    Keep insisting that they call first before coming. If they come without calling, then refuse to entertain them by giving them an excuse as though you were on your way out, for example, something like "we've got a dinner engagement to get to, so we can't stick around and chat right now. Next time, call first to make sure we're home so you don't waste the trip."

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