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DJ 'H' · Jan 30, 2006, 10:58 AM

So there is this guy at work who I get on with really well. We are always telling each other jokes and having a laugh.

However, he has recently startd being overly nice.

Everyday I come into work, he will shout hello and then follow with "you look very nice today" - it's really nice and made me feel really good about myself, however I did not think anything of it, just thought he was being friendly, that and it's always nice to receive compliments.

The other day however, he said to me, "you look nice today, you always look nice, no matter what you wear" - now again a nice compliment, but my response was "What do you want" - he said "I am just being honest"

Now he can be a bit of a player and I know he is not 100% faithful to his girlfriend. I told pete about this and he said "if he says it again, slap him"

The part I did not tell him, was that this guy actually said to me "we will have our time" - I told this guy that we wouldn't, I was happy with Pete and he should be concentrating on his girlfriend. I did not tell Pete because I did not want him worrying or thinking the worst. Plus I have dealt with the situation. The only thing is I know this guy is going to keep on trying (he is the perservering type) I have not seen him since then and I am going to do my best to avoid him, I obviously will be polite and say hi in passing (I am not a rude person). Do you think I have done the right thing, or shall I tell Pete? I mean there is absolutely nothing to worry about and I have not lied to Pete - I have made pete aware of what this guy has been saying, so he gets the gist - I just wonder if I have done and am doing enough, or should I be doing something else?

Wildcat21 · Jan 30, 2006, 11:11 AM

Defintely coming on to you.

Women fall for this stuff all the time. Sounds like a complete player.

Giving you the BS. The love and leave guy - most defintely. The guy would hurt you if you didn't know any better.

This guy has no honest intentions it seems.

phillysteakandcheese · Jan 30, 2006, 11:19 AM

You may want to remind him what "harassment in the workplace" is if he continually makes you uncomfortable with his advances.

I don't think you need to go into any more detail with Pete - unless the situation escalates.

blueiman · Jan 30, 2006, 01:02 PM

He is a player. I think you should report it to you boss first and ask him what should you do. If your boss is a professional he will know how to handle it. Your boss may just tell this guy to knock it off. Follow your bosses lead may be a good start to solve the problem.

nwsflash · Jan 30, 2006, 01:17 PM

DJ H under UK law all companys have to provide a safe work place free of this kind of thing, or your company would be seen to be breaking the LAW.

You need to stay away from the guy as much as you can, then you must also speak to senior management as this is viewed as harassment. Most company H.R's would take it down that path if you report it.

Hope it all turns out good for you.

DrJ · Jan 30, 2006, 02:16 PM

Wow... I don't know about reporting him to your boss. It still seems a little innocent to me. Sure, he may be trying to throw some moves on you... but, if you are an attractive girl, you have to expect that every so often.

Just stand up for yourself and let him know. Take his power away and use it against him. The more you let this get to you, the more power you are giving up to him. You are woman, let him hear you roar lol

... This guy sounds JUST like my cousin lol

blueiman · Jan 30, 2006, 02:36 PM

This guy is way out of bounds. Ground him. It's penalty time.

Wildcat21 · Jan 30, 2006, 02:57 PM

I don't think she sees it yet as being out of bounds. A little innocent flirting - but this guy seems to have greater intentions, and they don't seem honest and good.

giggles · Jan 30, 2006, 03:40 PM

Hey there,
I don't see a need to take it to HR. All you need to do is tell him to lay off the next time he starts his cheesy lines. Don't give in to the humour of it either, just say "look try your lines somewhere else, mate." and leave it at that. Sooner or later he'll move on to someone else if you don't react to him too much (that includes reacting negatively, any reaction will keep him hanging).

Wildcat21 · Jan 30, 2006, 04:12 PM

Yeah - these guys don't take direct rejection too well. You gave him some attention and he took it wrong it seems.

nwsflash · Jan 30, 2006, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by giggles

hey there,
i dont see a need to take it to HR. All you need to do is tell him to lay off the next time he starts his cheesy lines. Don't give in to the humour of it either, just say "look try your lines somewhere else, mate." and leave it at that. sooner or later he'll move on to someone else if you don't react to him too much (that includes reacting negatively, any reaction will keep him hanging).

When you go to work you do not have to suffer harassment. At the end of the day most people go to work to collect a pay check, not use the work place as a date'n pen ! Yes I agree warn him, but I would also warn him that I would take his *** to H.R for harassment if it didn't STOP.

DJ 'H' · Jan 31, 2006, 02:48 AM

I know he is a player, I am no fool; I have been there too many times and can see them coming a mile off now.Cheers guys!

I feel now that I am doing the right thing and going in the right direction. I am avoiding him and have not yet seen him since he made those last comments.

I'm glad you agree I have told Pete enough for the time being. Obviously if he persues it, or tries anymore I will tell Pete - I don't keep anything from him! I love him so much, I would never lie to him, or do anything to hurt him.

So thank you all for your support and for your comments. ;)

fredg · Jan 31, 2006, 06:04 AM

Hi, DJ,
Giggles has a very good answer.
I would not slap him, as this might cause you more than just tension in your workplace!
Just tell him, as Giggles said, to "bug off". I wouldn't even be nice to him by saying "hi", just ignore him after you tell him, and don't even acknowledge that he is there.
If this doesn't do the trick after a couple of weeks, then bring it up with your Superiors. Harassment in the work place is not allowed in the US, and I'm sure there are laws where you live also.
PS; Tried to give Giggles "approval" comments, but got pop-up window instead!

JoeCanada76 · Jan 31, 2006, 06:18 AM

DJ H,

Hello, You did the right thing. You told the gist of it to Pete. He is aware of the situation and if anything else happens that truly bother you then you will need to make more steps of getting control of the problem. For now though just do what your doing and hopefully that will be enough.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Jan 31, 2006, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

DJ H,

Hello, You did the right thing. You told the gist of it to Pete. He is aware of the situation and if anything else happens that truly bother you then you will need to make more steps of getting control of the problem. For now though just do what your doing and hopefully that will be enough.

Joe

Cheers Jesushelper!! That's all I wanted to know :)

Wildcat21 · Jan 31, 2006, 08:38 AM

I wouldn't tell Pete anymore - you'll push him away. Tell the guy at work to get lost.

DJ 'H' · Jan 31, 2006, 10:52 AM

That's why I did not tell him about the comment "We will have our time" - ecause he would have just worried about it and distanced himself from me. I just wanted to know if that was the right thing to do. I will tell this guy to tae a hike if I see him, but luckiy I have not seen him about!!

Cheers wildcat

blustar8i8 · Jan 31, 2006, 10:16 PM

I wouldn't report him just yet. Tell him that you are fine with being friends with him but it doesn't go any further then that. You have a boyfriend that you are very happy with and would never jepardise your relationship with him. If he continues to come on to you then I would tell pete. Maybe then pete will have a little talk with him and know that you were serious and leave you alone. You may be worried about being mean but if he was any kind of "friend" to you then he would respect your wishes.

SHAVED · Jan 31, 2006, 10:40 PM

Hi DJ,
I go with giggles' suggestion which I feel is more appropriate for such a situation. Tell him your negative answer, avoid his silly comments and once he understands your negative approach he will go to someone else whom he could easily get into his line.

momincali · Feb 1, 2006, 01:18 AM

DJ, You did the right thing in telling Pete. However, don't worry about being rude if it means keeping your distance from this guy. No more "hi's" or glances his way, he will keep misinterpreting them. It's kind of creepy in an annoying way. I personally would have told Pete the last part too, and also made him promise to let me handle it myself. Pete gave you sound advice, well, sort of, you don't want to physically slap him, but verbally, absolutely. Should he approach you again, in a firm tone let him know you now feel very uncomfortable and awkward because of what he has said and if he continues, let him know your b/f Pete is going to rip his arms off and beat him with them right after your boss fires his a**. :D