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kthomas1825 · Mar 5, 2008, 06:07 PM

Its only been two weeks since I have giving my baby up for adoption. Its been hard these past two weeks. They said that I have a month to change my mind. Will it be hard to get him back?

N0help4u · Mar 5, 2008, 06:14 PM

Don't know but if you have a month you better tell them asap a month goes fast.

Synnen · Mar 5, 2008, 06:44 PM

You need to talk to your lawyer, and your attorney ad litem (if you had one).

Overturning relinquishment is HARD, and isn't usually done because you've changed your mind.

Call your lawyer FIRST THING tomorrow morning.

KalFour · Mar 11, 2008, 09:10 PM

Why did you give your child up for adoption? What's caused you to have second thoughts? Get legal advice straight away.

FeelSoNumbZombie · Mar 12, 2008, 08:35 AM

I would contact the adoption agency as well as send them a certified letter of your feelings at the present time. Usually, you have more time than 1 month. Adoption is not legal until FINAL ADOPTION proceedings. Which usually, most children are placed in a foster care situation with the intending adoptive family until legal proceedings are finalized. At any time, and they are aware of this, you and or the father can change their minds.
If you choose to do this, please don't wait. For the sake of your child and the parents that wish to love him/her.
If an adoption agency was used, that is. If not please consult your Department of Social Services. Some people not familiar with the hardship of choosing adoption do not recognize that you may not be able to afford an attorney.
There is also legal services. You can contact your county government offices for the telephone number. They will charge you on a sliding scale according to your income. And you will be able to be assigned an attorney to possibly help you or guide you on what legal considerations you may have over the phone.
If it is even necessary. You are the mother. You have the ball in your court. You have all of the control. Some mothers make decisions such as this and regret it for the rest of their lives. You have every right to want your child back. This type of decision does not come easy for 99% of biological mothers. That is until you forever sign your rights away to that child in legal family court. You also have every right to request the child remain in foster care until you are definitive upon a decision. Why didn't they tell you ALL of this? It appears from your question, that your Civil Rights for full disclosure have been violated. Many Adoption Triad Members, Philophists, Psychologists, Social Workers as well as Theorists like Erickson believe that a child can ONLY bond with the mother who gave birth to them. A child can attach to an Adoptive Parent (s). But the actual event of bonding can only be done with the mother who bore him/her. This in my belief is not a choice. Not for him/her, them, or you or the father. Or even for future or past children born to you or their biological father for that matter. DNA is the cornerstone to ALL of earth's creatures in existence or extinct.

But please, don't wait. Heart strings are on the line. For all concerned.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 12, 2008, 08:59 AM

None of us know because we don't know what sort of agreement was made, what were the terms that would allow you to change your minds within a month?

Why did you believe it was right to give the child up for adoption.

As many know I was adopted and I also adopted one of my sons. For me, the adoption gave me a life I may not have had if my birth mother had not. Is it a open adoption, will you have any rights to visit ?

In the end, will it be hard, adoptions are hard, birth mothers often do it for the best of the child, so this is something only you can know what you need to do. And then will need to discuss this with the attorney who did the adoption.

FeelSoNumbZombie · Mar 12, 2008, 09:09 AM

Fr_Chuck,
As you may know, the Adoption Attorney is more than likely paid for by the Adoptive parents. Not the biological family.
She needs to seek her own representation and guidance.

Synnen · Mar 12, 2008, 09:17 AM

As a birth mom--I was given my own attorney, though paid for by the adoptive parents. It was stressed to me that he was MY attorney, to make sure MY rights were not violated.

Adoption is NOT evil. Telling someone who is waffling that her child is never going to bond with the adoptive parents is bad form, in my opinion. My daughter bonded just fine with her adoptive parents.

While I agree that adoption practices need refining, I think that your words are not helping this girl, FSNZ. She asked for legal advice about adoption, not for more reasons to overturn it.

I know how hard it is to keep your opinions about adoption to yourself when you see someone YOU think is making a mistake, but in this case, she just needed to know whether she could change her mind. With the information that she has given, none of us can determine that.

Seeking legal representation is the best thing for her to do, as laws vary from state to state, and agreements vary from adoption to adoption.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 12, 2008, 09:58 AM

I will agree some adoptions don't work out, others are great, there is nothing perfect in this world, I guess I though every mother was assigned an attorney to represent their rights ( or at least the child would be assigned an attorney) But yes you don't want to use the same attorney as the adoptive parents are using.

So yes check with an attorney, your own if you had one, if not one that is not representing the adoptive parents.
But you do need to do it quickly, once the time frame is over, it is much harder if even possible.

danielnoahsmommy · Mar 12, 2008, 10:36 AM

You must have had a reason to place your child. Please reasses what you are feeling now. Make sure you are thinking of the best intest of the child and not guilt and selfishness. I totally respext you for doing what you did. And I fully understand what you are feeling now. Please contact an attorney as soon as possible.

LadyB · Mar 13, 2008, 07:05 AM

Procedures for revocation of consent vary widely, you need to find out what they are for your state. If you used an agency, they have to provide you with the information.

FeelSoNumbZombie · Mar 13, 2008, 07:42 PM

I am not against adoption. I am against false representation in adoption. Where birthfamilies are not given ALL of the facts. And in all probablity, if she was able to afford an attorney or even had one in her adoption proceedings, she would have contacted him/her instead of us. Sometimes, we need to read between the lines. And not make judgement on others who support her feelings in her current situation. Or provide her facts about her rights. We do not know the whole story, or the whole entire truth. What I gave her, may help her make an informed decision about a very difficult choice. She has not given up her rights, as of yet. That is a literal fact from her question.

On a personal note, this same situation happened to my own Mom and Dad. I almost had an older sister. But her mother wanted her back after 1 1/2 years and almost to finalization. Sure, both of my parents were heart broken. But believe that she had every right to revocate her decision. After all, she was the mother who bore her. Soon afterward, the adoption agency provided them with another child. Me. And then another. And we are a real family. No one can replace the love you feel for your parents. Any of them, when you are adopted. It is a personal choice. It is a personal journey. It is what is called the Adoption Triad Family. And we lived happily ever after. Except for one individual. My first mother.

Things happen for a reason. And if she has not finalized her adoption proceedings and feels differently or is in a better place to raise her child, now- than she has a legal right to revocate her un-finalized decision at any time she wishes.