[celticmist]

I would appreciate feedback from parents of teenagers. I have a 15 year old son who recently stole my car in the middle of the night and wrapped it around a hydro pole. He is being charged with Careless driving, driving without a license and my husband and I had to charge him with Theft of a motor vechile.he walked away without a scratch. He goes to court in March, and I don't think he knows the full extent of what he's done. It doesn't seem to have phased him at all. He has been raised in a loving family, and we've done the best we could do as parents. I am stressed now however, because I don't know if I've done the right thing. I know this is his problem and I will be there to support him, but he needs to make restitution for what he's done.
Our insurance company would not cover the costs of the damage to the hydro pole or my car unless the car was reported stolen. The insurance company has also said that they will be going after my son for the costs incurred in this accident (ie. The hydro pole ($1000.00) damage to the car(it was written off) the towing and impound fees, etc. Plus he will have to pay for the criminal offenses in either fines or probabtion.
I don't know Canadian Law all that well, but I am really scared for him. Are there any parents out there that have had something like this happen. What do I do to help him solve his problems?
STRESSED BEYOND BELIEF
Celticmist

[CaptainForest]

Canadian Law eh?

You say he's 15.

While Harper will probably make the sentences much harder, the current laws are still from the Chrétien/Martin era.

Odds are, he will get probation, community service and/or a fine.

So in the criminal legal aspects, he doesn't have much to worry about.

It should also be noted that upon his 18th birthday, his criminal record will be wiped clean (assuming he is charged as a Young Offender under the Young Offenders Act and since you mentioned no deaths I see no reason why he wouldn't be)


As for the civil charges, there are a couple of options.
He's only 15. One possibility is he could declare bankruptcy (affects his credit for 7 years, takes him to age 21).

Another option (which I would recommend) is he goes out and gets a part time job, or for sure works full time in the summer to pay off this debt. That will teach him a lesson.

How should you discipline your son? That's your call as I have no clue. Perhaps you should take away his iPod or something else that he values.

[Fr_Chuck]

Canadian Law eh?

You say he’s 15.

While Harper will probably make the sentences much harder, the current laws are still from the Chrétien/Martin era.

Odds are, he will get probation, community service and/or a fine.

So in the criminal legal aspects, he doesn’t have much to worry about.

It should also be noted that upon his 18th birthday, his criminal record will be wiped clean (assuming he is charged as a Young Offender under the Young Offenders Act and since you mentioned no deaths I see no reason why he wouldn’t be)


As for the civil charges, there are a couple of options.
He’s only 15. One possibility is he could declare bankruptcy (affects his credit for 7 years, takes him to age 21).

Another option (which I would recommend) is he goes out and gets a part time job, or for sure works full time in the summer to pay off this debt. That will teach him a lesson.

How should you discipline your son? That’s your call as I have no clue. Perhaps you should take away his ipod or something else that he values.

Ok I don't have the slightest idea of law up North, but I may suggest you talk ( or your lawyer talk) with the prosecutor and see if you can arrange to get him into a boot camp, many have good success.

[CaptainForest]

Fr Chuck's idea of a boot camp is one possibility. But if you choose that option, make sure it is because you honestly think it can help him. The last thing you want here is for him to start to resent you because of this and go on to far more dangerous things upon his release from boot camp.

I am not sure if boot camps are part of the legal system though, you wold have to check. But there are private boot camp programs that you can send him to though.

[celticmist]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply.
I would love to do the boot camp thing but there is nothing unless I send him to BC and that's really too far and too expensive for our family as we have a daughter as well that will be going to college in a year.

He currently has a part-time job and I am making him put the money into a savings account until further notice.

There was no one else involved in the accident thank God!

Thanks again for your suggestions.
Celticmist

[talaniman]

As far as the law goes they will deal with that but at home you need to come down hard to show what he did was absolutely wrong, taking his iPod is only a start,suspension of privledges, activities, phones, friends,pets anything you can think of to put it on his mind that there are consequences for his actions.If you don't wake him up life will later,and then its to late.Start your boot camp right in your own home! BOOT to BUTT if a hardhead won't listen!Been there done that!:cool:

[phillysteakandcheese]

I can speak with first hand experience on this...

Sit down with your son and talk to him - See if he can understand not only the danger he put himself into, but also the impact his behavior has had on the family. Remind him you love him, but tell him how you are feeling as well.

Look in your phone book for Abuse Help Lines - there should be one for the Parents Help Line. They have a bunch of information and can tell you about your options.

If you can calmly and rationally get him to agree to go to counseling, you'll be off to a good start and you can work with him.

Your post sounds like this may not be a one time mistake in judgment... If you are frightened of what he might do next, or do something violent to you, you should call the police. He may need to be forced to go to see a counselor and/or be placed in professional care.

[manutd4eva]

I agree about consoling but taking things away probably won't help. My carer people took my iPod away from me for messing around and getting into loads of trouble at school and said I was banned for a month so I went straight to the shop and brought a brand new better one and as it was out of my money they couldn't do anything about it. Same with my mobile.
Basically I think taking things awy from him could make him want to buy them back secretly rather than paying fines and bills that may land him in further trouble

[nwsflash]

Celticmist I'm sorry to hear about this problem you have been having. Its hard bringing kids up and they say they get better as they get older lol, that's a myth. I think that you all need as a family to sit down and make him fully understand just how bad this problem is and how bad it could have been. Regards the insurance you had no choice but to report the theft or you could have ended up in trouble plus got no pay out on your vehicle.

Family consoling is a good option that you can look into as a family group. I would put him on limited acess to all kinds of things from the phone, TV and computer and so on! And make him re-earn the right to these things. You will probley find that he has done this as a prank or something daft that teen lads get themselves into. Your posting and stress shows that you are a good mother that is just over stressed over this issue, please asure yourself that you are not to blame.

As above post say if he gets done as a child it should come off his record when he hit's 18, so should not screw his life up. I wish your son and yourself luck with this matter. When he goes to court he needs to be honist with the judge.

[momincali]

As stressed as you are, rest assured that you did do the right thing. He does need to take responsibility for his actions, and that means not saving him from himself for any reason. Like Talaniman said, taking the Ipod is only a drop in the bucket. It should be sold on eBay, like yesterday. Even if you can't afford sending him to boot camp, there's no reason you can't create your own boot camp at home! The issue here is trust and discipline, or the lack thereof, defiance, disrespect and the sheer disregard for human life. He could have very well killed an innocent person. His consequences should be based on the lack of those characteristics. Since he's proven himself untrusworthy, remove the door from his room, take it right off the hinge. Put it away. Nothing electronic at all. He can't breathe without asking you permission. Why so extreme? He needs to remember who's house he lives in and who the pack leaders are. He needs to give his parents and family respect.

He cannot replace any items taken from him, even if it's with "his own money", he has no money, whatever he did have is yours now to help pay expenses. If you can't see him, you don't know what he's doing. I would consider having him quit his job. When you think about it, going to work would be a lot more fun then staying home and working, why give him that privilege. If you have to, fire the gardener, or the pool guy and make him do it. Even if it means you have to kick in your own money, these lessons are too valuable not to be taught. Besides, it will show him that the money isn't necessarily the issue but his lack of character is.

Do a little homework and find a martial arts Sensei (a Japanese master of martial arts) who is willing to help you teach this kid the art of hard work and discipline. It will help manage his aggression and negative energy and it can really serve it's purpose in teaching your son the true meaning of discipline and respect. When he's not practicing martial arts, have him volunteer at a hospice, a senior center, the cancer wing in a hospital. Show him the importance of thinking of someone other then himself and let him see how good his life was until he decided to throw it away.

The point is not to humiliate him into being a responsible person, but to rehabilitate his sense of being a decent human being. What he did was not only illegal, but completely inconsiderate and stupid. Had he been 18, his goose would be cooked. If he continues on this path, he will no doubt end up in prison or dead. You have a lot of power mom, don't be afraid to use it. Don't let your emotions get the best of you, you have too much at stake. Let him be mad at you guys for a while, it will be worth it in the end.

[twintaurus]

HELP him by getting him off drugs. C'mon lady, open your eyes.
Why do you think JR. is NOT ONLY sneaking out in the middle of the night,
But he is stealing his parents' car? DESPERATION... that's why!
Wake up and smell the coffee lady!
Get into action now.
Good luck, and God Bless.