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wholl311 · Feb 28, 2008, 11:12 AM

First a little background. Me and my ex lived together for about 4 1/2 years. We had a good relationship but we were both drug addicts. Finally, she left me and went to treatment to get sober. I decided I would do the same thing. She is back in my home town in Texas and I moved to Atlanta, GA to get sober. We both have been sober about a year and a half. We have been talking on the phone every day for the past six months. In 2 months she is coming to visit me in Atlanta. I still love her and want to tell her but don't want to over step any boundaries. Plus if she doesn't feel the same way I don't want to lose her as a friend. Do I take a chance and tell her before she comes? Do I wait and tell her when she is here? Or do I play it safe and just wait and see what happens. HELP!

ldyastrid · Feb 28, 2008, 11:44 AM

First.. CONGRATULATIONS! Becoming sober is not an easy task and you both are to be commended!

You have been talking on the phone but haven't seen each other in 18 months. Since you were both addicts, who each of you are now, as sober individuals, are not the same as when you were last together. Give it time - if it's meant to be, it'll hold out. When she comes to see you, it may be an eye opening experience for each of you... it may reaffirm your commitment you once had to each other - or - it could shed light on things you each didn't notice/see in the other.

My opinion... take it slow... you are both walking a new path - if it's meant to be, you'll end upon the same path... if not - your paths may just cross.

Keep up the good work!

talaniman · Feb 28, 2008, 12:05 PM

My opinion... take it slow... you are both walking a new path -

I agree and that's my advice, take it slow, you both are truly different so wait and see how different. There is no hurry.

Congrats for being sober, and clean, and I hope you stay that way. It's a great world without any mind or mood altering drugs.

JL FANATIC · Feb 28, 2008, 06:43 PM

CONGRAULATIONS on you and her being sober. YES let her know before she comes out there. Your objective is to get her back right? Its love there are no boundaries with that. You have to be honest with yourself and also her too. SOLID foundation to start your new life as one. If she comes out You had better have a ring of some sort. Good Luck.

jolienoire · Feb 28, 2008, 06:54 PM

Originally Posted by wholl311

First a little background. Me and my ex lived together for about 4 1/2 years. We had a good relationship but we were both drug addicts. Finally, she left me and went to treatment to get sober. I decided I would do the same thing. She is back in my home town in Texas and I moved to Atlanta, GA to get sober. We both have been sober about a year and a half. We have been talking on the phone every day for the past six months. In 2 months she is coming to visit me in Atlanta. I still love her and want to tell her but don't want to over step any boundaries. Plus if she doesn't feel the same way I don't want to lose her as a friend. Do I take a chance and tell her before she comes? Do I wait and tell her when she is here? Or do I play it safe and just wait and see what happens. HELP!

Congratulations for being sober... then I want to say wait until you see her, so she is able to see how you are progressing, and it won't push her away and ruin any chance of seeing her if she doesn't feel the same.. Seeing is believing good luck! Best wishes to you and I hope you continue to progress...

Mr_am · Feb 28, 2008, 07:05 PM

Use your tongue.

wholl311 · Feb 29, 2008, 06:09 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that we met in Memphis a few weeks ago. We stayed in the same room but slept in separate beds in part because I had brought some friends along with me. Last night we were talking and in just teasing I told her "She didn't want to come to atlanta that there was nothing good worth seeing here." because I was stuck in traffic. To which she replied "You are". I think she feels the same about me as I do about her but I'm still pretty fearful about telling her.

talaniman · Feb 29, 2008, 06:58 AM

Have fun getting reacquainted, but be cautious that your not just feeling things from the past. Essentially, you have both changed, and need to go slow to give yourself a chance, to see how much has changed. Your not a dope fiend, so use your brain, as I have seen many a couple crash and burn, after they got sober, but still had not gotten over the impulsive behavior, and jumped in to fast, when there was no real hurry. Take this as a new relationship, and forget the past one. Start from scratch, and build on a solid foundation.