[talaniman]

So, it was a bad thing that I mentioned something to my kids that I am seeing someone special?

They should know your going out, but giving them too much info, maybe to soon, as you have no idea what's going to happen. If they get curious, they will ask questions. But just dating is enough for now. The best part of being on a forum like this, is you get a lot of views. Take what makes sense, ignore what doesn't. Its all food for thought.

[Mom of 2]

I realized that I never answered the question about what his response is when I say that I miss him. He has responded that he misses me too and he can't wait to see me. However, the last time that I said that I was going to miss him when we were hugging goodbye (last weekend), he just gave me a bigger bear hug, made a moan but did not say those exact words back. But he has continued to call me everyday since.

It stinks because I told myself from the get go that I did not want to have strong feelings about anyone for a long time, but here I am falling hard. He was actually the one doing the pursuing and making all of the first moves, and he still goes for my hand first to hold it, etc. I know that I am having fear of rejection based on the fact that my ex cheated on me and that was one of the reasons for my divorce. I am just having a tough time understanding all these feelings to determine if I should start pulling back so that I don't get hurt again. I don't want to make him feel claustrophobic, but I don't want to be standoffish to make him think that I don't care. I just want to get to know him more and in the process to get closer to him. Like I said, we are getting together with his brother and his girlfriend/fiancee (my girlfriend from the restaurant) this coming weekend and then he and I are going on a ski trip for the rest of the weekend (Sat and Sun). Maybe it is a good thing at this point that we only see each other every other weekend because this forces us to only talk on the phone to get to know each other between that time. By the way, it was his idea to go away for a ski weekend instead of my idea of just going to a local ski hill.

Since typing this entry, I have decided that I will start to do what I was doing in the beginning and let him pursue more like he was when we first met instead of me contacting him the way that I have been this past week. I am going to take the advice that I have gotten here of just enjoying it and let it flow. It is hard though because I am the type of person that needs to KNOW where I am heading before I get there. This is not ALWAYS a good thing.

It also doesn't help much when my girlfriend tells me that she thinks that he is getting ready to introduce me to his parents and that she thinks that we will be getting married eventually, even calling me her sister-in-law, because that puts a lot of additional thoughts in my head as to why certain things are not occurring. I have told her that she can't say things like that just because she wants it for us. I know that she means well and boy am I chippy (but sometimes scared too) when she says these things.

Does anyone have a crystal ball out there? That would save me a lot of time!! I don't want me, my kids or anyone to get hurt and that is why I am so confused and concerned.

[Mom of 2]

I did not realize that we already hit the second page of this thread. SORRY! Thank you talaniman for your words of comfort. I feel a lot better about my choice to tell the kids that I am dating someone. No, I am not telling them anymore than that, as they do not need to know specifics, nor would they understand. That is why I have decided to come back here to voice my feelings about my relationship with this man.

My son HAS been asking a lot of questions lately and I have just been saying that we go out but not where we go. He does know how we first met because I told him that I was going to a football game with "Auntie _____" (I left off my girlfriend's name, but my kids call her auntie), her fiancée and her fiancee's brother. I thought that we were going as friends, otherwise I would not have mentioned even that much. I didn't consider it a date, but rather a time that I was going out with friends. However, things went very well and that is how it all started. When the guy called me on the phone a couple of times while in the car or at home with my kids, I try to make it sound like I am just talking to a friend. However, my son has picked up on a lot more than I thought he would, maybe because I usually smile a lot more during these conversations. However, like I said before, I don't think that the guy has mentioned anything to his kids that he is dating ANYONE and this has caused me a lot frustration. I don't think that it is my business to know if he has said anything to his kids, but then there is part of me that would like to know. I am just going to leave it where it is and just try and live in the moment. Again, my head is saying one thing and my heart is saying something else.

[Mom of 2]

Here is a brief update... I just got off the phone with him (he called me, as most times) and we talked about our plans for next weekend. At the end of the conversation, he was the one who said "I miss you", which is the first time that he was the one who said it first. God, I feel so immature right now that I have to worry about who said what first. But, someone in one of the earlier posts had asked me and I just wanted to provide an update to my earlier response. I guess I am the one who is making things so complicated. I just need to stop thinking so much.

Now, I just have to take it one day at a time and let the relationship unfold as it will. I will still need help down the road with how to phrase certain questions, as I feel like I am a fish out of water there. Not only is dating a lot harder when you get older because I feel like someone just decided to change all of the rules when I wasn't looking, but I have to remember that this is the first time that I have dated when I have had kids or anyone else has had kids. There is more at stake than when I was dating before I was married and had children. Ugh!!

[jrebel7]

Here is a brief update.... I just got off of the phone with him (he called me, as most times) and we talked about our plans for next weekend. At the end of the conversation, he was the one who said "I miss you", which is the first time that he was the one who said it first. God, I feel so immature right now that I have to worry about who said what first. But, someone in one of the earlier posts had asked me and I just wanted to provide an update to my earlier response. I guess I am the one who is making things so complicated. I just need to stop thinking so much.

Now, I just have to take it one day at a time and let the relationship unfold as it will. I will still need help down the road with how to phrase certain questions, as I feel like I am a fish out of water there. Not only is dating a lot harder when you get older because I feel like someone just decided to change all of the rules when I wasn't looking, but I have to remember that this is the first time that I have dated when I have had kids or anyone else has had kids. There is more at stake than when I was dating before I was married and had children. Ugh!!!!

Hi there! Thanks for the update. Sounds like things are going well. Don't hesitate to post any time. There will always be someone respond fairly quickly. I don't know if you realize or not but I sent a private message to you earlier in the day. No need to respond, I just didn't know if you would know where to go to access it. I didn't when I first got on this site and had direction from other posters which I appreciated so much.

The rules are different now it seems but keep in mind, you can write your own as you go! :p I do understand what you mean, just hoping to make you smile. Best to you.

[talaniman]

Generally thinking too much leads to confusion, and assumptions. But Your thinking is down to earth, practical, and very responsible, which shows your mature and grounded. Very good traits to balance your own heart. Maybe the rules have changed, as I have been told by my younger colleagues here, but we know there are some rules that never change, like good manners and honesty. You have every right to expect the same from your date also. We may think things have changed from what we remember, but they really haven't. We are the ones who have done the changing. Have a good time getting to know each other, and don't let that smart little child you have get to nosey, LOL. Like you can stop him.

[Mom of 2]

jrebel7 - Thanks for letting me know about the private message. I did not know that I had one, so I will go there right after I post my update. I know about the private messaging, but I hadn't been using this site for a long while. You know what they say, when you don't use it, you lose it!! Anyway, thanks again.

Talaniman - You have ALWAYS offered such good advice to everyone that I have seen on this site. You and I seem to visit a lot of the same posts so that is how I know. It is great to hear the viewpoints of other mature adults. You can ask your friends and family these same questions, but they will always tell you things that they think you want to hear, which is not always good. Thanks to everyone out there who has responded to my questions/concerns and to let me know I am normal!! However, I am still curious about how to pose certain questions i.e. have you mentioned to your kids that you are dating someone? At this point, though, I think I should just let well enough alone. However, at times I feel that he is keeping the fact that he is dating too big of a secret. He never talks on the phone with me when his kids are around (not that I really want them to hear what we are saying, etc.), but I have the ability to talk to anyone on the phone when my kids are around, I just choose the correct language to use and don't give out too much info when they are around. Am I asking too much?

Here is an update at any rate. He called me twice yesterday. The first time because he was running errands and he "just wanted to hear my voice" and the second time was because it was the usual time to chat before going to bed. I don't know why I was so worried before. Maybe it is because I had lost faith in the opposite sex from my past experiences. However, I need to let that go because not all men are like my ex.

Thanks again for all of your advice/encouragement, etc. And yes, my 12-year-old is very curious. I try to be as general as possible, but he can be so inquisitive sometimes. He is also very protective of his mama. He witnessed so much between his dad and I and he just wants me to be happy. About a month ago he told me that he just wants me to be happy and that he just wants this guy (or I think any guy) to treat me right. He has such a wall up against his father because of the things that he witnessed that he did to me. I think for a while, he was scared that I would find another man just like him, which thank God (I think) I have not. Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent.

[Mom of 2]

Well, some of our plans for this weekend had to change, which I am disappointed about. However, the plans of WHAT we are doing have changed, but we will still be seeing each other and spending time together. He is supposed to be helping his brother do something, which was already the case, but it is going to take longer than anticipated. Therefore, by the time he gets home and we have to travel the three hours to where we were going, it would not be worth going. So, we are just going to stay by his place, go out to dinner and a movie, etc. I should be content that I am at least going to be spending time with him, but I am still very disappointed. I told him that I was disappointed and he took it in stride. I mentioned in an email that he sent me later that I can be a VERY understanding person, but he would have to really make it up to me. I phrased this statement in a joking manner because I don't want to sound like the y girlfriend. However, I felt that a statement of some kind had to be made so that my understanding nature is not taken advantage of. I know that these situations may happen again, as that is life and life almost never comes out the exact way you want it. But if it becomes a pattern, then I will have to be less joking and more adamant about not being pushed to the side. I understand that I have to be flexible and understanding, especially since he is a single father, but I am tired of being the "sweet girl" who has a heart of gold and who ALWAYS understands, not just with him but with other people too. This is an entirely separate issue and something that I have to work on within myself.

This post is more of a venting than a question of sorts. He said that he would be calling me again later tonight at our usual time, so I will be able to talk to him about this some more. I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I want him to get into his head that I understand that sometimes plans have to change, but I don't want this to become a habit where everyone else gets priority over me. I can understand where his kids get top priority all of the time and I will never be able to compete against that. However, I need to come out on top of his friends and his siblings at least sometimes. Am I asking too much? Okay, so I did end it with a question, so please respond with your thoughts.

Thanks!! Any suggestions of how I candle handle these kinds of situations in the future so that I am not walked over by anyone.

[jrebel7]

Hi there!

My first question to you would be, "Is this the first time he has changed plans on you or has it happened often? From what I have gotten from earlier posts, he has been consistently there for you, calling, coming over, taking you out, etc. If I have misread, please let me know. It makes a difference on posts I would give and probably that others would give also, getting this clarified.

My suggestion would be if it happens regularly, just begin making other plans with other people (not saying guys) and stick to your plan even if he becomes available. Perhaps in the past as you say, you have always been the understanding one and that is not a negative until it makes you feel like a victim.

When one feels like a victim, then one begins to take on the personna of a victim. I know you must have been so disappointed. I am not saying you should not have been. It takes a ton of work but one must not depend on the actions of another to make or break their day. Just saying since you told him you were disappointed and it doesn't seem like it was something he could avoid this time since it was already in the works, it might be best to drop it rather than continuing to make a "statement" about it. I hope you don't take this as criticism for how you handled it this time. I am just a little concerned by your following statement:

"but I am tired of being the "sweet girl" who has a heart of gold and who ALWAYS understands, not just with him but with other people too. This is an entirely separate issue and something that I have to work on within myself."

I am a bit concerned that you might in future, without realizing it, try to punish this guy verbally or put the man you are beginning to care about in a precarious situation of always having to prove himself to you by making this a huge issue this early in the relationship. I feel you may still be reeling over past hurts and goodness, who of us aren't to some degree, right?? But I am hoping that the issue you refer to above does not creep in and cause you unhappiness when you seem so excited about this guy. I am not saying you should not address such issues, just as you mention, don't want to beat a dead horse. He probably feels bad about it anyway.

Also, I am not 'taking up' for him. Please don't misunderstand. I would be the first to say "Walk and Block" if this guy was mistreating you or placing you in a position of always having to be the one to take a back seat to others in his life. He disappointed you but it didn't sound from your post that he could actually help it this time and was still trying to spend time with you and enjoy your company. Perhaps you could let this go this time since you did address it a bit. Then the next time around, if it happened, you could address it as a serious issue with you. I am however, one who likes to put it all out on the table so people know what type person they are dealing with generally speaking but in this type of relationship, your relationship might need time to grow and flourish before sharing what you are going to need from him in order to be happy. Has he made you aware of what he needs and enjoys from a relationship?

One more thought: Guys tend to be very task oriented. He had this task going already, in the works, as you said so that was foremost on his mind from the prior commitment... sort of a 'getterdone' mentality. LOL It didn't sound like he meant to treat you with any disrespect, probably just wanted your time you have for this type of trip, to be ideal and not rushed.

I hope I have not missed the mark on this one. You will have other's helping here also and by now, you may have already worked through the emotion of your disappointment and already have more perspective on this situation. Best to you!

[Mom of 2]

You are absolutely right, jrebel7!! When he called this evening - which was before I read your entry - I decided not to bring it up again. I have to say that I am proud of myself that I was thinking right by not saying anything. I remember me thinking during the phone call, "I should say something, but I really don't want to have a confrontation about this. I really think he is sorry and no matter what I say it is not going to change anything, other than to ruin the weekend that we have together." I feel that my entry this evening prior to his last phone call was more of a venting. I'm glad that someone else agrees that this was the proper thing to do. I don't feel so weak anymore.

Yes, I have been known in the past to keep everything inside of me and let other people walk over me time and time again, which only made me become resentful. I am scared that this could happen again and because of this I have put up a protective wall to a certain degree. So, yes I personally have issues of this happening to me before. However, this is the first time with this guy, other than having to cancel getting together on a Friday night a couple of weeks ago because his ex failed to pick up the kids. From what I have seen so far from this guy he wants to do so much for everyone that he spreads himself too thin. I can relate because I used to be the same way. I know both instances were totally out of his control and I guess I am just afraid that this could be a pattern, a pattern of unavoidable circumstances. I just want to be able to see as much of him as possible because the time that we DO have is so limited. However, I also have to protect myself and if this does become a pattern, I will address it at that time and no sooner than that time. I wouldn't want him to continually berate me for anything that was beyond my control. That is what my ex used to do to me and I hated it!!

What I have to keep in mind is that we ARE going to be spending time together, just doing different things. I am grateful for the fact that we will still be able to spend QUALITY time together instead of being rushed. The fact that others in my past took advantage of my understanding is not this guy's fault.

In answer to a question from jrebel7, since this is so early in our relationship, we have not had any serious discussions about what it will take to make each of us happy in a relationship, other than the commonality of being cheated on. I know that both of us have trust issues, and that is why I strongly believe that he is being truthful and is very sorry that this has happened. At least he told me 3 days in advance rather than the day of, which is what occurred a lot in my past. He could have waited until the very last minute to say something. He has NEVER stood me up. I think there was only one or two times that he did not call when he said he would. Both of these times he claimed that he fell asleep and did not wake up until the next morning. I can understand how that can happen because I have done that.

So, the result is... "Life" happens. I am not going to ruin the beginning of what I see is a fantastic relationship over something so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

[jrebel7]

Mom of 2, bless your heart! You are thinking really well through all of this. One reason that I think I am able to address some of these issues you are going through are past experiences that I have from which to draw. I want to be an encourager to you but you know what?? I think you are doing just fine on your own! This is a great forum though and sometimes venting just gives us so much insight. You are doing great. I am very proud of you. I know you don't really know me, so to speak and that sentence might not mean a lot because of that, but I really am proud of the way you are thinking through your issues. It is a day at a time process. Vent anytime you need to. It is great therapy plus, as you get input from other's it just helps strengthen us when we know we are not alone.

[Mom of 2]

Just wanted to update that last weekend was GREAT!! The hockey game was a lot of fun, because we both love hockey and we went with his brother and his fiancé (my girlfriend who I mentioned in the past). During dinner, I could have kicked my friend under the table when she came out and said, "So, when are you going to introduce her to mom and dad?" I think I almost choked on my pasta!! All he said was that they would be in Florida until May. So, I think it is progressing, but at a slow pace. Why is it that now that this subject has somewhat presented itself to having some kind of timeline I am started to get scared? Also, would it be normal for him to introduce me to his parents before his children? I know that I have NO say as to the order of things, but I was wondering for wondering sake.

It was also great to not have to rush around the day after the hockey game, even though I was alone in his house for about 5 hours. I think that says a lot in that he trusts me not to snoop. I kind of felt a little weird, but I just watched a lot of movies, read, played with his dog and just kind of lounged. He called me once and texted me to make sure that I was okay, to remind me that I could fix anything to eat and to give me an approximate time when he would be home. Boy, was it great to see him when he came back, though!! We then went out to dinner and a movie and just plain enjoyed each other's company. The next morning when I was getting ready to go, my car battery was dead because I left the interior light on. From my past experience of being yelled at and talked down to for every mistake I ever made, I became scared. Do you know what he did? He told me that it was no big deal and actually whistled a tune as he pulled out his charger. He did not berate me or even laugh at me. All he said was that this was an honest mistake, it could happen to anyone and that there was nothing to get mad about. He did chuckle a little and mentioned that there is never a dull moment with me!! Man, did I hate to leave. I just wanted to jump right back into his arms again and never let go.

A few days later, I went out with a group of girls, who included my friend who is engaged to this guy's brother - the girl from the hockey game. She proceeded to inform the entire group that she and I would soon be sister-in-laws and that she could not be happier. She also mentioned that he refers to me as his girlfriend to other people. It would just be nice to actually hear him introduce me as his girlfriend so that I would not feel so uncomfortable. I want to introduce him as my boyfriend, but I just don't want to scare him off. Maybe that is what he is thinking. How do I bring this subject up? Do I really need to bring this up? Uh oh, here I go again with the over thinking. Things are going well and I need to be satisfied with that.

We are getting together again this weekend and I can't wait!! I feel a great need to ask him questions, but I don't know if it is too soon, if it is ever necessary - I mean why do we women always need to define everything to death? I think that I am falling in love with him. However, I don't think that I can truly know if I love him until I see how my kids and him interact and how his kids and I interact. Each of our kids are so much a part of our lives that I don't think that we would truly know each other without knowing each other's kids. However, I don't want to rush it if it is too soon, as it has only been 3 1/2 months. I keep going between really wanting to meet them and not wanting to meet them. Is this normal? Now, if you think that at least discussions about meeting each other's kids should be brought up, what would be the best way to bring them up?

Sorry for the long post. I wanted to bring you up to date and I also had a lot of questions.

[ordinaryguy]

I was wondering for wondering sake.

Probably not the best use of your time.

[Mom of 2]

Nope. It is not the best use of my time, and I know that. However, I find that my thoughts continually go there and I have to mentally stop myself. I think that I am just so worried that I will get hurt again, that I don't believe that I deserve to be happy and that I am waiting for the next shoe to fall. I believe I really want to control the events that I really don't have control over in order to shield myself from any future heartache/disappointment. I have always been that way. I continually tell myself, "Well, if I just knew about this detail, everything would be right with the world and I wouldn't worry anymore". However, once I find out the answer to one question, there is always another question that I want answered. Please tell me I am not the only one that feels that way. I can say, though, that this does not paralyze me, it just makes me wonder. In my past relationship and through my divorce process, I can tell you that the feelings that I was feeling were pure anxiety and fear. This is a little bit different. Although I do feel some fear of losing a great guy, there is a lot of excitement and anticipation, and wanting to get closer to him but not knowing when and how that will happen. Like I said before, I feel like a teenager sometimes.

[Mom of 2]

Okay, here is an update. Things, I think, are continuing to go well. However, we have plans to get together tonight and spend the day together on Saturday before I go to work at 4:45. He warned me last night that his ex pulled another stunt and she is California right now for a supposed work conference. He does not have any information on when she is expected to be returning, whether it was to be last night or sometime today. His daughter tried calling her mom last night to find out what was going on but her mom did not answer the phone. She is supposed to be picking up the kids this afternoon for her weekend, but the past few times that she has been out of state for pleasure or for work, she did make it back on time and ended up not picking the kids up until the next day. In addition to working in another business part time, she also works for one of the airlines and she is able to take cheap flights by flying on standby. However, these are the seats that are always bumped first when the flights are crowded and there is no guarantee that they will be able to get on the flight that they want. This is the excuse that she gives as to why she misses flights back and cannot make it back in time to pick up the kids. I am trying to be understanding about this, but I am already getting tired of this, as this will be the third time that this has happened. I know that it is out of my control and I know that it is out of his control. However, I only get to see him every other weekend as it is and I just want to be able to see him. I am 100% positive that he is not lyng about this as a way to get out of our plans because he has vented his frustration to his brother and his brother's fiancé - who in turn has mentioned to me that he has been frustrated about this, but I am still worried that this will be the way our life is and I don't like it. I want to be patient, but it stinks. I mentioned my frustration to him last night and he let me vent - not that I vented very much. I just asked if this happened a lot and he said that this doesn't happen a lot but every once in a while. I asked if he thought that this would continue, and of course he said that he could not say, but he hoped that it wouldn't. I told him that it bothers me and that I am worried that this will be a problem in the future. He agreed with me and said that he is frustrated that it seems to only happen when it is her weekend with the kids. I don't know if there is any advice that anyone can give me at this time other than to be patient and see if this is a continuing pattern. I know that it is too soon to meet his kids and I don't want to rush the process just because I want to spend more time with him. I want for this to happen at the proper time and in the right way for the kids. However, this would not be such a problem if I knew the kids and they were comfortable with me and I could still spend time with him even if they were around. Again, I know that my past is making me doubt even the things that I am sure about because of the numerous times that my ex lied to me. I know that is what is happening in my mind. He is not my ex and has not lied to me before. But I am mad about this situation and I wish there was something that I could do to change it. Again, I don't want to beat a dead horse and to continue discussing this issue, but I am frustrated and I don't want this to continue. I know that I was given advice in the past to make plans with other people if our plans continue to be changed/cancelled. However, I can't do that a lot either, as my friends are important to me and I don't want to make "maybe" plans with them if my plans with him fall through, and then when my plans with him do happen as planned to then drop my plans with them and say, "Sorry guys, I'm getting together with him instead". I don't want to use my friends like that. I did that in high school and some of my friendships were strained because I could never do anything with them when I had a boyfriend because my boyfriend always wanted me to spend all of my time with him, which meant that I ignored my friends until the day that I did not have a boyfriend. Oh what to do, what to do. I know that I have done all that I can do at this point. Any comments about this would surely be welcomed.

[jrebel7]

Okay, here is an update. I know that it is too soon to meet his kids and I don't want to rush the process just because I want to spend more time with him. I want for this to happen at the proper time and in the right way for the kids. However, this would not be such a problem if I knew the kids and they were comfortable with me and I could still spend time with him even if they were around. Again, I know that my past is making me doubt even the things that I am sure about because of the numerous times that my ex lied to me. I know that is what is happening in my mind. He is not my ex and has not lied to me before. Oh what to do, what to do. I know that I have done all that I can do at this point. Any comments about this would surely be welcomed.

Just a thought but I don't see why this would not be the perfect time for you to meet he and his kids somewhere fun, not loud or tons of activity going on but relaxed yet somewhere they kids would enjoy... meet them, visit, just for awhile. I don't see why, as much time as you spend with him now and taking in consideration your feelings for him and his for you, why you are hesitant to meet the kids. At first, yes, but now, seems the ideal time. It would be a step forward, it would relieve your anxiety and worries. If he declines, communicate as to why so you know where he stand on this at this time. He may have a valid reason for not wanting to introduce them yet but then again, he may just be wanting to and feeling you don't think it is the appropriate time.

I would say this will be a common occurrence from time to time through possibly no fault on his or her part, because there is an ex and there are children. That goes with the package. It is something you need to realize because it may not be something you are willing to abide. If you can't accept that, you probably need to move on. I know you care about him a lot but by this time, you need to either meet the kids, see what you think about how the relationship will go when you are around them.

From experience I can tell you that once you have been hurt so deeply by lies, it is almost impossible to regain the ability to trust. Not impossible but for some personalities, like you and I, more difficult than for others. I have friends that get lied to, get upset about it but never question anything until the next time they find out they have been lied to even by the same person and these friends seem to own no red flags at all. You and I, I think, own too many red flags! LOL We need to trash a few of them. :p

Until he lies to you and you know he has, be very careful how you react when you are disappointed. If he is not a person who lies, that will get old very quickly and he will not want to have to be explaining himself all the time or constantly having to reassure you of his feelings. I can say this out of my experience so I am not trying to be short with you about it. I understand the anxiety you are writing about. It may not be within you to trust him or anyone else until you come to grips with the pain you have been through with your ex and everyone has their own time table on learning to trust again.

Again, I would make the suggestion to meet his kids (if you are willing also to introduce him to yours soon). See where that takes you. I wish you well. As we have said before, we like to know the ending before we get to it but when it comes to relationships, you just have to take it a day at a time, measure it out each day and see if you want it to continue. I would suggest you think about how it would feel if he were not in your life. If that seems too painful, I would be extra careful in this situation regarding his children. I doubt you would want to feel he was putting pressure on you if it were the other way around.

I am not a relationship expert so take what you can from what I say and trash the rest. :p

Just some thoughts, hoping to help you get a little balance in your emotions. Venting helps and since you posted, you may have already worked through this. Best to you! :)

[Mom of 2]

Jrebel - Yes, as you already know, and I have admitted to it in the past, I do use these posts to vent. Not only does this help me work through my feelings and get advice from others, but it is my hope that maybe, just maybe, I can help someone else out there in a similar situation who may not be able to bare their feelings on a site like this.

To Jrebel and everyone else, since the time of my last post, my boyfriend's ex DID get back from out of state and did in fact pick up the kids on Friday night, albeit a little late, but it still worked out. Yes, I do realize that since children and an ex are involved, it does complicate a relationship. He did not lie about the situation. I can deal with complications, I cannot deal with lies. With each situation that has come my way in this relationship, I have continued to be shown that this is a trustworthy guy and I am coming to trust this person more and more.

In regard to the kid situation, I am more than willing to have him meet my kids at this time, as I feel that he is such a great person who would be a positive influence in their lives, as well as the fact that I see a future with this individual. I am more excited now than scared to introduce my children to him and for me to meet his children. However, like I said before, I don't want to rush it, as I think he wants to introduce me to his parents first. I think I was just frustrated in my earlier post because if I knew his kids at this time, it would not be such a big deal with me being there at the time that his ex picked up the kids, etc. Just because it would have been more convenient for him and I, this does not mean that it is in the best interests of the children. I know in time, we will meet each other's kids. I just have to be a little more patient. I don't want to rush a good thing.

Yesterday, he took me with him to shop for a new car because he said that he wanted my opinion. To me, this is a clear indication that he values my opinion, which says a lot about our relationship. In addition to that, he wanted me to help him pick out a new bedroom set for his son. We did not find anything at this time, but it was the idea that he asked me to help him with something that was for his child that made it important to me, and I was glad to help. He also went out of his way to introduce me to one of his good friends (by driving impromply to this guy's house), saying that this was an important person in his life and he wanted me to meet him and for this person to meet me. Finally, while driving in his car and talking on the phone with two people, he told them that he was with me, which is something that he has not done in the past. (In the past whenever he would be on the phone with someone and I was present, he did not mention that I was even there.) There are always steps in any relationship and I am really convinced that these are positive steps in the right direction. I think that he just wants to introduce me and make it known that we are together to all of the important adult family and friends in his life before we involve our children. I have to remind myself that if this relationship is worth it, things cannot be rushed. If it were over a year and not just the 4 months that we have known each other, I think that I would have a reason to be worried. I am more and more confident that this introduction will be happening soon. I have to also remind myself that I have YET to introduce him to any of my family members and I already know 4 of his family members (2 brothers and their wife/girlfriend). All in good time I guess. I want to introduce him to my family members and I hope to be able to do that very soon.

[ordinaryguy]

If it were over a year and not just the 4 months that we have known each other, I think that I would have a reason to be worried.

ANY time you want to worry, you'll be able to find a reason.

[Mom of 2]

As I said I would, I just lived in the moment today and did not worry one time about "what if" this and "what if" that. I kept myself busy and focused on the things that I needed to accomplish. I could not believe that time flew by more quickly. When he called tonight at his usual time, I was shocked that it was that time already. I just felt so much more accomplished today and more at ease. What a big difference this change in mindset made my day!! It is amazing how changing perspective and the way I do things that makes so much of a difference. I cannot believe that I was wasting so much energy to this kind of worrying. I can't believe that it was so easy!!

Just thought that you all would want to know. Thanks again for all of your support and comments. I will continue to move forward, no matter what the future holds for me. I don't have control of anything other than how I act/react to the moment that I am in.

[talaniman]

I think as long as you take your time, and enjoy the getting to know each other very well, process, you both will be fine. There is no hurry for any reason right now, not even to involve the kids.