[CaribMan]

OK here's the situation... some people know my story and some don't...
My girlfriend did the break thing with me saying the she's not in love with me anymore but still loves me, 3 weeks ago. We were going strong for 1.5 yrs spent every moment together, it was wonderful. A week later we txed each other she said she doest see us getting back together and just wants to be friends... I told her I can't be her friend because I want to be more than a friend to her. Since she said "i dont see us getting back together" I told her "well i guess our run is over ...this time its over nex time forever", "i hope you find what your looking for in life and have a great one"... I guess she took it in a rude way because the next day she removed me from her top friends and listed herself as single.((dont really care about Facebook anyways)) the following day I wrote her a long email I guess for me it was a way to let her know how I feel and my last effort to win her back... I know I can't and its up to her if she wants to come back but I did it any way. Basically it went like this...

I'm writing this not for you but for me. I want you to know how I feel, how my heart feels which is torn from moving on from our past, losing you forever and fighting back with everything I have trying to win you heart all over again. Since you said "you'll never see us being together" I guess fighting for you will be in vain. I know you NEVER EVER meant to hurt me, I know somewhere along your way you lost all interest in me, maybe its because of my intensity to show my affection, maybe its because I spent everyday with you suffocating you till all the love died. I realize I basically pushed you away from me by loving too much... I f I can take it back would. This is one thing I'm willing to change , I realize its not healthy for any kind of relationship.
I will NEVER EVER forget you and how happy you made me feel and don't EVER feel like you never made me happy. All I ever tried was to make you happy that why I never try to fight or bust your balls or vagina all the time... I guess it made the relationship boring at times giving you everything you wanted.
I know I said I can never be your friend, and its because if you feel the way I feel and having to see you with another person will just eat me inside and that I cannot do.I don't know if I'm the right guy for you or your soul mate. I don't know if even you are my soul mate or the one for me. I don't know if I want to marry you or have babies with you. IDONT KNOW. All I do know is that I still care for you and love you after you rejected me... I don't know why! I should be running away from you , leaving you alone because you rejected me.


I know your properly going to laugh at me for writing this (ohh what a loser can't take a hint)... I know I should be laughing at myself for wanting you back but I do.

You can't blame a guy for trying

I wish you nothing but happiness in life with or without me, I know what your doing is the right thing for you and I fully respect that... I just have to accept it I guess


Well I feel a lot better now.. it took all my pride and dignity but I feel better... you don't have to ever call or write me again... I can take a hint... I know where I'm not wanted

You will always have a piece of my heart (ex) it may be small or large but its still a piece!

Don't feel like you owe me anything, and I owe you nothing

I'm always willing to wait for you to grow and be realistic and not get clouded by emotions take how much time you need, if we ever get back together I would never want to make the same mistakes I made. I am very willing to work it out TOGETHER I think it would benefit both of us, the rest is up to you. I still care for you. If you don't want this the I guess I will have to do the obvious thing and move on.

This is the last time I will ever contact you to try to make you understand how I feel for you

I will still be there for you for anything you need
I'm sorry if I'm being an annoyance to you but I know I had to say my part.

Missing you
(me)

So that's the last time I ever contacted her...

So here's the other problem... me, my sister, my ex, my exgf sister, my exgf sister's boyfriend and 3 other friends that hanged out with my exgf sister, we all worked at the same place we started hanging out like 2 yrs a ago and been inseparable friends till my girlfriend broke up with me. My sister and my exgf's sister are still best friends. Now this weekend is my sisters birthday and the whole gang is going to be there even my exgf... I don't know how to act around them anymore... its going to be weired I haven seen them in 3 weeks. And what do I say to my ex when we meet what to do what to do? To tell you the truth I still love and care about her.. I hate her for what she did... I understand she's doing this for her and I fully respect that... I don't want to be rude and ignore her and don't think I'm ready to see her... I don't think I'm fully healed what should I do? Act like nothing happened and be cool or cause a drama seen and let everyone know how I feel?

So confused right now:confused:

[talaniman]

act like nothing happened and be cool

If you can't be cool don't go. Me, I go and have me one helluva time, and enjoy myself. Either be the man in control, or stay home. It's a party, not a funeral, so put on your party hat. Dance with all the females, Take no prisoners. "never let'em see you sweat"

[HistorianChick]

Agree with Tal...

If you can't go, if you can't do this, if you can't see her and be "calm, cool, and collected" then don't. Its OK not to go!

You said its your sister's birthday... don't feel like you have to go to the party. I'm sure she knows exactly what is going on in your life and wouldn't ask you to put your heart in the position to be hurt again. Tell her your problems and ask her if you can do something special, just her and you. Maybe take her to her favorite restaurant or take her to a movie. Something just for you two. I'm sure she would love the time with her brother and appreciate the fact that you really do want to honor her birthday, but can't because of your broken heart.

That letter was beautiful. Its nothing to be ashamed of - don't feel like a loser. Really. It was your way of saying what you needed to say, and yes, it was for you, not for her. You've said what you needed, now leave the choice up to her. She knows how you feel.

Good luck, sweetie. Hope everything works out for you and you're able to take care of yourself and heal your heart. :)

[CaribMan]

Thanks a lot for the advice... I want to go, I want to see my friends, she can't take then away... im pretty good at hiding my emotions when I'm sober but when I'm drunk I'm not so sure... but I'm going to try to be cool and just play the game... who knows what will happen

[susangpyp]

thanks alot for the advice ....i want to go, i want to see my friends, she can't take then away...im pretty good at hiding my emotions when im sober but when im drunk im not soo sure...but im gonna try to be cool and just play the game ...who knows what will happen

Walk in like you own the place... play it cool... be good and don't drink and you will be in control. If you choose to get drunk knowing what will most likely happen, it will be your choice.

Stay sober, stay in control, stay cool... and it will be good.

[CaribMan]

OK so last Saturday night was the party
The first time she saw me that night, I was having a smoke with one of sisters friends (really sweet girl really really hot) in the parking lot, I saw my ex's car pulled up (with my ex, ex's sis, ex's sis boyfriend, ex's cousin, and another friend), me and my new friend were still talking, everyone except my ex said hi to me and went up to the room. For almost the whole night she never made any eye contact with me, she stayed well out of my way for the beginning of the night. I never initiated any cono with her, I was chillin with some girls I haven seen for a long time making covo with them and having fun. I kept my feeling deep down, never showed any sign of breaking. Then some friends and I were playing some good old Texas holdem and getting drunk. My ex decided to sit with my ex's sis boyfriend, now we were face to face, when she sat I just smiled and continued. I never looked at her, I never said anything I was just doing my thing and enjoying the game with friends I have not seen in over a month (because of her)... the first direct contact was when she said"i heared you got a new job" I told her " yea i did, i have 2 jobs now, its someting i wanted to do for a long time, in 4 yrs i will get my electrical license" she said " thats pretty sweet" and that's is... I had fun that night I haven't seen those guys in a month and it was fun to get drunk again with them, I had to say it was nice seeing her again.. I miss her, I still care for her, I don't know again if I love her as much as I did to be honest but the whold night I avoided her I had fun doing it... the little games people play... its sooo cute...

Anyway that morning I was still sleeping when they left. Did not get a chance to say good buy.. I guess it was better that way because she never said hi... last night I could not sleep I felt like if it was day 1 again still thinking about her. But this morning I realized again how far I came from where I was and I was never going to go down that depressed road again... I guess she is gone from me forever and all I have is a tattoo of her name on my heart..

[CaribMan]

I saw my ex online on msn so I asked if I can come over and some stuff I left... she said OK... told her I will call when I was outside... I took a shower and shaved made sure I was looking good... I went over called her told her I was outside, she said OK... I waited in front her door and she opened it... when I went in sooo many memories flashed in my head, the smell, the look just overwhelmed me, I couldn't describe it.
Anyway she took me up to her room because she did not organize my stuff as yet. It was a mess looked like she haven't cleaned it in weeks (clothes all over the place) saw a box of tissues on the floor. I had to rummage some stuff to find my psp charger, well she was searching for some more stuff I felt uncomfortable being in her room(soo many thoughts running through my mind, I men we had the most passionate love on that bed) so I asked about my bike she said it was in her living room so I headed downstairs I did not see the bike, I heard chatter in the basement so I went down to see her sis and sis's boyfriend I said hi how you doing, told them I came to get some stuff. I got my blank dvd's n cd's and an old graphics card I tried to install on her PC long time ago. My ex called me from upstairs so I went... she told me the bike was still in the shed which was blocked up by snow, I told her I was busy I didn't want to shovel 3 ft of snow to get it.. she said shell call me when the snow melts. So I told her I think that's it except for my bike... went back down stairs to get the rest of my stuff... told everyone I was leaving. She followed me upstairs, I put on my shoes and said thank you and just left. I wanted to hug her, I wanted to kiss her and tell her no hard feelings but I guess I chickened out... or I knew some how it was not worth it...

To tell the truth I still love her, seeing her again was really good. I was lieing to myself in thinking we would get back together sometime. God knows I lover her still and miss her! I think about her every min every hour when I'm not busy. I feel bad for breaking contact with her, I wanted her to miss me and call me. This was the first time I saw her since the party its not long but I feel like I'm at day 1 again. I can't stop hangin on to false hope... someome help me I have the feeling of wanting her back again.

[talaniman]

Relax guy you aren't back to square one, you just had a test and passed, but memories get stirred up. You acted correctly, polite, friendly, and co operated. No scenes, and no drama. That's what your supposed to do. Act as a mature man, who is in control. Now about that bike..!

[ihatewestseneca]

Personally, I would have gotten my stuff back a lot sooner... or later... is this stuff that you needed, or were you just looking for an excuse to see her? Be honest. And I also think you should have contacted someone besides your ex, if you needed that stuff. Like her sister. You know how well NC works, time to get back on the straight and narrow. (or something)

[CaribMan]

Well I needed my psp charger for a long time and the cd's and dvd's I didn't need but I would have needed it sooner or later. I wanted my bike... this morning I wanted to ride it because it was so wonderful outside. I want MY DAM BIKE now. It was NOT an excuse to see her. I know I waited too long, I was just too busy (was working 2 jobs with weekends) and I just wanted things to settle... I needed to deal with my feelings I though I was over her although I still think about her all da dam time which I know now I still truly lover her but I won't show it to her unless I know for sure she shows it first. Ohh god I never cried for her since we broke up.. I think tonight I will though... I need a cold beer!

[CaribMan]

She's online now... wat to do:confused:

[talaniman]

Get offline and go get that cold beer, you and your buddy.

[CaribMan]

Its too late now mu buddy is with his girlfriend.. and I'm not over mines...
Why is she doing this? What did I do? Am I that bad as a boyfriend she doesn't miss me? All I did was lover her too much and I still do? And yet she feels nothing... shows nothing... I don't understand these women... never going to be with a white girl again...

[CaribMan]

Feel better now.. the last time I cried like that was when my grandma died 10 yrs ago

[CaribMan]

I want to tell her I still love her, I still care about her,I'm afraid of being rejected again

[talaniman]

Stay on the path, the feelings will pass, and you can regroup.

[CaribMan]

Yea I broke the NC thing again last night. Nothing big though , I just told her it was nice seeing her again, she said yea you looked good and I ended with make sure no one steals my bike. I felt so stupid contacting her again but watever, just hope I can get through the day without thinking about her. I promise myself I won't contact her again. You think it's a good idea to delete her msn contact? And yea I still want my bike...

[kaitou]

Damn yeah I think it's a good idea to delete her from your msn. Anything that can me NC easier is good for you.

Get back on track mate, start nc again! And this time stick with it.

[CaribMan]

So I hardly slept last night like 3 hrs. woke up this morning feeling all depressed and tired, called in sick at work. Then me and my sis had a good talk... she basically kicked my (literally) yelled at me saying "she not worth your time and your love, you showed her your love and look what she did with it, shes not gonna come running back, you need to get you out and stop worrying about it its dun its over noo looking back just remember the good times n all that " it really shooked the depressed bs out of me... I think I'm back on track now

[CaribMan]

Thanks for all the help guys... feel like an @ss that I din listen